There was a civil war at the North Pole once, but the elves don't talk about it much...

It was a cold war. Also a short war, with little casualties.

It lasted six months. The truce came after the elves realized they'd wasted the whole day fighting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlliedSalad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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Most people consider the Battle of Gettysburg the turning point of the American Civil War

For the Confederacy, it all went South from there

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πŸ‘€︎ u/speedoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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What do you call the last chapter in a book about the Civil War?

The Appopendox!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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Everyone keeps saying that after the election there's gonna be a civil war. I disagree.

There's gonna be a Trumper Tantrum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotchyCookiez
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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Did you know that on this day during the American Civil War, armies on both sides skipped breakfast?

They had to March first.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OneSidedDice
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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Why don't people like jokes about the Civil War?

They're General Lee not funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cjborange
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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I'm a historian who studies the American Civil War. Unfortunately, it's been hard making money at this.

So I applied for a General Grant.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
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Did you know that before the civil war

In school Jefferson Davis was voted most likely to secede

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmyjaymes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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Whenever I hear Trump talk I think of a civil war leader rallying the troops.

I mean, just generally speaking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingBooRadley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
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What do you call soldiers from the South when they partied during the Civil War?

Confetti-ate soldiers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skyfi357
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2018
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Vulture Problems (and apologies to Kansas)

The Prince of the vultures had always been a rebel, but he surprised everyone when he announced he was going to be a vegetarian. And nobody expected this to divide the vulture kingdom, with nearly half the vultures supporting the Prince's choice. Tempers flared, and civil war was brewing when the Prince burst into the King's chambers.

"Father," he cried, "I never meant to cause this. I'll do anything you say to reunite the kingdom. Please, Father, what should I eat?"

The King set a plate of roadkill in front of the Prince, and said "Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rjsquirrel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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Dancing queen

My dad and I were talking about the civil war and the use of slaves and the freedom movement and the such a while ago, (he's a history teacher at the local high school). "Dancing Queen" came on the radio and he leaned over and said, "do you know what people who like this band should be called? Abba-listen-ists" and laughed by himself for a solid minute.

Please help

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fastersnail
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2015
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So, I was telling my kids about the history of eating black-eyed peas and greens on New Year's Day...

[this one is actually technically a mom joke]

...and I was explaining how the practice originated during the American Civil War, but they're still young, so I had to explain how we got into the war.

Me (Dad): "...so the South didn't like what the North was doing and they decided they wanted to quit the country."

Wife (Mom): "AND THEY SECEDED! ... Get it? SECEDED! HAHAHAHHA! It's like succeeded, but it... nobody?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BunsOfAluminum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2014
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A turtle was crossing the road...

...in front of our shuttle bus yesterday, on our way to a Civil War re-enactment. "He's trying to get away from the battle before it begins", said our driver.

Without missing a beat, I quipped "Yeah, he must have heard there was going to be a shelling."

Half-hearted groans were had, and my wife wanted to disappear. Success!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pacmanfan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2014
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When he was young, my dad went to a 60's party

He went as a Civil War soldier. "I thought you meant the 1860's!" he said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Abras
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2013
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A surefire bet that Dad will always win

Five bucks says the North won the Civil War.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kurt_Kilgore
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2014
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