Biracial people prove that not everything is black and white.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SonoHannabira
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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What classic rock band do only white people like?

The Police.

πŸ‘︎ 337
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fellow_hiccupper
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2017
🚨︎ report
White people who use Instagram are Gram Crackers
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lossftw
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gaggle of white people?

A no-fly zone!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NateCampatition
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2017
🚨︎ report
I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.

It really came out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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I was kidnapped by mimes once

They did unspeakable things to me

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IS3OO
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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The Trump White House is so polite these days.

Everyone there is saying β€œPardon me” all the time now.

πŸ‘︎ 308
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πŸ‘€︎ u/world-shaker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication?

For hispanic attacks

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonathanWickers
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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British people be like: I'm bri ish

I guess they drank the t

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NGBNM
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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Can't argue with that!
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JhonConstantine
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If Joe biden becomes president,

the white house will become forbiden

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baalbaking58
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A lot of people are shocked by the recent events in NASCAR

What is often characterized as a very conservative organization has taken a stance against racism. I'm not surprised at all though. To anyone who's been paying attention, from its very beginnings, NASCAR has always been veering to the left.

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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I don’t want to sound racist, but...

Every one in the KKK looks the same to me.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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thought this belonged here
πŸ‘︎ 356
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πŸ‘€︎ u/taurenscum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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Two reactions to puns
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnny123bravo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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Idk what the title should be.
πŸ‘︎ 339
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RICK-THE-STICk3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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Pun intended
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yakdehi
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
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Irish dream come true
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/excuseme_wtf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
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Clinton hiding in the Bushes
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/micah397
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2017
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When you're in Australia and you finish eating at a restaurant....
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-gem-524
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
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My daughter acted as if she didn't enjoy this one, but I KNOW she did...

http://i.imgur.com/xTjEZNI.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourbrotherrex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2016
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Embarrased my 15yo daughter today at McDs

Ordered a cafe mocha at a ghetto McDs. African American "Barrista" asks me "you want the chocolate drizzle?"

I replied: "drizzle my nizzle" in the most white snoop dogg voice i could muster.

Barrista laughed. Daughter shrank. I then held my head high for the rest of the day. F'n proud was I.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thegogetter222
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2014
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Tokenism is when your organization has only one PoC just for appearances sake.

If you have only one elf, that's Tolkienism.

πŸ‘︎ 821
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Damnyoureyes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
🚨︎ report
I work at Subway

Yesterday a lady was wondering what type of cheese she should put on her sub so I recommended the Swiss cheese because, as I put it, "The Swiss cheese is always really neutral".

The worst part is she didn't even laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Admiral_Sarcasm
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2014
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A horse walked into a bar ...

A horse walked into a bar, the barman said "Hey" the horse replied "Sure"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDPComedy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2015
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Baguettes are better than croissants change my mind

In France people give each other white roses on Valentine’s Day because they surrender their love to each other

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Idris Elba, confirmed dad.
πŸ‘︎ 891
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loplop_presents
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
🚨︎ report
Only crackers stay at the Ritz

Rich white people/Hotel if you don't get it

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dsol2000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
The Laughing Hoagie

Two high school students named Steve and Josh found themselves broke on a saturday afternoon while strolling around in the city mall. They hadn't eaten lunch and they were getting hungry, but alas, they had no money for food and they were hours away from home.

"I heard there's a place downtown where you can get a sandwich for free" Steve said to Josh.

"That sounds great, let's check it out" Josh replied, and they headed downtown.

They soon found the place. It was a small shop, too small to feel like a real business. The place had no tables or chairs, and not really much furniture at all. An old man stood behind a small counter and eyed them as they entered.

"Welcome to the Laughing Hoagie" he said.

"What is a laughing hoagie?" Josh wondered.

"It's the name of this sandwich place. This is not a regular sandwich shop. We have a special offer here for people who can't afford to pay for their food." the man said as he smiled a toothy smile at them.

"So it's true then," Josh blurted out, "we can get free food here?"

"Not so fast." The old man said. "There is a condition."

"What is it?" Steve wondered aloud.

"Well," the man started "you have to listen to one of my jokes, and the one of you who laughs the most genuine laugh gets a free sandwhich. The other one gets nothing."

As he said this, the old man opened a small refrigerator that stood behind the counter and produced a large, footlong sandwhich with ham, cheese, bacon, lettuce and tomatoes. It was covered in a white dressing and gave off a faint peppery aroma. The boys' mouths started watering at the sight of it.

"What? So only one of us gets a sandwhich?" Steve asked, taken aback.

"Those are the rules," the old man grinned, "if you don't like it, you may leave."

"Nah, we'll hear the joke." Josh said. Steve looked at him, and then nodded to the old man.

"All right." the old man rubbed his hands together as if preparing to dig into a strenuous task.

"What did the mother Buffalo say when her boy left for college?" he asked, and looked expectantly at the teens. They both stared at him with blank expressions.

"Bye Son!" he exclaimed, and struggled not to burst out giggling at his own quip. Josh chuckled a bit, but Steve just frowned.

"That was the worst joke I ever heard!" he exclaimed.

