But it was just a cat-ass-trophy
"Tennish" RIP Sir Sean.
He immediately said, “Well, I wouldn’t eat them.”
They are sigh-lent but Dadly.
My plan for lunch went a-rye.
He's such a smoothie talker.
But typically, none of them work.
At the vege-table
Instead of the typical "last year" jokes after midnight, he completely confused my mom by talking about "last month."
"We brought those over last month."
"Who's not here, please raise your hand."
It’s your typical Saab story.
A groan-up.
Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?
Me: "Typically I'm dad" :)
So this just happened.
My dad walked into my room, said "So you think you can take on your old man," doing an exaggerated impression of a bad lip sync, threw a toy throwing star at me, and left. I have no further explanation.
Person 1: I’d like it brighter Person 2: I’d like it dim sum
I asked my dad what he and my mom did for Valentines day and he said they had multiple dates. I asked him how they went and he the dates were very healthy and I should eat dates too..He was talking about eating the dry fruit!
A turban legend
Because if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat.
Dad: Have you ever heard of the band 1020 MB?
Me: Nope?
Dad: That's because they haven't got a gig yet
Don't be blue, this will be over soon. I don't typically share my political views online, but I am very PROvolone. I think every manchego has a right to choose. Some people may think I am a muenster for this. I am not just some liberal Monterey Jack. If you Havarti another point of view, it's a gouda idea to share it too.
He passed away last year and now i tell dead jokes about him
right where it hertz.
My dad: So there's this family of moles, who live underground of course. The mother mole comes out of their hole and says, "Oh, it smells like syrup out here." Then the father mole comes out behind her and says, "I think it smells like honey." Then their son comes out behind both of them, but he couldn't fit out of the hole, and he says, "Well to me it smells like molasses!"
http://imgur.com/Yo7mGGt
but became INCENSEd and quit.
A pool table!
Birthdays were always fun in our household. One of the things that I would always remember were what my dad used to do with the card envelopes. He would stuff them with confetti so that when you opened them, it would just go everywhere. He just passed recently and only after we discovered that birthday envelopes weren't the only envelopes he would do this with. Anytime he had to pay bills, he would stuff the envelope with the same sort of confetti. It just made laugh imagining the guy at the electric company opening it.
My brother - "I was cooking with rosemary today" Dad - "Who's she?"
Kay, so...
http://i.imgur.com/ym8ygJA.jpg
"I want to get a dog and name it 'Peeve,' that way I can have a pet Peeve."
typical dad:
"The wind was picking up this morning. Usually it just scatters things around."
How should i know, i don't have 2020 vision.
After my friend had a death in the family I went to my dad and told him that I loved him. He said "aw don't worry about me bud" then made fake choking sounds and proceeded to lay down on the floor silently..
Okay dad
Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?
