Topless Puns

There was nobody in there.

Personally,I’m on the fence.

I just wish his wife would come out with him

I just wish his wife would do the same

Nude Jersey

https://i.redd.it/87ojoitob4oz.jpg

You can ride around topless with your wiener out.

Then the lid came off the cup ,I spilt coffee in the car and my wife says "topless?".

So this past month my grandfather taught me how to make spinning wooden tops, and sent me home to come up with designs for them. This week I came up with some cool designs and I decided to show them to my parents tonight.

My dad had this to say:

Dad (looking at the tops): You know you are going to have to take these with you everywhere, right?

Me: why?

Dad: Because no daughter of mine is going to be going around topless.

Driving through the shady part of a a city

See a building that just says 'Topless' on it. Tap my wife's shoulder, point to it and say:

"That's weird, it has a roof"

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

I love Anna Kendrick, and my dad sent me an email with the subject line "Anna Kendrick sings and goes topless in new 'The Last Five Years' clip" with a link to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtG2DJnLBEk

As you can see, Anna does not actually go topless in the trailer. When I questioned his subject line, he responded "She's in a topless car..."

Whenever anyone mentions a tapas bar, my dad acts all offended and asks them why they are discussing topless bars

Personally, I’m on the fence.

Personally I'm on the fence

Personally, I'm on the fence.

Personally, I’m on the fence

Personally, I'm on the fence

I just wish his wife would do the same.

Personally, I’m on the fence.