Fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels

She never knew I existed

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shiva8512
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I knew a girl who could only add odd numbers

She literally could not even

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaniak
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I ran into this vegan girl who said she knew me

I had to tell her I'd never met herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 543
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKingOfRhye777
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I once knew a girl who married a Chinese.

She had to Chang her last name.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BonsamBesuDMC2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Knew an bird watcher who lived so long he saw every bird except one. On his deathbed he was asked if he thought he used his time well

He said he had no Egretes

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Feral1991
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I knew a man who worked in restaurants his entire life. On his death bed, he told me he regretted that he never left to follow his dreams..

It was never the right time, so he spent his whole life waiting.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AhSparaGus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I once knew a guy who was a pilot but he wasn't very bright.

All of his friends called him plain stupid.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyArmy2019
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I once knew a guy who went to a party in Florida and got so drunk that he woke up in Alabama.

As you can imagine, he wasn't in a very good state.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I once knew this guy who hated all high-range instruments.

He was a huge bassist.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a guy who collected watches

He would link them all together into a sort of belt β€” I thought it was a waist of time.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jetavator
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn't make this up but I wish I knew who did.

It was a gloomy day for a funeral. The widow weeped quietly in the front row. A distinguished gentleman approached her and said "Ma'am, I'm so sorry for your loss. Would you mind if I said a word?" "Please do", she replied. He stands, straightens his tie, and says "Plethora." Then he sits down. "Thank you," she said.

"That means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eap42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a guy who gave away his art but he only seemed to paint ducks with incomplete faces.

I asked about it once and he said β€œI like to bill them later.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yumi_arizona
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a guy who disliked reflective headgear

You can say he was a matte hatter.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickD716
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic

He was a subdued sub dude.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels

She said, β€œTry Sarah Topps”

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew this butcher who accidentally backed into his meat grinder

He got a little behind in his work

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractalrain39
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a guy who hated deformed feet and allergic to dairy

He was lack toes intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kalpact
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Wow who knew
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TVsauce101724
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I once knew a hoarder who kept a drawer packed full of matted and tangled hair.

It was dreadful.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a Korean guy who would never stop his car

His name was Noh Pahk Ing

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a guy who collected candy canes.

They were all in mint condition

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife said she knew someone who has three BMW's in their name!

I said that must be hard to pronounce.

Que eye rolls from her, laughter from my friends.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flameboy42
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Warned my son about the dangers of drugs today. Told him a story about a girl I knew who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time. Surprised, he asked, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, absolutely true."

"She became a little spore addict."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Boy ants float WHO KNEW
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glitchomojo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I really wish I knew who removed the jack from under the car I was working on.

The suspension is killing me.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
It's weird how nobody knew who the Iranian general Soleimani was a few days ago...

It's like he blew up overnight.

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aakshaj
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a guy who's best friend was a sea bird gifted by his dad's second wife.

It was his plover from another mother.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eak125
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Who knew I would fall in love with a low-carb, high-fat diet?

Turns out it had the Keto my heart this whole time

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/witz33
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Who knew trying to buy a deer was so cheap

It only cost a buck.. not a lot of doe!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrisonMike1111
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a friend who knew when people felt like they want to urinate...

He had ESPee.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a guy who named his guitar Provolone.

Whenever he played, he shredded cheese.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DurgalBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew this girl who wanted bigger boobs, but couldn't afford proper implants, so she had her uncle make her a false set out of pine.Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though,

Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden tit?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMBiSH
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Who knew bugs could bee this funny?
πŸ‘︎ 143
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Petey1210
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I knew someone who would only drive an economy sized Chevy

I thought, well that's a Cavalier attitude

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arthurdent6
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother who was an evil scientist

His name was Frank Enstein

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a kid who tried making music with a block of cheese

It was always too sharp for my taste.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Who knew dogs were immune?

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. Now we know WHO let the dogs out.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schlayer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a guy who wore a hat with an extra long bill. He said it was to protect his nose from the sun. I asked him why is that?

He said....

No one likes a brown nose.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oxfordthethird
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I once knew a guy who was afraid of milk.

He was quite the coward.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedHun
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I once knew a guy who was sexually attracted to cheese.

Guess you could say he had a fetash

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__Vode_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
this dude at my school had two separate hit lists. we all knew who was on the white one, but the blacklist? no clue.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/erdankely
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My construction foreman asked me if I knew who made accurate crosscuts in a workpiece by pulling a mounted circular blade down onto a board in a quick motion...

I told him I miter saw who it was...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I once knew a guy who cut small sculptures from Filet Minion.

Apparently, that medium is rare, but it’s the steak of the art.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matraxia
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I knew it was a mistake to take my friend who failed to appear in court out on my leaky sailboat.

As soon as it started leaking, he skipped bail.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I knew a guy who once used to do circumcisions for a living...

The money wasn't great, but he got to keep the tips

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dennis584
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I knew a tailor who was depressed before he went to sewing school

He seams better now

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnochChell
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I knew a guy who collected candy canes...

They were all in mint condition

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WispyNarwhal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I met this girl at the vegan restaurant who said she knew me.

But I never met herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A T-Rex walks into a vegan restaurant and is greeted by a girl who said she knew him.

He had never met herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 273
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πŸ‘€︎ u/legisleducator
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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