Using my telescope, I could barely make out the British coin worth one fourth of a penny after I launched it into the upper atmosphere...

It was a far-thing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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A massive telescope dropped on my head yesterday....

I was seeing stars all night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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I have never actually used a professional telescope in my life.

It’s something I’m thinking of looking into.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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Have you ever used a telescope?

If not, you should look into it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chennai_buzzer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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If a telescope crashed into a microscope

would it be a kaleidoscope?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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Had some friends over and they were telling me they are in the market for a new telescope...

I told them β€œ be carful telescope salesmen can see you coming a mile away!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HalfBakedPotato84
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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Whoever named pirate's telescopes spyglasses really missed an opportunity.

They should have been called "Ayeglasses."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hypnotoadful
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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A friend loaned me his telescope and asked if I wanted to buy it.

I told him I’m looking into it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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A telescope turned up in our lost and found box

We don’t know who it belongs to, but we’re looking into it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abeily
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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After a long job search, I finally got a job in a company that makes telescopes.

Things are looking up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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So I was using my telescope tonight and when I came back in:

Me: Got to see a bit of the moon tonight before clouds came in.

Mom: Was it a new moon?

Dad: No? It's been the same moon for millions of years.

Thank you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blood_N_a_Brush
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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My son asked me how to spell "Hubble," like the Hubble Space telescope.

I wasn't listening, so I said "Sorry, what was the question?"

"Two Bs or not two Bs, that is the question."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/incrediblejonas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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I have always wondered what it would be like to use a professional telescope.

I’m thinking of looking into it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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Let's demolish train stations and airports, and build lots more tall telescopes. We'll probably live a lot longer!

In my experience, patients under observation do far better than the terminally ill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bamsebamsen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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I'm in the process of writing an extraordinary telescope joke.

Watch this space.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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Dad, are those telescopes gay?

No, they’re binoculars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayKayComedy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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You don't need a flashy Telescope

You can see Uranus just fine with a mirror

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paladium9999
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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I haven't figured out how my telescope works yet

But I'm going to look into it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rodney_skinner
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2015
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I lived in a giant telescope in space once

it was my hubble abode

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuzikBike
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2016
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If the Hubble Telescope got married...

It would be called the Hubby Telescope.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scarecrow1001
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2016
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Texted my dad "currently reading about telescopes. pretty great stuff." He replied "far out"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scipio_aurelius
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2015
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The stars are bright

My dad is a Navy Vietnam vet who is about to be a retired GM electrical engineer. He is retiring against his will because he has had three strokes, colon cancer, a pulmonary embolism, necrotic esophagus, renal failure, pneumonia, basically a medical shitstorm and he survived it all. In the process, he has lost a lot of memory and quite a bit of his cognitive abilities and furthermore, his balance. However, when I took out the trash tonight at nearly half past ten, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the stars looked outside tonight. So upon returning, I told my mom and dad "The stars sure are bright tonight. They look amazing." To which my dad then asked, "You know why they're so bright, right?" Now I'm an amateur astronomer. Hell, my first and only telescope was inherited to me by my mother who got it from her father. So knowing its winter and I live in Michigan, I tell my father, "Because its so cold and dry, the star light isn't blocked as much?" His reply; "No. Its because the sun went down. So now its darker outside." Dad: 1. Me: -5.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hyperbattleship
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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Computer Puns

How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.


Where’s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.


A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.


If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.


There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.


In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?


Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.


Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.


Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.


An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks β€œmay I join you?”


Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.


Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.


How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem.


I named my hard drive β€œdat ass” so once a month my computer asks if I want to β€˜back dat ass up’.


I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.


I changed my password to β€œincorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say β€œYour password is incorrect”.


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.


Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didn’t know who he was.


I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn’t have internet.


A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.


Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardwar

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
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Astronomy Dad Joke

I was doing some stargazing with my telescope Saturday night, since it was a good time to view Uranus. When I was done, I carried my telescope inside and my brother says "What were you looking for?" I made a point to say it like 'Ur-uh-nus'.

Dad walks into the room as I am leaving and asks my brother what I was looking for. Inevitably, my brother replies 'Ur-ay-nus'.

Dad quips to me down the hall: "Leave your brother alone and look for your own!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kosmosouthern
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2015
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I have never owned or used a telescope in my life.

It’s something I’m thinking of looking into.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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I have never owned a telescope in my life.

But it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Ive never owned a telescope in my life.

It’s something I’m thinking of looking into.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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I've never owned a telescope...

But it is something im looking into

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adrevenueisgood
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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