Thought y’all might enjoy these illustrated puns I found on the back of my English lit class notes from high school πŸ™ƒ
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tmkwee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: Scientists launch sneak attack on the periodic table.....

Add the element of surprise.

πŸ‘︎ 877
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
John Maynard Keynes opposed the creation of the London Marathon.

He thought we'd all die in the long run.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,

we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.

πŸ‘︎ 597
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PavilionFlux
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a new pen that can write underwater, and in a volcano and on the north pole.

It can write other things too.

πŸ‘︎ 399
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JadedByEntropy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you see the news about the new virus infecting people ears ?

Experts believe best defense to be heard immunity

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bonnieblack100
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I came from the psychiatrist and I have good and bad news

I'm bipolar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuFP
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Breaking news regarding the notorious abuser of a certain Irish novelist.

He's kicked the Beckett.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
🚨︎ report
News just in: In a terrible accident at the NestlΓ© factory today, a crate of chocolate fell from height trapping an employee.

Every time he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me", his co-workers cheered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2021
🚨︎ report
NEWS FLASH! The toilet has been stolen from the local police station.

Police say they've got nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
🚨︎ report
If someone told me tomorrow is the start of a new month...

...I’d say Julying

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuckyTaco_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night

I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2021
🚨︎ report
UFO's have been in the news a lot lately but no one seems to care.

Frankly, I think it must be over most people's heads.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/levelologist
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the new restaurant on the moon?

They have great food but no atmosphere

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MartianHunter420
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2021
🚨︎ report
On the way to work, I saw the Channel 13 news truck getting towed.

I guess they really wanted that breaking news.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
🚨︎ report
On the news there was a report of a cheese factory exploding in France.

Da brie was everywhere!

πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj8o8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Where can you read about the latest news at the beach?

In the sandpaper!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unfussed
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the news about The Underground Railroad?

They were confronted by one of the officials and got arrested for blackmailing

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Komebak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I just got a new job in a factory making plastic Draculas. There are only two of us on the production line

so I have to make every second count.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pretend-Genius
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I heard on the news, a man was shot 200 times with an upholstery gun.

Apparently he's now completely recovered

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corvette-Ronnie
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you see in the news, that artist who varnished his girlfriend with cheese?

Double Gloucester

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thing3218
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Saw the trailer for the new Top Gun movie

It looked kinda plane to me

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordofthstrings
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Got a new tattoo, it’s Dis-Knee. The other one is already the Bee’s Knees reddit.com/gallery/oa14rp
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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A man was digging holes for a new fence and got mad at the ground for ignoring his conversation

"What.... am I boring you?"

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you seen the blind guy on the news lately?

He hasn’t

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qwerty_V
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My new girlfriend works at the zoo

I think she's a keeper

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Did anyone see the news story about the HIV virus mutating to affect citrus plants?

It can cause lemon AIDS.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobskimo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Darth Vader found his new wife near the stairs...

Her name is Ellie Vader

πŸ‘︎ 182
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πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
There’s a new virus out called the Peekaboo virus!

They recommend if you catch it to proceed straight to the ICU.

πŸ‘︎ 223
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bananachewww
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillowcases?

They are really making headlines!!!

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new male birth control lotion?

Its called son block

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/airhogg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Last week my daughter asked me for the new iPhone.

I said, you can only have one of those, if you get good grades, do your chores and follow house rules.

If you don't, it will be a much cheaper phone.

Basically, its my way or the Huwaei....

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I bought a new leaf blower the other day.

I didn’t really need one, but it was a stihl of a deal!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TongueBandit69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that the invisible man had a new job offer the other day? He turned it down!

Apparently, he couldn't see himself doing it...

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GooderApe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
🚨︎ report
News flash: A sewage truck exploded on the highway.

Many nearby were left with turd debris burns.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSabrewulf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guys who commuted between London and Paris every day?

They ended up with Carpool Chunnel Syndrome.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife tried to tell our cat that we would all be flying to a new home, but the cat seemed unimpressed.

I explained that the cat doesn’t understand plane English.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KwikKarma53
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve come up with a new word for when you remove your bra at the end of the day: Gravititty
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/small-rainbow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about Dr. Suess' new book about a Japanese warrior in the town of Whoville?

It's called Sam-are-i

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eagleboy444
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Whenever I read the news
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whoosp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Was planning a big announcement that I’m watching the new Marvel TV show.

But I’m keeping it low key.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I don’t know how I feel about the new show Loki

I guess you could say I’m low key not loving it

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nbnicholas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I just got a new personal best in the 100 metre sprint.

64 metres.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
🚨︎ report
So my son bought his first house. It was a fixer-upper that needed a new roof. He had to skimp on the lumber πŸͺ΅.

But I trussed it.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ceraminal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I've started playing chess in the park to help me meet new people, I've now got a new Polish mate

I also got a Czech mate

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanterSauce69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the news that Liberty University is suing the founder’s son and former university president?

That Jerry doesn’t Fall Well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WCBrann
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new movie about tropical birds, starring Ben Stiller?

It's called "Meet the Parrots"

A sequel is already in the works: "Meet the Flockers"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the101wanderer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.

I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoldaHolda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report

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