Informational Puns

They said: "In space nobody can. Here, use cream"

That information is strictly confidental

a-reptile-disfunction.

Sorry North, things went South.

A uniformed racist!

Get it?

Aware_wolf

Ya don’t say.

...I said Pgigadactyls.

I hope it’s not a wind up

I wound up using cellular.

The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."

A Hacksaw.

They deserve a no bell prize

That's alot of information to swallow.

I just don't get IT

The wife said "was it murder"? The officer said "no madam it was suicide" The wife said how" can you tell"? The police said - "On the cctv your husbund climbed out of the vat 5 times for a pee!"

Feefiphobia

Edit: wow! I never expected this to reach such great heights..... Thank you for the awards, kind redditors.

...by tex-mexage.

In the Dada-base.

It's sage advice.

The wiki wiki

I can’t seem to put it down.

Aruba - Cherry Pie $3.45

Bahamas - Apple Pie $2.75

Jamaica - Key Lime Pie $3.34

Saint Croix - Lemon Pie $4.21

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

A HIPAA-potamus

So a colleague is leaving my work (transfusion medicine lab) to work as an information manager for the organ transplant service. I make cards and I’m trying to think up something punny to write on/in his card and I’ll paint a picture on the front for context. I was thinking like “bloody good luck” or “sorry you’re transplanting”... but less shitty!

Thanks in advance :)

And all this time that’s how I always referred to my two kids at all times

Me: Yikes! What is The Cure?

Doctor: Oh my God. It is worse than I thought!

Someone’s getting LED tonight. ;)

Googoo gaga

They need to get their fax straight.

They don’t care about fax anymore

There once was this fella was born with a silver screw in his belly button. His parents, and later himself, searched far and wide trying to find someone that knew how this happened and how to remove it. As he grew older he cared less and less about the "how" and more about the removal. One day in his never-ending search he encountered a wizened woman who said that she knew of a place where you could go and a mysterious force would be able to remove the screw. But, before she provided the location she asked him if this was REALLY something he wanted done and if he knew all the consequences of his desire. The man hastily said that he was 10000% sure and more than well informed of the consequences. So, she gave him the location of the cave and the instructions on how to gain the help of the mysterious force. He was to go to the cave and sleep nude in the cave over night and by the morning his request would be fulfilled. He made his way to the spot with all due haste and followed the instructions to the letter. He did this and fell into a sound sleep. During the night a heavy fog rolled into the cave and a shining silver screwdriver floated into the cave with it. It floated down to the man and gently removed the screw. When the man woke up in the morning and saw the screw on the ground beside him he quickly reached down and felt his belly button. The screw was gone! He sprung up with great joy but the minute he landed after his leap of joy his butt fell off. He froze in horror and started to scream "Why did my butt fall off?" over and over.

The moral of the story is "Don't mess with things you don't understand or you will lose your butt."

He said, "Software?"

I said, "In my pants."

It's a site for sore eyes.

Dear Sir,

this is the federal prosecutor's office, informing you that you've been convicted and charged on seven counts of piracy.

It usually has second hand information

Oct-ogre

(Credit to my 4-y old!)

So I drove down the manualbahn instead.

and that I have to pay more attention when I pick him up from school.

I was Orthodoxed