Thought yβall might enjoy these illustrated puns I found on the back of my English lit class notes from high school π
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︎ Dec 20 2020
BREAKING NEWS: Scientists launch sneak attack on the periodic table.....
Add the element of surprise.
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︎ May 01 2021
John Maynard Keynes opposed the creation of the London Marathon.
He thought we'd all die in the long run.
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︎ Apr 28 2021
Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
I have a new pen that can write underwater, and in a volcano and on the north pole.
It can write other things too.
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︎ Jul 01 2021
Did you see the news about the new virus infecting people ears ?
Experts believe best defense to be heard immunity
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︎ Jun 25 2021
I came from the psychiatrist and I have good and bad news
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︎ May 26 2021
Breaking news regarding the notorious abuser of a certain Irish novelist.
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︎ Jun 25 2021
News just in: In a terrible accident at the NestlΓ© factory today, a crate of chocolate fell from height trapping an employee.
Every time he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me", his co-workers cheered.
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︎ Jun 13 2021
NEWS FLASH! The toilet has been stolen from the local police station.
Police say they've got nothing to go on.
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︎ May 26 2021
If someone told me tomorrow is the start of a new month...
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︎ Jul 01 2021
Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night
Iβm on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
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︎ Jul 06 2021
UFO's have been in the news a lot lately but no one seems to care.
Frankly, I think it must be over most people's heads.
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︎ May 18 2021
Have you heard about the new restaurant on the moon?
They have great food but no atmosphere
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︎ Jul 04 2021
On the way to work, I saw the Channel 13 news truck getting towed.
I guess they really wanted that breaking news.
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︎ May 28 2021
On the news there was a report of a cheese factory exploding in France.
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︎ Mar 17 2021
Where can you read about the latest news at the beach?
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︎ May 16 2021
Did you hear the news about The Underground Railroad?
They were confronted by one of the officials and got arrested for blackmailing
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︎ Jun 01 2021
I just got a new job in a factory making plastic Draculas. There are only two of us on the production line
so I have to make every second count.
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︎ Jun 24 2021
I heard on the news, a man was shot 200 times with an upholstery gun.
Apparently he's now completely recovered
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︎ May 11 2021
Did you see in the news, that artist who varnished his girlfriend with cheese?
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︎ May 22 2021
Saw the trailer for the new Top Gun movie
It looked kinda plane to me
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︎ Jun 26 2021
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︎ Jun 29 2021
A man was digging holes for a new fence and got mad at the ground for ignoring his conversation
"What.... am I boring you?"
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︎ Jul 07 2021
Have you seen the blind guy on the news lately?
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︎ May 08 2021
My new girlfriend works at the zoo
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︎ Jun 19 2021
Did anyone see the news story about the HIV virus mutating to affect citrus plants?
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︎ Mar 11 2021
Darth Vader found his new wife near the stairs...
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︎ May 04 2021
Thereβs a new virus out called the Peekaboo virus!
They recommend if you catch it to proceed straight to the ICU.
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︎ May 19 2021
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillowcases?
They are really making headlines!!!
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︎ Jun 05 2021
Did you hear about the new male birth control lotion?
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︎ Jun 17 2021
Last week my daughter asked me for the new iPhone.
I said, you can only have one of those, if you get good grades, do your chores and follow house rules.
If you don't, it will be a much cheaper phone.
Basically, its my way or the Huwaei....
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︎ Jun 14 2021
I bought a new leaf blower the other day.
I didnβt really need one, but it was a stihl of a deal!
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︎ Jun 17 2021
Did you hear that the invisible man had a new job offer the other day? He turned it down!
Apparently, he couldn't see himself doing it...
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︎ Jun 30 2021
News flash: A sewage truck exploded on the highway.
Many nearby were left with turd debris burns.
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︎ Mar 17 2021
Did you hear about the guys who commuted between London and Paris every day?
They ended up with Carpool Chunnel Syndrome.
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︎ Jan 04 2021
My wife tried to tell our cat that we would all be flying to a new home, but the cat seemed unimpressed.
I explained that the cat doesnβt understand plane English.
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︎ Jun 14 2021
Iβve come up with a new word for when you remove your bra at the end of the day: Gravititty
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︎ Jun 12 2021
Did you hear about Dr. Suess' new book about a Japanese warrior in the town of Whoville?
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︎ Jun 27 2021
Whenever I read the news
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︎ Feb 28 2021
Was planning a big announcement that Iβm watching the new Marvel TV show.
But Iβm keeping it low key.
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︎ Jun 09 2021
I donβt know how I feel about the new show Loki
I guess you could say Iβm low key not loving it
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︎ Jun 29 2021
I just got a new personal best in the 100 metre sprint.
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︎ Jun 15 2021
So my son bought his first house. It was a fixer-upper that needed a new roof. He had to skimp on the lumber πͺ΅.
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︎ Jun 25 2021
I've started playing chess in the park to help me meet new people, I've now got a new Polish mate
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︎ Jun 22 2021
Have you heard the news that Liberty University is suing the founderβs son and former university president?
That Jerry doesnβt Fall Well.
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︎ Apr 18 2021
Did you hear about the new movie about tropical birds, starring Ben Stiller?
It's called "Meet the Parrots"
A sequel is already in the works: "Meet the Flockers"
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︎ Jun 28 2021
Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.
Iβm on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
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︎ Apr 11 2021
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