Not really a dad joke but...

I will ask people where they like to get a good burger, usual suspects arise and I ask them if they've ever had 5 guys.

They'll respond oh yeah their burgers are great!

I'll respond with when was the last time you did 5 guys?

They'll say oh a couple weeks ago...

I'll say were you sore after?!? Then give it 3 seconds before they get it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeterPenishood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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Sprung this one on the Mrs yesterday

Daughter crying while I check her for the usual suspects (hungry, tired, dirty diaper) Wife: Did Layla poop? Me: No, just pee. Wife: Well would you like to sit in your own piss? Me: Depends.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jim-Dread
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2016
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The wife has been sick lately...

and I noticed that her green underwear (usually reserved for certain times of the month) had been rinsed and thrown into the hamper. Suspecting she had been doing the Aztec two-step in the chocolate rain, I held up up the pair of panties and asked what color she thought her panties were. "I dunno...lime green?" she guessed. To which I responded, "Are you sure they're not shartreuse?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickShaw530
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
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