He was the rootinest tootinest cowboy in the wild west
Incontinent
A nervous wreck
When he was asked why he simply replied, βI canβt keep a straight faceβ
I thought, βThis guyβs heading for a breakdown.β
Barkinsons
It's a Pavlovian response.
I said, βAre you having a financial cry, sis?β
I thought to myself, βThis guy is heading for a breakdown.β
It's a real blast from the past.
He has "A History of Violins"
that I start shaking uncontrollably.
I take something for it.
He asks to have his future read and the fortune teller happily does so. After gazing into her crystal ball she starts to laugh uncontrollably. The man hits her immediately to which the teller asks: Why did you do that??????? The man replies, I've never struck a happy medium before
So my daughter is in Girl Scouts. Everybody knows that the Girl Scouts sell cookies, but they also sell chocolates, nuts, and other snack food. Since we have only one car and a large garage we usually volunteer as a cupboard. Basically we get a few pallets of stuff and the area troops pick up from our place.
Me: [stopping mid pulling into the garage] What is that?!
Wife: [concerned] What is it?
Me: [shaking my head] That is nuts!
Wife: [eyes roll] Really?
Me: [laughing uncontrollably]
My son didnβt laugh either.
It's now completely uncontrollable.
I walk into his house and he yells, gruffly, "What are you up to?". Seizing my opportunity, I quip back "Ohh about 6 foot 4.". He glares at me for 5 solid seconds and says dryly, "I didn't know they could stack shit that high!". Uncontrollable laughter for the next 5 minutes from him.
RIP Old Man
Me: oh my god! Do you smell that? Them: smell what? Me: it's horrible. I've only smelled that once before, it smells like supdawg. My wife: what's supdawg? Me: not much what's going on? My daughter laughed uncontrollably.
At a restaurant, waitress comes to take our order...
Friend: Yeah, can I have the quesadilla? But I'm not that hungry, is there anyway I can have just one 'dilla' and not the whole case?
I preceded to laugh uncontrollably. The ladies contemplated leaving.
Teacher friend (talking to my 5 year old kid): And you know what we got to do at school? We painted rainbow fish!
Me: Wow! How'd you get them to hold still long enough?
My kid: <uncontrollable laughter>
When ever I'd try to tell my dad something the conversation would usually go like this:
Me: Hey Dad, you know what?
Dad: No, not personally cue uncontrollable giggling
He says "Doctor, ever since my kids learned to drive I've been trembling uncontrollably."
The doctor runs a few tests and comes back.
"You have parking sons."
Towards the end of the year we were listing certain errors we learned to correct throughout the course. Someone raised their hand and said "fixing repetition". So later I raised my hand and said "fixing repetition". The teacher at first was serious and said "we already have that on-...." And then she saw me crack the biggest shit eating grin and the whole class groaned as I started laughing uncontrollably.
I work at the public library, doing some phone answering, office work, n stuff.
Anyways this lady calls
"Hello, I am searching for some material, and was wondering do you have two books?"
me "I can guarantee you that we have two books here"
Uncontrollable laughter in the other end for a good while, before she manages to specify what books she's searching for
To which I responded "Poor Michael Phelps". She said, "Why". "All those strokes" I replied with a huge grin.
Something different happened this time...instead of "UGGGGHHHHH" she snorted, laughed uncontrollably, and said "well I walked right only that..."
My mom was at the ATM entering her password. Suddenly, a wild dad appeared and said : "hah, your password is so easy to remember. The characters are all X's. "
We all sighed deeply as he laughed uncontrollably, and proceeded our journey in Life ignoring what he just said.
shared a classic dadjoke to SO,
"who was the first person to use the ctrl-c shortcut: Moses"
"wow.. cant handle"
"sorry i didnt come with handle bars"
"you need to stop reading dadjokes, youre going to the darkside"
"you mean the dadside" *uncontrollable laughter
Me: what do you call a squirrel with no eyes? Dad: don't know, what? Me: blind
uncontrollable laughter from us while my mom just shakes her head.
The family is all gathered around the table eating dinner when my dad grabs the nearly empty ketchup bottle for his fries. I knew it was coming. We all knew it was coming, but there really was nothing that could be done. As he squeezes the bottles, the final remnants of ketchup and trapped air escape the container sounding like the worse flatulence you have ever heard.
He then turns to my mother and says, "Those beans are getting to me fast tonight!"
Uncontrollable laughter ensued.
Coworker: Yeah, I'm eating crackers with my lunch.
I turn around ominously
Excuse me, I prefer the term saltine American. go's back to typing
The office slowly builds to uncontrollable laughter. mic drop
My son is just starting to walk from furniture item to furniture item. My wife comments to me that he is also teething, so his tongue is out.
Wife: he's linking the furniture. Me: does it taste good. Wife (speaking in a high voice as my son): I don't think so dad. Me: are you saying your parents don't have good tastin' furniture?
Wife starts laughing uncontrollably.
We were looking for twine or something in the yarn section and this dad walks by with his two daughters, gives a huge yawn, and says, "WOW! That was a huge yarn" and then began to start chuckling uncontrollably.
(He hands me an ornament of a small teddy bear in overalls) Me: where should I put this one? Him: how about right there? Me: yeah, that would be good Him: yeah that spot just looked a little bare Me: (looks at the little bear in my hand)(laughs uncontrollably for several minutes while daughter stares at us)
I think his friend needed to poop or something so he asked my brother if he's got any tissue paper.
Friend: Hey, do you have any tissue?
My brother took off his shoes and made it into a T shape.
Brother: Here, a "T-shoe"
Then both of them started laughing uncontrollably.
So I was grabbing my keys off the desk, which my Movado wristwatch was leaning against, to take out the trash. As I raised them up my watch fell on the hardwood floor face down and I freaked, my girlfriend looks up from her phone at the look on my face and says:
"Watch out!"
Then begins to laugh uncontrollably.
The End.
I was eating breakfast with my parents at a hotel. It was a buffet style one. We were towards the end of the meal when this happened.
Dad: Did you see all the juices they had over there?
Me: Yeah, I went for orange.
Mom: Oooh do they have Passion Fruit and Guava juice? We could mix them and make POG.
Me: Nah, they had Cranberry, Orange, Apple, and Lemonade though; you could make COAL.
Dad: It's a good thing they didn't have Cranberry, Raspberry, Apple, and Pineapple. (He was already laughing at his own joke getting the last word out) ...Do you get it? (now in uncontrollable laughter)
Me: I could smell that one coming when you started it.
Mom groaned and pretended not to know us.
"Ah-shoe"
What does the other shoe respond with? "Bless shoe"
(This is the part where you laugh/sigh uncontrollably)
brother: This meal looks delicious. I have no regrets.
Dad as he hands him a bowl of grits: Here, now you have no regrits
followed by his uncontrollable laughter
Sister: I dont think I can finish all of this steak. Does anyone want some?
Everyone else: no
Me: I think it was probably a miSTEAK cook so much then
Sister: leaves Dad: giggles uncontrollably
A bit of a reverse-dad joke, my brother and dad were talking about the actors in the movie. My dad was lamenting Megan Fox being April, and said "I don't see how anyone could like that lizard face of hers."
My brother shrugged and calmly responded, "It gives some guys a boners, others get e-reptile dysfunction."
The guy on line behind us started laughing uncontrollably.
Me: "Those old cars were pretty big, I wonder how they drove them around"
Dad: "Probably with the steering wheel"
Que my rolling eyes and his uncontrollable laughter
that I start shaking uncontrollably
