Here’s a little early access to a pun I made. I’m not sure if this joke has been said before but I hope not. I love making up puns
I’m so good at making up puns ..
They actually make me money, some would say I’m an entre-pun-eur.
If giving up puns is what will help me be Russian.
I was considering giving up puns for Lent, but then I thought... not so fast!
man, making up puns...
...is a consonant struggle!
Ah discord bots, perfect for setting up puns
How do you get up votes on reddit?
Ughh..shut up and bill my purchase...
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
Because he wanted space
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
She set herself up for that one
My wheelchair bound girlfriend broke up with me
She didn’t like how I was always pushing her around
What if Iron man and Silver surfer teamed up?
Man walks into a shop and picks up a can of bug spray
The man asks "is this good for wasps?"
The cashier says "no sir, it kills them"
My wife beamed at me and said, “I had no idea our son would go that far!” Tearing up, I stammered, “I know!"
"The trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter!"
I had to break up with this girl who just would not stop counting.
I wonder what she’s up to now.
I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus.
Thats how i lost my job as a bus driver
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
I tried googling tips to stop procrastinating but I ended up reading about photography
When quarantine messes up your plans...
Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to “Don’t Stop Believing”.
It was an unexpected Journey.
Why did the Caveman get dressed up?
you know what drives old people up the wall?
He's not a rat... He'll never give you up
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren’t that good, but I liked the execution.
After being single for years, my best friend said, "Can I set you up?
I said "Go on then!!"
Now I'm doing 12 years for a crime I didn't commit.
My therapist just told me I have extreme difficulty in picking up social cues.
I think she is in love with me.
How dare they make someone else clean that up
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
What do you call a bee that cannot make up its mind?
A maybe....
Courtesy of my 5 y/o daughter.
Wanna know a word I just made up?
My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns
"OK", I said, "Alpaca my bags".
My son came up with this gem just now during his birthday dinner:
What kind of beans do you find in a measuring cup?
Pint-o beans!
Batman invited all the superheroes for a discussion on Bitcoin. Superman didn't show up
Because it was Crypto-night
My girlfriend broke up with me because I never buy her flowers.
I didn't even know she sold flowers.
My girlfriend thought I'd be lonely after she broke up with me,
Little did she know that I immediately bought stocks just to have some company.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
My GF dressed up as a police woman and told me I was under arrest under the suspicion that I was good in bed c
After 3 mins all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence
Did you here about the doctor who messed up the circumcision?
What's the opposite of stand up comedy ?
What's up?
It's a movie about an old man turning his house into a hot air balloon
I asked my kids if they could come up with a word that had 3 letters of the alphabet in a row?
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
Did you hear about the giant who threw up
Do you want to hear a new word I made up?
I met up with a woman that claimed she was a moviegoer.
She wasn't lying.
Halfway through our date she walked out of the cinema.
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
I'm thinking about dressing up as a Banker for Halloween this year.
I think it will gain a lot of interest.
I called my wife and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home.
She just grunted. I think she regrets letting me name the twins.
I need help coming up puns with the name Fiona
All I can think of/find is shrek jokes and "The owner/Fiona" puns. It would be great if you guys can help.
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