how do bears stop traffic

they use a bearricade

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hummanhumas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2021
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Why does the president stop at the traffic light?

Because he's a Law A 'Biden' citizen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d7my_d7oom
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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What the police officer said to the Antiperspirant after the traffic stop?

Roll-on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/woodybg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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I saw Kevin Hart stop at a traffic light yesterday...

it was Hart braking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aa_tree
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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How was traffic today? It was stop and go.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oiyshi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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Stastistics show the most common type of weed found in traffic stops is Indica

I'll see myself out...

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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He would literally stop traffic...

Every time I was in the car with my Dad and he saw a sign that said "Stop Ahead", he would literally stop and look for a head in the road. The same goes for the sign "Drawbridge", he would look around the car for a pencil or pen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOriginalApple
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
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I jaywalked on the way to work this morning. A traffic cop stopped me and handed me a whale.

He said he was "giving me a cetacean for not crossing at the light."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grecianformula69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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I was driving through Quebec, and a cop suddenly pulled me over eating fries and gravy.

It was a poutine traffic stop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Clean kill

My grandfather, in his younger days, retired from his NASCAR dreams to do construction so he could raise a family. Fast forward 45 years to 1994. I was around 15. My grandfather, grandmother, her mother, and I were on the return trip from the Costco and liquor store just inside the no sales tax state of Oregon. My grandfather was, as usual, driving. He raced for Lincoln and they sponsored him so they gave him a really good lifetime discount. He drove a brand new Continental his entire life. He always raced down to Oregon as fast as he could and then tried beating his time while driving back. Suddenly, at about 140mph, a Pheasant committed suicide on the front end. We could see feathers occasionally come loose. Grandpa already had a couple minutes to make up. Needless to say, despite my grandma's insistance, stopping to investigate wasn't in the plans. When we got home, he was cussing an ill timed traffic light with a bored motorcycle cop parked on the sidewalk waiting for his target. My grandma and great grandma nearly died when, without batting an eye, grandpa pulled the Pheasant off the car, grabbed his Gerber knife, and stripped, cleaned, and threw the bird on the BBQ. I was in dying from laughter at this point. Grandma and my great grandma were dying from embarrassment. He offered them some and grandma angrily refused for the 3 of us, calling it road kill. Without skipping a beat, he calmly replied "This isn't road kill, it's Continental Wild Pheasant, Twice-Grilled."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierragirl78
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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It's the little things.

My mom, my dad, and I started our journey across the US together in a Uhaul today. My mom likes to freak out. While in traffic, this happened.

Mom: Oh my god, why are we stopping?

Dad: Just a little bit of congestion.

Me: cough

Dad: Very good.

Me: Thanks.

Moments like these make a 26 hour drive cramped in a Uhaul together worth it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wait_No_Stop
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2014
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Another One From Doc

I was about twelve years old and driving somewhere with my Dad (Doc). It was one of my first times in the front seat. Suddenly, my Dad shoots out his big hand and grabs the top of my head. He holds my head like that for a few moments and then lets go.

After a few moments I ask him, "Why did you do that?"

"Just obeying the traffic laws," he replied.

Even at twelve I thought that was a bit questionable. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Didn't you see the sign? It said 'Stop Ahead'."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/srt19170
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2013
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What my dad does every time I say stop

When hes annoying me and I say stop this is usually what happens

Me: dad can you stop

Dad: I cant im not moving (sitting at a table)

Or,

Me: dad please stop

Dad: (in car) slams on brakes whether we are in traffic or not.

Its pretty funny but even more annoying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sheehan7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2013
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