The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
a friend asked me to say won ton backwards ....
I said Not Now
Sorry , I had to do it
π︎ 27
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
What weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
A ton of feathers. You have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Oct 21 2020
I have tons of unemployment jokes.
I'd tell you one but none of them work
π︎ 71
π
︎ Sep 28 2020
Now that the Fall is officially here, I can't wait to make tons of extra money gathering leaves..
.. last year I raked it in.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
DAB TON
Not the best joke, but it's not bad when you read it backwards.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
There once was a man who would buy tons of buckets of roofing sealant, change the label then resell them.
Sometimes he would simply rename the brand. Sometimes he would name it a different product entirely. In a few horrific instances he repackaged it as food products. Eventually he was found, arrested, and brought to court. And though he admitted to doing all those things, he insisted that he had done nothing illegal and that moreover, his actions were protected by the law and the Constitution. His reasoning?
"I have the right to rename sealant!!!"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
I know tons of dad jokes! Hereβs one
π︎ 55
π
︎ May 29 2020
βIβm about to be in a crap ton of pain.β βWhy?β
βI just ate spicy food, son.β
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.
Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 26 2020
Randy or ton.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 29 2020
Geroge Washing Ton and Bill Clean Ton
π︎ 48
π
︎ Apr 15 2020
Wolverine delivered tons of gifts on Christmas
People called him Santa Claws
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
My friend is a sushi chef and makes a ton of money.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
I see a ton of people driving in automobiles by themselves and still wearing a mask, what are they afraid of?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 11 2020
What do you call a president that has a ton of laundry to do?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 05 2020
The NBA played it's first game in France yesterday. I decided to use that opportunity to make a ton of French puns.
roto.life/nba-paris-game-β¦
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 25 2020
A truck unloaded tons of hand tools into a river...
It is now a screwed river
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 13 2020
What's called when people start buying tons of stuff "just in case" during a crisis?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 25 2020
I have tons of friends!
Jerry and Bob, my favorite sumo wrestlers.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 16 2020
A ton of milk weighs less in a car, because then it's a carton.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 06 2019
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 04 2019
Did you know that TON spelled backwards is NUT
π︎ 150
π
︎ Dec 23 2018
Light reflecting off Vietnamese soup should be called Pho tons
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 30 2019
Why do ants never get sick? Because the have a ton of ant-i bodyβs
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 09 2019
What do you call a machine that makes a ton of the letter s?
π︎ 64
π
︎ Dec 28 2017
I love using Anker cables, I bought a ton of them to charge all my devices. Although, I have so many of them now, it's hard to keep them in order.
I need to take an Anker Management class.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 26 2019
Iβve always wondered what a ton of bricks would feel like
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 19 2019
I always wondered why my dog has to stop and sniff a ton of things for ages on our daily walks...
...and then it dawned on me she's just checking her peemail.
I suppose this morning's half-hearted squat to pee while moving was a reply-all.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 18 2018
What is the opposite of ton?
π︎ 23
π
︎ Feb 02 2018
Just wanted to let you all know you're a ton of fun.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 18 2019
Me: I met a ton of people
Dad: You had them weighed?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 04 2018
I know a ton of halloween jokes
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 31 2018
My grandma in Liverpool got scammed out of a ton of money.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 19 2018
George Washing a ton
π︎ 96
π
︎ Feb 06 2015
Dracula is walking down a street in Transylvania when suddenly tons of sandwiches, mini sausage rolls, crisps, chicken wings and cocktail sausages fall on him...
Buried under all this food, his dying words were, "Oh no, it's Buffet the Vampire Slayer!"
π︎ 17
π
︎ Oct 13 2017
Over the past 3 years Iβve lost a ton of weight at the gym.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Mar 13 2018
I tried to pick up the navy's new mounted laser turret but it weighed more than a ton.
I thought a laser would be light.
π︎ 52
π
︎ Oct 05 2017
I can pump a ton of iron.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 22 2018
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 11 2017
The Chinese government donates a ton of Viagra to the Austrian government.
They've heard that they can't get an election.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Sep 12 2016
A lorry carrying 25 tons of Vicks Vapour Rub has overturned on the M6, near Birmingham, spilling it's load onto the carriage way.
The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.
π︎ 15
π
︎ May 11 2017
A ton of milk weighs less in the car.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Aug 03 2019
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