It turns out the capitol rioter did NOT accidentally kill himself with a taser to the balls and the story was just made up to disrespect him...
I don't think anyone is shocked.
(Source: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/capitol-riot-taser-death)
Whats the last thing a serial killer hears before he kills his next victim
(True story) My GF asked me to kill a spider in the bathroom today.
It was so small that I couldn't even see it at first. She had to point it out, a tiny brown pinhead crawling up our slightly-darker-brown cabinet about knee-high.
"How did you even see that?" I asked.
And she answered, "With my spider-sense."
I love this woman so, so much.
The only way to kill a French vampire is to slowly drive a baguette through its heart.
The process is a little painstaking.
How do you "kill the lights"?
You hang them from the ceiling
I went back in time to kill the person that made bread.
Now he yeasts to exist.
One I came up with myself
What’s yellow and kills you if you get it in the eyes?
What's the best way to kill a circus?
Why did the socialist kill all the average workers at his factory?
He wanted to cease the means of production
The other night I tried to kill a vampire with a really big pointy stick, but my aim was terrible.
It was a giant missed stake.
What is the name of the assassin that only kills candles?
Why did the crazy Mexican kill people on trains?
Kills 99% of germs, the rest 1% cause bad puns.
Why did the French chef want to kill himself?
He lost the huile d'olive.
In the movies, silver bullets can kill werewolves.
In the military, it's used for analyzing heat casualties.
Did you here about the murderer that only kills people with pepper?
They call him the ex-achoo-tioner
Why did the scientist researching death and the afterlife kill himself?
He was dying to know what happens.
What did the sniper say when asked why he couldn't kill his target when he realized it was his long lost best friend?
How did the English teacher kill her self - cliff hanger!
I thought the suspension would kill me.
When the bridge slowly began to collapse.
Why did the train kill the other train for no good reason?
Why did the terminator kill people even after retirement?
I decided to kill off a few characters in the book I'm writing.
It would definitely spice up my autobiography a little.
Pun enters the room and kills 10 people.
What genre of book can the author not kill off the main character?
Why did the world's tallest man kill himself
He had no one to look up to.
Why did the lion born in 2010 kill the deer born in 2016?
Because the lion pre-dates the deer.
What is it called when you kill someone with a bow from the high ground?
Look at that guy Russian to kill the joke
Since vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don’t just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why there are so many vampires from Europe...
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa.
How did the hunter kill the polar bear?
He hit him right between the ice!
The dwarf fortune teller who kills his costumers...
...is a small medium at large
We finally obtained the secret weapon to kill the evil Dolphin King!
It kind of defeats the porpoise, though.
My wife told me to take the spider out rather than kill it
We got some drinks, cool guy, he wants to be a web developer.
How did the triangle kill the square?
How do you kill a ghost using liquor that has been frozen in the shape of an icicle?
Why did the maniac kill the train engineer?
The tiger got loose at the circus and made it's first kill quick.
It went right for the juggler.
Did you hear about the polish guy who thought is wife was trying to kill because he found “polish remover” in the house ...
It's not the fall that kills you...
...It's the sudden stop at the end
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