The situation certainly was not uncontrollable
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OTG_SLAYA
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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Did you hear about the cowboy who wanted to be a cheerleader but couldn't because of his uncontrollable gas?

He was the rootinest tootinest cowboy in the wild west

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainnT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
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My son William gets acid reflux which gives him uncontrollable hiccoughs that keeps everyone awake. At night the family is afraid of the return of the…

Notorious Bile Will Hiccoughs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What lies on the ocean floor twitching uncontrollably?

A nervous wreck

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?

Ten Tickles!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombieCrazy55
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a large land mass that uncontrollably leaks into the ocean?

Incontinent

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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A man was laughing uncontrollably while making disfigures face molds.

When he was asked why he simply replied, β€œI can’t keep a straight face”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Comsicwastaken
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What is it called when a dog starts shaking uncontrollably?

Barkinsons

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzzydadino
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I was driving on the highway when I passed an AA van driver who was sobbing uncontrollably.

I thought, β€œThis guy’s heading for a breakdown.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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I salivate uncontrollably whenever I see fruit, cream and meringue...

It's a Pavlovian response.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mamilshymn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Me: Do you know where Eskimo pigs live? Wife: No, don’t care. Me: In PIGLOOS!!!!!!! Also Me: giggling uncontrollably
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pagegibson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
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I saw my sister weeping uncontrollably, worried that her Economics degree won’t land her a job.

I said, β€œAre you having a financial cry, sis?”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
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Crying uncontrollably should be called Cryorrhoea
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BhoyWonder1888
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2017
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I was driving this morning when I saw this tow truck driver sobbing uncontrollably and looking miserable.

I thought to myself, β€œThis guy is heading for a breakdown.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Scientists have learned how to send humans into the future. Unfortunately, the process causes the subject's bowels to release uncontrollably.

It's a real blast from the past.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2018
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Everytime the Music Major read his college text book, he would becoming uncontrollably angry and would punch someone.

He has "A History of Violins"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustALuckyShot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2017
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I have kleptomania, but when when it gets bad...

I take something for it.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaShMa_
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I get so nervous during earthquakes,

that I start shaking uncontrollably.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a fortune teller's shop

He asks to have his future read and the fortune teller happily does so. After gazing into her crystal ball she starts to laugh uncontrollably. The man hits her immediately to which the teller asks: Why did you do that??????? The man replies, I've never struck a happy medium before

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oleolesp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The CTRL keys on my laptop are broken...

It's now completely uncontrollable.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife thinks I am nuts!

So my daughter is in Girl Scouts. Everybody knows that the Girl Scouts sell cookies, but they also sell chocolates, nuts, and other snack food. Since we have only one car and a large garage we usually volunteer as a cupboard. Basically we get a few pallets of stuff and the area troops pick up from our place.

Me: [stopping mid pulling into the garage] What is that?!

Wife: [concerned] What is it?

Me: [shaking my head] That is nuts!

Wife: [eyes roll] Really?

Me: [laughing uncontrollably]

My son didn’t laugh either.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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Tried a Dad Joke on my grandfather....it backfired.

I walk into his house and he yells, gruffly, "What are you up to?". Seizing my opportunity, I quip back "Ohh about 6 foot 4.". He glares at me for 5 solid seconds and says dryly, "I didn't know they could stack shit that high!". Uncontrollable laughter for the next 5 minutes from him.

RIP Old Man

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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Got my wife and 7 year old daughter pretty good today.

Me: oh my god! Do you smell that? Them: smell what? Me: it's horrible. I've only smelled that once before, it smells like supdawg. My wife: what's supdawg? Me: not much what's going on? My daughter laughed uncontrollably.

πŸ‘︎ 184
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SRowan33
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2014
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Friend of mine dadjoked the waitress while we were on a double date...

At a restaurant, waitress comes to take our order...

Friend: Yeah, can I have the quesadilla? But I'm not that hungry, is there anyway I can have just one 'dilla' and not the whole case?

I preceded to laugh uncontrollably. The ladies contemplated leaving.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KeithSkud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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Every time I'd ask him he'd respond the same way

When ever I'd try to tell my dad something the conversation would usually go like this:

Me: Hey Dad, you know what?

Dad: No, not personally cue uncontrollable giggling

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mtwolf55
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2013
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Dad joked my entire college writing class

Towards the end of the year we were listing certain errors we learned to correct throughout the course. Someone raised their hand and said "fixing repetition". So later I raised my hand and said "fixing repetition". The teacher at first was serious and said "we already have that on-...." And then she saw me crack the biggest shit eating grin and the whole class groaned as I started laughing uncontrollably.

πŸ‘︎ 196
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShamelessHooker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2014
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A dad goes to the doctor...

He says "Doctor, ever since my kids learned to drive I've been trembling uncontrollably."

The doctor runs a few tests and comes back.

"You have parking sons."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/signalranch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Got a lady on the phone

I work at the public library, doing some phone answering, office work, n stuff.

Anyways this lady calls

"Hello, I am searching for some material, and was wondering do you have two books?"

me "I can guarantee you that we have two books here"

Uncontrollable laughter in the other end for a good while, before she manages to specify what books she's searching for

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hitno
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2015
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The ATM

My mom was at the ATM entering her password. Suddenly, a wild dad appeared and said : "hah, your password is so easy to remember. The characters are all X's. "

We all sighed deeply as he laughed uncontrollably, and proceeded our journey in Life ignoring what he just said.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eexistencee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2016
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Wife says "let's not get high blood pressure, that's nothing to mess with it causes strokes"

To which I responded "Poor Michael Phelps". She said, "Why". "All those strokes" I replied with a huge grin.