"Well," the old man said as he handed the sandwich over to Josh, "if you don't like jokes with really bad punchlines, then this sub is not for you."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fluffigt
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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Sister asks the question

Sister: Do black people die more often than white people?

Dad: No, I think everyone dies only once.

πŸ‘︎ 578
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyBoiz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2015
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Need your help naming my cat!

Hi pun-masters!

I will share my life with a cat, starting Saturday! It’s a grey\white Maine coon male.

The thing is that I love puns, and when I saw the cat called « Sean Coonery », I thought it was adorable!

I’m not that good in finding right puns, and I was wondering if people wouldn’t mind helping me a little!

I live in Montreal, so it can be either English or French!

Thanks in advance!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djieff0
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2017
🚨︎ report
A horrible, horrible pun

Two Asian people named Wong are expecting a child. They go to the hospital, and the delivery goes perfectly. But there's a small problem. The newborn is Caucasian. Mrs. Wong asks the doctor, " Why is my child like this?" The doctor says, " Well, ma'am, two Wongs make a white."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jalcocer06
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Everyone raves about diversity...

But white people are all the colors combined.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamingpron0t
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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It was so cold outside yesterday, that we took a man into our home, out of the kindness of our hearts...

We felt so sorry for him because the poor guy was completely covered in snow, but this morning, he had just vanished!

Not a word, not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him!

The last straw was when I realized he had peed all over the living room floor!

That's the thanks we get for being good to people?!

I'm warning all of you to watch out for this man!

He is a heavy set, white guy, wearing nothing but a scarf.

He has a nose that looks like a carrot, two black eyes, and his arms are so skinny, they look like sticks.

Whatever you do, don't bring him into your house!

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2017
🚨︎ report
The Book

My Dad was the worst. And by that, I mean the best. He had a Dad Joke for everything.

I accidently left my wallet in my pants and they went through the wash?

"Don't you know it's illegal to launder money?" He would crack.

We would drive by the cemetery and he would always remark.

"That place is so popular, people are dying to get in"

Many groans were had.

I would ask him, "Dad, where do you get all these awful jokes?" and he looked square in the eye and said.

"Son, on the day you were born - your Grandfather - my father gave me a book. '1001 Dad Jokes' and that where I get them from"

And life continued. Any opportunity to crack wise he would take it. Even when I moved out and got my own place it didn't stop. I had my Dad over to help me repaint the walls from cream to white.

"Boy" He whistled. "This wall sure pales in comparison to that one"

My eyes rolled and he just shrugged. "It's the book!"

He couldn't even help himself at my wedding and broke out a Dad Joke during the toast.

"If this is the toast, where are the eggs?"

"Sorry son, it's the book!" He said with a devilish grin.

So months pass and my wife is in labor at the hospital with our first child. I'm sitting in the waiting room with my dad for support. Suddenly, a nurse comes out beaming with glee.

"Congratulations, sir! It's a girl!"

Me and my dad jump up and whoop for joy, hugging. I can't wait to go in and see my wife and child.

"Wait son" My dad says and pulls a little book out of his jacket pocket. "This is for you"

I look at the little book and sure enough, it's "1001 Dad Jokes"

I tear up instantly.

"I...I.." I stammer.."I'm touched.."

My dad gets the world's biggest shit-eating grin on his face.

"Hi touched...." He pauses for effect.

"I'm Dad"

πŸ‘︎ 182
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πŸ‘€︎ u/extraflux
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
🚨︎ report
If only humans had...

My SO got me tonight as follows:

Me: We have too much to carry. If only people had evolved four arms. Wouldn't that be cool?

Her (with shit-eating grin): We do have forearms...

She then proceeds to display her arm to me Vanna-White-style.

πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jessegammons
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2016
🚨︎ report
Warning! Criminal spotted

Breaking into homes, glueing people's lids on their toothpaste.

Be wary, and keep your ice white open.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Turampi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm taking an improv class [shaggy dog]

and today, we were playing a game of "Yes, Let's!" If you're unfamiliar, that's a group improv exercise where one person says "Let's do a thing!" and everybody else replies "Yes, let's!" and then proceeds to act out the scene. After acting out said scene, somebody freezes, then everybody freezes, and then someone else starts one.

In this case, it was "Let's go to a Michael Jackson tribute concert!" Now, we'd just been coached to assume distinct roles in an attempt to construct a coherent narrative, and so I, as an awkward, scrawny, blond white man, slipped effortlessly into the role of a shitty Michael Jackson impersonator. And I must have been doing something right, because the rest of the group quickly formed a scene as the audience, security, and crew, and stupidity ensued as I sucked at being Michael Jackson for all I was worth.

A few people started heckling, and then one of the audience members barged past security and mimed punching me in the head, whereupon I dramatically spun and dropped to the floor with a resounding THUD (knowing how to fall is a useful skill). The reaction was about a third laughs, a third stage-gasps, and a third just confusion. But I did get a few compliments after the exercise on my impression and my theatrics.

So I'd say that was a pretty big hit.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
It takes guts to be an organ donor.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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My dad's joke last night.

Dad: "hey, spell joke."

Me: "J. O. K. E."

Dad: "what's the white part of the egg?"

Me: "... The white."

Dad: " well, that's what people call it, but it's actually the albumen."

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mewurby
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
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