'Tis the season for original content :^)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlipBleepBloop00
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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Hahahahahahahah 'tis funny
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/janhetjoch
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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β€˜Tis the season!
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CCplusplus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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'Tis the season
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepointstudios
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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β€˜β€˜Tis the season!”
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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My cat, JOJO, fighting Dio (circa, 1886). Tis a purrfect parody. Anime: Jojo’s bizarre adventures. Pun Clarification: Hamon is a fighting energy in the anime, you can see that the pun was replacing the word Salmon.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JamJamCuddlyLamb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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'Tis the season
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackcatjazz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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'Tis the season, yo

Daughter: Do we have any more wrapping paper?

Me: Nope, mom used the last of it. You'll have to use hip-hopping paper instead.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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Don’t want to get political, but I simply can’t resist a good pu(ti)n
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LadySaye
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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Praying Mum-tis
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Threepose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
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Tis the season

My friend gave me a procrastination test for Christmas last year, still haven’t done it

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattoo-matte
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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What did the TI-83 say after its first date?

Call-cu-later.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sr_ChalupaBatman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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'Tis the season for dad jokes!

I found this on a christmas card, and as someone that loves dad jokes more than life itself, here is goes

"What does Santa say when he walks backwards?"

"OH OH OH!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crassified
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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My kids get confused when I throw whole basil leaves at them this time of year

But as they say, 'tis the season

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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To the mathematicians to thought of zero

Thanks for nothing

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puranjay1432
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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What is a pirates favorite letter?

Aye, you thought it was an arrR but it tis the C

Edit: my son corrected me

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spicoli0525
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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The Great Insect Pun Thread

Start praying man, β€˜tis the season.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MobileBrowns
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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My 6 yo asks: β€œWhat’s a pirate’s favorite letter?”

I think to myself β€˜Oh I used to say this joke’. So in my best pirate voice I laugh and say, β€œR!”

Smirking, my 6 yo replies, β€œAye, you’d think so, but it β€˜tis the C!”

Proud moment right there folks!

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketrhinoceros
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

....because freedom rings.

Edit: wow this is getting decent attention, Happy Brexit 1776 everyone!

Edit 2: top 50 all time on r/dadjokes and I'm not even a dad yet!

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
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I got a sunburn

(After being outside for 2 hours)

Daughter: Daddy, why didn't I get a sunburn?

Me: You can't, honey.

Daughter: Really?

Me: You can only get a daughterburn.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/8Heists
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2017
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I really need to fix my watch but...

I never have the time

πŸ‘︎ 220
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DumplinThief
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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Two knights where fighting when one of them got their feet chopped off

He was defeated

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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Hello...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TakaComics
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2016
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This guy found a Leprechaun

This guy found a Leprechaun tossing a pebble back and forth. The guy said, "Hey, what are you doing with that pebble?" The Leprechaun replied, "Oh, 'tis not a real pebble, it be plastic" "Well..." the guy replied "...Then why do you have a plastic pebble?" The Leprechaun responded, "It's me shamrock"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxianLeader
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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What did the bug say to his bug wife after a bad day?

Man-tis day sucked

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EyefulSin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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Friend's Dad: What's a pirate's favourite letter?

Me: (having heard this one before) Arrr!

Friend's Dad: (pirate accent) You'd think it'd be R, but tis really the C!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YongeSt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2014
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How do u spell that again

You cant spell advertisements without the semen between the tits

A lot of folks seem to need help with this so ------- adver ti semen ts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NameViolation666
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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Everything matters

'Tis what it's made of

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaming_pidgeot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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What did the dyslexic Captain say when he tried to teach his crew how to sing?

Ro me ti

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimJobJugger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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What is a pirate's favorite letter?

Child: RRRRrrrr!
Dad: Nay! 'Tis the C

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InthegrOTTO87
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
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I was playing some guitar and someone came up to me

They told me my playing was awesome! I said: "I'm only playing sad music, 'tis nothing major"...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeszzAvrenite
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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What's a pirates favorite form of treasure?

A tiYARRa. πŸ‘‘

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesubordinate
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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Hamlet has to pee[Hamleak]

Quick little blurb I wrote in class: β€œTo pee, or not to pee, that is the question. Whether β€˜tis nobler in the bladder to suffer the slings and arrows of painful retention. Or to take arm against a see of urine and by opposing relive it. To go-to pee, No more; and by a leak we say to end the headache and the thousand visceral shocks that urine is heir to: β€˜tis a consummation devoutly to be piss’d. β€œ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rmiller25
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
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Girlfriend just dad-joked me over the phone.

She was telling me about what she had been reading in the newspaper today when she dropped this one on me.

GF: "Did you hear about the guy that got hit in the head with a can of pop?"

Me: "No?"

Gf: "Luckily it was a pretty soft drink."

ba dum tis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoGoatsNoGlory
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2014
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I am busy wrting a sharp joke , I just need to reword it

ti

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πŸ‘€︎ u/punnycobi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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What did one teardrop say to the other?

"'Tis eye, Liquid!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChargedMedal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2017
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Pulled a Christmas dad joke on my girlfriend last night

We were preparing steaks to grill with her family for dinner. As we are tenderizing the meat, she asks me to grab the spices. As I open the cabinet, I grab the spices and exclaim "Ah, tis' the seasoning!"

She did not find it as amusing as I did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhotoshopJunkie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2013
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Chemistry Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.


How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone


What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.


Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!


Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.


Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.


How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.


If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium


What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe


What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A β€˜gram’ cracker.


What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)


What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.


How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a β€œcarbonkneel”


What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.


How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.


Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down


Why do chemistry professor like to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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Dad got me with this one a couple months ago.

Dad: "What is a pirates favorite letter?"

Me: "Arrrr"

Dad:" No, tis' the sea!"

cue groans

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFakeSpiderman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2014
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My 3yo daughter is ready to be a dad...

My daughter was happily singing "We Wish you a Merry Christmas" in the bath, for 'tis the season. My wife returned home and from downstairs called "I can hear some beautiful singing from somewhere!"

Me: "Yes, I think we have a siren in the bath!"

Daughter, without skipping a beat: "Nee naa, nee naa, nee naa!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chibolamoo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2014
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Double dad joke at work

I work in a kitchen, and we just got a new load of chicken seasoning in when I turned to my coworker and said, "'Tis the seasoning!" When he groaned I said, "I thought you liked topical humor."

I didn't have another good one when groaned after that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeyheartbear
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
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My grandma taught my dad everything he knows!

My grandma has started using facebook this year and she loves to post things like this on my wall:

"I wanted to send you a Fairy Tale for your birthday, but they tend to Dragon." ""Tis better to have loved a short person than never to have loved a tall." "Two left feet? It wasn't until the mid 19th. century that shoe manufacturers began making right and left shoes. Clarks was the first to do so. Before that, our ancestors who walked a lot had sore feet. Those poor souls!"

She's got a million of them, and is apparently determined to post all of them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/strongbob25
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2013
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Saw this headline and thought to myself... Well that will teach him!

Japanese Father Kills 12yr Old Son for not Studying http://ti.me/2bjC5ra

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PASSO3058
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2016
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Dr. Seuss, Abbot & Costello

Tis the season for stories about the Grinch and Whoville. Last night my daughter, 10, asked why Dr. Seuss didn't write any more stories about Whoville, to which I replied that there was a story about their baseball team, but everyone played first base.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2013
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My mission as a dad is complete.

'V' is my 4 year old son:

http://imgur.com/fr7PzTI

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/magicmaestro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2016
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What is a pirates favorite letter?

Tis the C!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshdaily88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2017
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