What do you call a knife that joins the track team?

Blade Runner

👍︎ 9
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why South Dakota has the best track teams?

They Rushmore

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/d8spereaux
📅︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I once photographed a track team practice for the high school yearbook.

I guess you could call it timed laps photography.

👍︎ 833
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 27 2015
🚨︎ report
Why did the vegans quit the track team?

They didn't like the meets

👍︎ 4
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I recently joined the track team...

we spent the car ride home talking about the famous world runners and their impressive times and such. When we got home my dad said:

Dad: "You know I'm actually a record holder myself"

Me: "Wait really? In what event?"

Dad runs downstairs and comes back up with the biggest grin on his face, and holding a box of vinyl records

👍︎ 241
💬︎
📅︎ Dec 21 2013
🚨︎ report
Japanese Olympic Track and field team [long]

the Japanese Olympic Track and field team, in typical Asian make-every-thing-harder-to-do-than-it-has-to-be fashion have announced that hey are sticking by their regimen of only using malformed, decade-and-a-half old, equipment rigged to pop out of the course unexpectedly in order to secure their hopes of Olympic glory. While this may seem counter intuitive, Kadauo Osakamizu, a analyst for the team claims there is actually a historic cultural precedent for the odd exercises. In a quote, Mr. Osakamizu insists that the idea is that "if the team can excel with such sub-par materials, executing wins when the equipment is good should be of little concern."

So it seems that at least for the foreseeable future, Japan will be pinning their hopes on Teenage, Mutant, Ninja Hurdles.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Oct 26 2016
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a group of midget geniuses and a woman's track team?

Well, one is a group of cunning runts.

👍︎ 56
💬︎
👤︎ u/stevekraft
📅︎ Jul 20 2013
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the one about the two best friends from the same track team?

They used to run in the the same circles until they got side-tracked by life.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 08 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad was a mechanic and crew chief for a dirt track racing team...

When I helped him out in the shop:

Me: I think I put that bolt in the wrong hole.

Dad: Did it slap you?

Me: What?

Dad: Well, if it didn't slap you, then it wasn't in the wrong hole!


Bonus dad joke:

Me: What's for dinner?

Dad: Something with food in it.

(Every single night)

👍︎ 11
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 11 2013
🚨︎ report
Here is a series of increasingly terrible math puns.

What kind of math do birds use?

Owl-gebra

What kind of math does a farmer use?

Cow-culus

What kind of math should you avoid if you have carpal tunnel?

A-wrist-metic

Which mathematical process would you use to find the total amount of chinaware you have?

Ad-dish-on

Which mathematical process would be most commonly found in a 1950's style diner?

Malt-iplication

If one runner on team injured her leg, how would you find out how many can still run?

Sub-track-tion

👍︎ 69
💬︎
👤︎ u/SkipperXIV
📅︎ Apr 16 2015
🚨︎ report
What sports team did the train conductors join?

The track team. I'll see myself out

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/Dellell
📅︎ Feb 14 2017
🚨︎ report
give a helping hand

I have very recently started training with a Men's Roller Derby team. A lot of the guys are refs in the local Women's Roller Derby league and this evening I was helping them get the track ready for the weekend.

Three of us were busy duct-taping a rope around the edge of the track when some guy came up to me and said "It look's like they've roped you in."

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/CollarRed
📅︎ Mar 26 2015
🚨︎ report
You know why South Dakota has the best track teams?

They Rushmore

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/d8spereaux
📅︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.