What did the instructive dad say to help the little boy struggling learning how to tie his shoes?
π︎ 4
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︎ Jan 14 2017
I bought a roll on deodorant, the instructions said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I walk kinda funny now but my farts smell great!
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︎ Jan 02 2021
He followed the instructions word-for-word
π︎ 14
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︎ Dec 14 2020
My dad gave me standing instructions to not scare him on halloween
Well, it is invalid as I was sitting.
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︎ Oct 05 2020
I purchased a deodorant stick today. Instructions say, "remove cap and push up bottom."
I can hardly walk, but when I fart the room smells lovely. Credit: https://pun.me/pages/dad-jokes.php
π︎ 90
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︎ Aug 03 2020
I've just bought a bottle of head lice treatment but there's no instructions on how to use it.
It's left me scratching my head to be honest.
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︎ Jun 06 2020
The new Lego store recently opened up
People lined up for blocks
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︎ Jan 10 2021
I just bought a Monopoly set which has no instructions,
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︎ Jun 08 2020
My wife told me to flip off the thermostat before we left the house. I donβt think she appreciated how I followed her instructions.
π︎ 74
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︎ Feb 16 2020
What colour is an instruction to cry out in pain?
π︎ 4
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︎ May 23 2020
Following instructions to make mayo
Teacher: -So, add sunflower oil and stir
Me: -Hmm, I didn't quite understand that. I guess I'll ketchup later!
π︎ 4
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︎ May 02 2020
Trying to play the new official Rick Astley boardgame.
But the instructions just say βYou know the rules, and so do Iβ
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︎ Nov 15 2020
My friend found he worked best when instructions were spoken aloud. Then he could perform them.
It was easier said then done.
π︎ 12
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︎ Jan 28 2020
My dairy farmer uncle died leaving written legal instruction for me to inherit a single gallon of cheese production byproduct. Makes sense, because...
Where there's a will, there's a whey.
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︎ Dec 20 2019
Did you know you cannot breath through the nose while you're smiling?
π︎ 10k
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︎ Jan 08 2020
Matthew McConaughey is a professor now!! When he gives his students research assignments he instructs them to . . .
All Write!
All Write!
All Write!
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︎ Oct 14 2019
On the instructions of my ready meal it says "Rest for 5 minutes once cooked".
But I'm not tired at all.
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︎ Aug 22 2019
Just following instructions
π︎ 10
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︎ Apr 22 2019
Assembly instructions not included.
π︎ 36
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︎ Jan 30 2019
I once got an origami set without instructions
I didnβt know what to make of it
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︎ Dec 13 2018
What do you call the set of instructions that makes the internet work?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 22 2019
As a pharmacist who usually writes instruction labels for oral medications...
Most of what I say to patients is ingest.
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︎ Mar 10 2019
Even though Math is a median of instruction, teachers can be really mean. Sometimes they enjoy students going into range mode.
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 14 2019
A police officer stops a guy carrying a backpack on suspicion of terrorism.
The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack.
The guy obliges.
In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.
"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"
"But why?" the guy protests.
"You have been caught carrying weapons of math instruction!"
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︎ Oct 30 2020
I gave the art restoration people very simple instructions
If it ain't baroque, don't fix it
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 14 2019
A complete set of instructions for riding an escalator:
π︎ 20
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︎ May 24 2018
"Dad, how do you cast spells?"
"You just follow the instructions."
"Which instructions?"
"Yeah, they're the ones."
π︎ 12k
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︎ Feb 09 2020
My daughter is at a seminar learning to instruct physical conditioning programs to locomotive passengers
It's called train training training training.
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 26 2018
Despite my excellent instructions, my student keeps sinking instead of swimming.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 04 2019
I recently gave a lecture instructing people how to give directions by violently thrusting their arm towards the intended destination.
It was a PowerPoint presentation.
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 28 2018
Whatβs Captain Picardβs first instruction to his employees, in anticipation of the Friday evening crowds at a Mexican restaurant that he supervises?
βMake queso, number one.β
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 26 2018
My wife got an instruction during warm-ups from her at-home workout program to switch feet.
Me: I didn't realize you had more than one pair.
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 02 2018
I was making furniture with Braille instructions
It was really hands on work.
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 06 2018
Christopher Nolan was giving his composer cooking instructions.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 12 2017
If you pick up a road traveler with an instruction manual for his Samsung phone...
...isn't that book the hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy?
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︎ Nov 30 2016
After the TV-show-taping we were instructed to leave our seat only when the Page called us...
I told him: "you're alright in my book!"
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 20 2017
I bought some dandruff treatment, but it did not come with instructions.
It left me scratching my head.
π︎ 11
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︎ Jul 29 2020
I bought a new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom"
It hurt like hell, but my farts smell great.
π︎ 37
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︎ Jan 25 2020
I bought a new deodorant today. The instructions said to remove cap and push up bottom.
I can barely walk but my farts smell lovely.
π︎ 35
π
︎ Oct 06 2019
Trying to play the new official Rick Astley boardgame
But the instructions just say βYou know the rules, and so do Iβ
π︎ 38
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
I was shopping for some deodorant this afternoon. I noticed the instructions said βremove cap and twist up bottomβ
It hurts to walk now but my farts smell great!
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 11 2018
Got a new deodorant stick today. Instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom"
I can barely walk, but every time I fart the room smells great!
π︎ 74
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︎ Mar 03 2018
I'm never using stick deodorant again...
The instructions said " remove cap and push up bottom"
I can hardly walk.
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︎ Jul 05 2020
I just bought a Monopoly set, but there aren't any instructions...
...I mean, what are the chances?!
π︎ 12
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︎ Apr 06 2018
Whatβs Captain Picardβs first instruction to his employees, in anticipation of the Friday evening crowds at a Mexican restaurant that he supervises?
βMake queso, number one.β
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 25 2018
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