What do you call 3 rabbits running backwards in unison?

A receding hare-line.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ‘€︎ u/x4candles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2017
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In car earlier with wife, daughter, parents. We drive by a cemetery. My dad says β€œyou guys know how many people are dead in there?”

In unison dead pan my wife and mother: β€œall of them”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/donniccolo
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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True story

A friend was getting married in a small church. I was part of the wedding party, and we were at wedding practice, making sure everything went off without a hitch. We noticed the bride to be seemed a bit agitated, so we asked her what was wrong.

"The church is so small," she said, "which I love - but where will we fit the musicians? we hired three string musicians to play us in and out of the wedding and there doesn't seem to be any place for them to play!"

I looked at my friend and his bride-to-be and smiled.

"You have nothing to worry about. Haven't you heard...?" They shook their heads in unison.


πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ranseler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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Out to dinner with my son and husband

My husband is perusing the menu and points out that they have Battered Shrimp on the menu. He turns to me and says, "I wonder if the shrimp pressed charges". My son and I exchanged glances and facepalmed in unison.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lipdoo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2016
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National Dad Conference

Speaker: β€œI'm glad you could all make it”

Whole crowd: in unison β€œHi glad you could all make it, We're dad”

Speaker: Puts up a pic of ID on big screen showing legal name is "glad you could all make it"

entire conference loses their shit

πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ‘€︎ u/MightHaveDone
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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A little joke I came up with the other night:

What do you call it when Egyptians fart in unison?


πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ‘€︎ u/poppschmidty
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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Not a single one of them laughed

I work at a pretty cool place. Everyone there is pretty upbeat and we like to have a good time. One of the girls was talking about something and said "isn't this fun guys?!" I replied "this is extremely mushrooms!" Everyone was silent, so I pulled the huge grin and said "fuungiiis". Every one of them groaned in unison.

They are all my children now.

πŸ‘︎ 431
πŸ‘€︎ u/dontwakethellama
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2016
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Passing the Dad joke torch

I was describing to my family a weed I'd found in the garden, which had a "strong herbal smell." My daughter (3), who loves to joke about words, grinned and said, "Turtle smell?"

My mother, to engage with her, said, "How does a turtle smell?"

My father and I answered in perfect unison: "With its nose!"

It felt like a significant moment in my growth as a dad.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ‘€︎ u/bondjimbond
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
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3 Performers called the Weissman Trio walk into a Bar

Two of them introduce themselves as Gold and Frankinsence. The bartender asks, "Why are you called the Weissman Trio if there are only 2 of you?" The brothers look at each other and say to the bartender in unison, "But wait! There's Myrrh!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/nightskydoxus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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What have I become...

I went to my parents' house for dinner tonight. While my mom was cooking dinner, she asked me several times to check on the food in the oven. After the third time, my dad and I respond in unison (without planning) "Yep. Its still there."

What am i becoming?!

πŸ‘︎ 357
πŸ‘€︎ u/jhonnyonthespot15
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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Dad-dom has already started...

27, single, childless With a group of friends about to ride a rollercoaster. I notice that the ride attendants name tag says "DeJa"... and I can feel the dad within me take over.

The ride was fun, we were in the first row... DeJa cheerily welcomes us back into the station, and I, without control of myself, exclaim "OMG it's DeJa, again!" Pause 1 second Entire cart groans in unison.

She convincingly said she had "never heard that one before", but it might have just been expert-level sarcasm.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/oxfouzer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2017
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My girlfriends dad

She used the word congealed. I told her I like the word coagulate better. Her dad then chimes in with "Coagulate: when two dogs wag their tails in unison."

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ‘€︎ u/5K337Lord
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2014
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Why don't ants get sick? Redux

Because they have tiny antibodies!

I dropped this joke on an unsuspecting lecture hall after an hour's worth of lecture about immune assays. The lecturer even repeated the joke and the punchline into her mic so the whole thing is recorded. I've never heard so many people groan in unison, about 150.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/greymalken
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2017
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My dad and I shared a great moment today...

We were talking about the eclipse and where best to go outside and look at it (with proper viewing glasses, of course). My mom asked "Where is the sun right now?"

My dad and I both responded, instantly and in unison, "It's up in the sky!"

We laughed, high fived, and my mom rolled her eyes so hard that they almost popped out of her head. Good times y'all.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/CreamyGoodnss
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2017
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Taking a car load of kids to amusement park today. One kid screams "Please tell me that's Knott's Berry Farm." ...

I reply, "It's Knott."

Kids in unison "Awww."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ‘€︎ u/Papa-Dam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2016
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We Were Using "R", the Software Environment, in my Stats Class Today

The professor asked us what a pirate's favourite letter was. We all grudgingly answered "R..." in unison. "NAY," he replied. "It's the C!"

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ‘€︎ u/thewreckage
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2015
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Dad raised me right

Mom's friend rings the doorbell. Mom answers the door, "Hi Deb, good to see you. We missed you!"

Dad and I, on opposite sides of the room, look up in unison: "With every shot so far!"

The pride on his face was priceless.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ‘€︎ u/party6robot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2014
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I do this every time I'm on a road trip with my family

As I pass a truck carrying horse food, I point to it and yell "HAY"

My whole family, slightly startled, looks around, at what I'm so excited about, then realize, and in unison roll their eyes and groan

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/strider820
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2015
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My friend and I simultaneously dad joked my girlfriend.

We were eating at a pizza place and there were several size options and the options for the pizza sizes were 10", 20", and 26". My girlfriend wanting to know how many people a certain pizza size would feed and so she asks, "How big is a 10" pizza?" To which my friend and I in unison answer, "About 10 inches."

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ‘€︎ u/Armageddon13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
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I'm about to get married

FiancΓ©: We need to pick our vows still!

Me: A, E, I, O, or U?

Both turn in Unison: Dad Jokes!

She's getting good at identifying them quick.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/InfinitNumbrs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2014
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"How do you say 'my birthday is' in Spanish?

I have a fairly strict rule about only speaking in Spanish in my class, especially when asking "ΒΏCΓ³mo se dice?" or "How do you say?" So, when a student asked me in English, "How do you say 'my birthday' in Spanish?" I responded:

"With my lungs, larynx, lips, tongue, and teeth."

The class blinked for two seconds before groaning in unison. She then asked the question, correctly, en espaΓ±ol. But, I think I now understand why cats purr.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2015
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I was playing XBox with my kids when it started to get some graphical glitches.

I was player 4, here is a shot of the glitch: Screenshot.

They started laughing hysterically, I said "it is snot funny". The laughter stopped and they all started groaning in unison.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimbo333
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2014
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The torch has been passed

At dinner last night, my stepmom was trying to remember something and said to us "What's the name of that book...?"

And my dad and I, in perfect unison, asked "The Bible?"

Truly, the torch has passed to a new generation.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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This one received both a roomful of groans and applause!

Yesterday I was doing Concert practice - fairly standard for a music student, play some songs (with a band), receive some constructive criticism, if there's time, play it again, see if it improved.

So after aforementioned criticism the band and I are about to play again when one of the singers points the mic at the speaker (accidentally) and painfully loud feedback assaults our ears.

In the following silence, I commented: "That's the least useful feedback we've had all day!"


Then approximately forty people groaning in unison, which gave way to applause for my awful dadjoke.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clarrington
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
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[national dad conference]

Speaker: I'm glad you could all make it

Whole crowd: in unison hi glad you could all make it We're dad

Speaker: Puts up a pic of ID on big screen showing legal name is "glad you could all make it"

entire conference loses their shit

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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