Something different happened this time...instead of "UGGGGHHHHH" she snorted, laughed uncontrollably, and said "well I walked right only that..."

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rabidfaux
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2016
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My dad approves my jokes

Me: what do you call a squirrel with no eyes? Dad: don't know, what? Me: blind

uncontrollable laughter from us while my mom just shakes her head.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2014
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dadcombo

shared a classic dadjoke to SO,
"who was the first person to use the ctrl-c shortcut: Moses"
"wow.. cant handle"
"sorry i didnt come with handle bars"
"you need to stop reading dadjokes, youre going to the darkside"
"you mean the dadside" *uncontrollable laughter

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikes852
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2016
🚨︎ report
The Old Ketchup Bottle

The family is all gathered around the table eating dinner when my dad grabs the nearly empty ketchup bottle for his fries. I knew it was coming. We all knew it was coming, but there really was nothing that could be done. As he squeezes the bottles, the final remnants of ketchup and trapped air escape the container sounding like the worse flatulence you have ever heard.

He then turns to my mother and says, "Those beans are getting to me fast tonight!"

Uncontrollable laughter ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nwilso9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
🚨︎ report
Got my coworkers real good today.

Coworker: Yeah, I'm eating crackers with my lunch.

I turn around ominously

Excuse me, I prefer the term saltine American. go's back to typing

The office slowly builds to uncontrollable laughter. mic drop

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aearin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Heard this gem today at a craft store with my fiancΓ©e

We were looking for twine or something in the yarn section and this dad walks by with his two daughters, gives a huge yawn, and says, "WOW! That was a huge yarn" and then began to start chuckling uncontrollably.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wsmith27
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
🚨︎ report
SO got me today while decorating the Christmas tree

(He hands me an ornament of a small teddy bear in overalls) Me: where should I put this one? Him: how about right there? Me: yeah, that would be good Him: yeah that spot just looked a little bare Me: (looks at the little bear in my hand)(laughs uncontrollably for several minutes while daughter stares at us)

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/horseholio
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Poor furniture choices

My son is just starting to walk from furniture item to furniture item. My wife comments to me that he is also teething, so his tongue is out.

Wife: he's linking the furniture. Me: does it taste good. Wife (speaking in a high voice as my son): I don't think so dad. Me: are you saying your parents don't have good tastin' furniture?

Wife starts laughing uncontrollably.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/legalkimchi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2016
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My brother dadjoked his friend

I think his friend needed to poop or something so he asked my brother if he's got any tissue paper.

Friend: Hey, do you have any tissue?

My brother took off his shoes and made it into a T shape.

Brother: Here, a "T-shoe"

Then both of them started laughing uncontrollably.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orangenoir
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2014
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend Dadjoked me last night..

So I was grabbing my keys off the desk, which my Movado wristwatch was leaning against, to take out the trash. As I raised them up my watch fell on the hardwood floor face down and I freaked, my girlfriend looks up from her phone at the look on my face and says:

"Watch out!"

Then begins to laugh uncontrollably.

The End.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dfoolio
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Breakfast with Dad

I was eating breakfast with my parents at a hotel. It was a buffet style one. We were towards the end of the meal when this happened.

Dad: Did you see all the juices they had over there?

Me: Yeah, I went for orange.

Mom: Oooh do they have Passion Fruit and Guava juice? We could mix them and make POG.

Me: Nah, they had Cranberry, Orange, Apple, and Lemonade though; you could make COAL.

Dad: It's a good thing they didn't have Cranberry, Raspberry, Apple, and Pineapple. (He was already laughing at his own joke getting the last word out) ...Do you get it? (now in uncontrollable laughter)

Me: I could smell that one coming when you started it.

Mom groaned and pretended not to know us.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sekswalrus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
🚨︎ report
What sound does a shoe make when it sneezes?

"Ah-shoe"

What does the other shoe respond with? "Bless shoe"

(This is the part where you laugh/sigh uncontrollably)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corikk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
🚨︎ report
At Cracker-Barrel The other day

brother: This meal looks delicious. I have no regrets.

Dad as he hands him a bowl of grits: Here, now you have no regrits

followed by his uncontrollable laughter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mslvr40
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2014
🚨︎ report
Got a good one off during dinner today

Sister: I dont think I can finish all of this steak. Does anyone want some?

Everyone else: no

Me: I think it was probably a miSTEAK cook so much then

Sister: leaves Dad: giggles uncontrollably

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thePartyBard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2014
🚨︎ report
Waiting on line for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

A bit of a reverse-dad joke, my brother and dad were talking about the actors in the movie. My dad was lamenting Megan Fox being April, and said "I don't see how anyone could like that lizard face of hers."

My brother shrugged and calmly responded, "It gives some guys a boners, others get e-reptile dysfunction."

The guy on line behind us started laughing uncontrollably.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_depression
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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My dad and I were talking about how big old cars are

Me: "Those old cars were pretty big, I wonder how they drove them around"

Dad: "Probably with the steering wheel"

Que my rolling eyes and his uncontrollable laughter

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartian
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
🚨︎ report
What lies on the ocean floor twitching uncontrollably?

A nervous wreck

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I get so nervous with earthquakes

that I start shaking uncontrollably

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report

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