Fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels
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︎ Mar 29 2021
I knew a girl who could only add odd numbers
She literally could not even
π︎ 13
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︎ Apr 10 2021
I ran into this vegan girl who said she knew me
I had to tell her I'd never met herbivore.
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︎ Dec 17 2020
I once knew a girl who married a Chinese.
She had to Chang her last name.
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︎ Jan 09 2021
Knew an bird watcher who lived so long he saw every bird except one. On his deathbed he was asked if he thought he used his time well
He said he had no Egretes
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︎ Feb 21 2021
I knew a man who worked in restaurants his entire life. On his death bed, he told me he regretted that he never left to follow his dreams..
It was never the right time, so he spent his whole life waiting.
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︎ Jan 14 2021
I once knew a guy who was a pilot but he wasn't very bright.
All of his friends called him plain stupid.
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︎ Nov 05 2020
I once knew a guy who went to a party in Florida and got so drunk that he woke up in Alabama.
As you can imagine, he wasn't in a very good state.
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︎ Dec 21 2020
I once knew this guy who hated all high-range instruments.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
I knew a guy who collected watches
He would link them all together into a sort of belt β I thought it was a waist of time.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
I didn't make this up but I wish I knew who did.
It was a gloomy day for a funeral. The widow weeped quietly in the front row. A distinguished gentleman approached her and said "Ma'am, I'm so sorry for your loss. Would you mind if I said a word?" "Please do", she replied. He stands, straightens his tie, and says "Plethora." Then he sits down. "Thank you," she said.
"That means a lot."
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︎ Aug 23 2020
I knew a guy who gave away his art but he only seemed to paint ducks with incomplete faces.
I asked about it once and he said βI like to bill them later.β
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︎ Oct 07 2020
I knew a guy who disliked reflective headgear
You can say he was a matte hatter.
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︎ Oct 24 2020
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
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︎ Oct 01 2020
I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels
She said, βTry Sarah Toppsβ
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︎ Jul 29 2020
I knew this butcher who accidentally backed into his meat grinder
He got a little behind in his work
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︎ May 13 2020
I knew a guy who hated deformed feet and allergic to dairy
He was lack toes intolerant.
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︎ Aug 06 2020
Wow who knew
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︎ May 16 2020
I once knew a hoarder who kept a drawer packed full of matted and tangled hair.
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︎ Jul 23 2020
I knew a Korean guy who would never stop his car
His name was Noh Pahk Ing
π︎ 9
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︎ May 28 2020
I knew a guy who collected candy canes.
They were all in mint condition
π︎ 15
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︎ Jul 02 2020
Wife said she knew someone who has three BMW's in their name!
I said that must be hard to pronounce.
Que eye rolls from her, laughter from my friends.
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︎ Jun 21 2020
Warned my son about the dangers of drugs today. Told him a story about a girl I knew who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time. Surprised, he asked, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, absolutely true."
"She became a little spore addict."
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︎ May 22 2020
Boy ants float WHO KNEW
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︎ Mar 08 2020
I really wish I knew who removed the jack from under the car I was working on.
The suspension is killing me.
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︎ Apr 13 2020
It's weird how nobody knew who the Iranian general Soleimani was a few days ago...
It's like he blew up overnight.
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︎ Jan 05 2020
I knew a guy who's best friend was a sea bird gifted by his dad's second wife.
It was his plover from another mother.
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︎ Jun 23 2020
Who knew I would fall in love with a low-carb, high-fat diet?
Turns out it had the Keto my heart this whole time
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︎ May 13 2020
Who knew trying to buy a deer was so cheap
It only cost a buck.. not a lot of doe!
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 23 2020
I had a friend who knew when people felt like they want to urinate...
π︎ 3
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︎ May 26 2020
I knew a guy who named his guitar Provolone.
Whenever he played, he shredded cheese.
π︎ 4
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︎ May 19 2020
I knew this girl who wanted bigger boobs, but couldn't afford proper implants, so she had her uncle make her a false set out of pine.Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though,
Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden tit?
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 26 2020
Who knew bugs could bee this funny?
π︎ 143
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︎ Mar 13 2019
I knew someone who would only drive an economy sized Chevy
I thought, well that's a Cavalier attitude
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 02 2020
Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother who was an evil scientist
His name was Frank Enstein
π︎ 8
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︎ Feb 25 2020
I knew a kid who tried making music with a block of cheese
It was always too sharp for my taste.
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︎ Dec 02 2019
Who knew dogs were immune?
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. Now we know WHO let the dogs out.
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︎ Mar 16 2020
I knew a guy who wore a hat with an extra long bill. He said it was to protect his nose from the sun. I asked him why is that?
He said....
No one likes a brown nose.
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︎ Jan 10 2020
I once knew a guy who was afraid of milk.
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︎ Jun 27 2019
I once knew a guy who was sexually attracted to cheese.
Guess you could say he had a fetash
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 03 2019
this dude at my school had two separate hit lists. we all knew who was on the white one, but the blacklist? no clue.
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 25 2019
My construction foreman asked me if I knew who made accurate crosscuts in a workpiece by pulling a mounted circular blade down onto a board in a quick motion...
I told him I miter saw who it was...
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 23 2019
I once knew a guy who cut small sculptures from Filet Minion.
Apparently, that medium is rare, but itβs the steak of the art.
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︎ Apr 16 2019
I knew it was a mistake to take my friend who failed to appear in court out on my leaky sailboat.
As soon as it started leaking, he skipped bail.
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 20 2019
I knew a guy who once used to do circumcisions for a living...
The money wasn't great, but he got to keep the tips
π︎ 15
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︎ May 08 2019
I knew a tailor who was depressed before he went to sewing school
π︎ 15
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︎ May 06 2018
I knew a guy who collected candy canes...
They were all in mint condition
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 03 2020
I met this girl at the vegan restaurant who said she knew me.
But I never met herbivore.
π︎ 99
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︎ Jan 10 2020
A T-Rex walks into a vegan restaurant and is greeted by a girl who said she knew him.
He had never met herbivore.
π︎ 273
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︎ Jul 10 2019
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