A list of puns related to "The Pacific"
Because itβs bordering on Chile..
I look him dead in the eye and say, "What a Pacific example you just gave"
Island.
Nothing it just waved
Two ships collided in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. One was carrying red paint and one was carrying blue paint. The crews of both ships were marooned.
You could say the tides have turned.
Ill be here all night folks.
They make you Fiji tea.
Dora and Diego travel to the Pacific Northwest in the middle of winter. Suddenly they realise that there is a problem with their car, so they quickly pull into a nearby garage. The mechanic comes out and asks them "so what's wrong with your car?" Dora replies:
"Wiper no Wiping!!"
"I'm on antidepressants."
He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.
And a big wave snuck up on us. We ran quickly, leaving behind a shovel. I exclaimed βthe ocean took your shovel!β
My son: βWhich one?β
β...Well, the Pacific...β
So 3 explorers were captured by the king of a pacific island. One explorer was from Paris, one was from London, and one was from New York. The island king told them that they were all going to be killed, and that their skins would be used to make canoes. The king gave them a choice as to how they would die.
The explorer from Paris chose to be killed by a guillotine, and they cut off his head.
The explorer from London chose to be killed by a gun, and they shot him in the head.
The explorer from New York chose to be killed by a fork. The island kind was confused. He didn't know what to do with the fork, so he gave it to the explorer from New York. The guy immediately starts stabbing himself all over with the fork. There is blood everywhere and it's a horrific scene. The dismayed island king asks the explorer from New York what the hell he's doing, and the New Yorker replies...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR GOD-DAMN CANOE.
Son: Dad how deep is the ocean? Dad: which ocean? Youβve got to be more pacific
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
So my dad sent this to everyone in his office. I groaned a couple of times and thought it'd fit in well here.
Oh, the weather outside is crazy
Like a film from Martin Scorsese
The rain will fall and the wind will blow
El niΓ±o, el niΓ±o, el niΓ±o
It doesnβt show signs of stopping
My shirt and pants are sopping
Oh, where did that umbrella go
El niΓ±o, el niΓ±o, el niΓ±o
Weather patterns donβt seem right
Southern Cal is all a storm
The marine layer and all of its might
All because the Pacific is warm
The fear of fire is now subsiding
our thoughts turn to mudsliding
Down the hillside our houses flow
El niΓ±o, el niΓ±o, el niΓ±o
My friend had a really interesting job. One of those jobs you didn't know people could get.
tl;dr just read it, it's worth reading the whole description of the job
Before I moved, my neighbor's job was based in Antarctica. He worked with one of the research centers there, and his job was standing up penguins. I kid you not β when shipments arrived by air, like by helicopter or by airplane or whatever, the penguins would all look up with their tiny heads and look up so high they would fall over backwards. Now, penguins are super awkward in how they waddle everywhere, and so, not wanting to disturb the local environment, the research station had to have someone that could suit up and go out there and stand up penguins.
As soon as every shipment arrived, he would say, "Welp, better go suit up now," get into the whole penguin suit, and waddle out there all incognito and stand the penguins on their feet again. I'm sure they could have done it on their own, eventually, but the idea was to disturb the animals for as little time as possible.
I thought it was the most ridiculous thing when he told me, but he got the job through his dad's researcher colleague. Basically, the deal was they would get people to go down for 3-month periods (I think he ended up doing 6 months) and this was his occupation for that time. Actually, is plane flight there was one of the really cool parts: LA went to Sydney, which then went back across the Pacific to Buenos Aires. Then, on the final leg, he would finally go Buenos Aires to the research station. The planes actually had to be specially fitted for the job, though β Of course, you can't have typical runways in Antarctica because they'd get ice all over them and there'd be all these problems β so the planes had to have mechanics on board each flight who would, mid-flight, switch out the take-off wheels for the landing skis. Just like a sea plane, except it was a snow-plane. Coolest thing ever.
Oh, but the way he described working with the penguins was the best! Most of the time he'd just go out and stand them up, but sometimes one would hurt itself. Like one time one of them fell over backwards and hit its foot the wrong way, so he had to not only pick it up, but give medical help, too. He seriously had to prop up the penguin, take off his glove, and pull on each of the penguins little webbed toes, pull on their legs. Sort of like how I'm pulling your leg right now.
My sister was talking about how the Atlantic has shit weather, because it's mad that's it's not as big as the Pacific.
My wife replies, "it throws temperature tantrums".
I asked her what time it is and she said "We are in the pacific time zone now so..." And I said "well that's very S'Pacific'! And a moan ensued and then she said "let's just pretend you didn't just say that". I would call that a success!
I recently joined a CSF - a community supported fishery. Once a week, I'll pick up a filet of freshly-caught salmon, a bag of shellfish, or other such delights from the Pacific Ocean and bring it home to my darling wife and children to much joy (or anguish, depending on who you're asking.)
You get to choose your pick-up spot, and I chose a location close to my office, so I could swing by on the way home; it's a nautical-themed bar, appropriate for such a business transaction. "Go to the bartender and ask for the fish", say the instructions; so I did, and he handed me the catch of the day. Gleaming white filets, glorious they were. Then I met a friend of mine, and after chatting for a little while, I went home.
"Jack," says my wife, "what took you so long? You should have been home an hour ago!"
"Sorry," I said. "I stopped by the bar, just for the halibut."
What's the scariest plant? Bam-BOO!
Don't get scared by the new cutting board. It's made from bam-BOO! Pandas aren't afraid of anything. They're surrounded by bam-BOO! War movie about the Pacific? Look how scared they are! It's because of the bam-BOO!
...his dad jumped up into a boxing stance and said, "what round is it". For you kiddies, rotary phones sounded like a bell ringing.
Backstory, he often reminded us we were talking to the 1940 something pacific fleet middle lightweight champ.
He was a great guy and I miss him.
I play poker with a bunch of 50+ year old men every Saturday, and earlier this evening I was telling them about a documentary I watched called Head Hunters of world war 2, which is about some b17 pilots who crashed in the pacific, and were protected by a tribe of headhunters who started hunting Japanese soldiers to protect the American pilots.
After I finish telling them, one guy pipes up and says "did they find a job?"
The collective groans became raucous laughter.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.