Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck.
They contacted his next of Ken.
That's a damn good joke. I'm proud of that joke.
But it's hard to say...
I lost the case
So I drove down the manualbahn instead.
"Only EWE can prevent forest fires."
Officers say they have nothing to go on
There was concern that they might have died from Avian Flu. An avian pathologist examined the remains of the crows, and to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not avian flu. The cause of death was vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the birds beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that nearly 96% of the crows had been struck by trucks, while only 4% were car impacts.
The MTA then hired an Ornithological Behavourist to determine the reason for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills vs car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat roadkill, they have a look-out crow nearby to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah!", none could shout "Truck!"
but a leper never changes its tots.
(My dad made this up when we visited Spinalonga in about 1998...its one of his all time classics. I only remember the punchline so I made up the first bit and its not historically true.)
because it's 90 degrees there
She said try Sarah Topps.
I heard he uses a lot of cymbalisms in his works
They thought it was cannon to the story.
At least he died on his own terms.
I said that I didn’t feel tempted to do so et. al
He was left with only a semicolon.
They put him in the writers block. Couldn’t get past his first sentence.
Toast-oyevsky!
Because she's Rowling on the floor with laughter
"Mark my words"
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Walking
JK
Rolling
sorry if it’s a repost my cousin told me it like 2 months ago
Autobiography
Jk Rowling
Because he wanted to use a pen name.
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
His life had its prose and cons
It's a web-cite.
After reading it, the authorities all agreed that it was a killer joke.
I'd heard it was a write-off.
I try to be supportive and say “write on, brother” every time I see him.
I guess his story didn't check out
I'm calling it Crazy Rich Citations
Fus Roald Dahl
Always going on and on about their webbed feet and soft, insulated.... Oh wait, that's male otters
She said, “Try Sarah Topps”
He said to try Sarah Topps.
She said try Sarah Topps
Falling! Jk, Rowling....
