But it was just a pigment of my imagination
Because they always say neigh.
I guess you could say he turned over a new Leaf.
Aunt
Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.
F'raternity
It took me 4 hours to get sworn in
I specialize in surprise endings.
MAKE AMERICA GRAPE AGAIN
Oh yeah
Me: signs document
Banker: "Oh, sorry, you also have to swear to the information on this paper"
Me: "Well, that's kinda weird."
Banker: "Yeah, since this is a sworn document, you have to swear. It's weird, I know."
holds up piece of paper and makes a concentrated face
"Fuck!"
I thought he wanted to watch me drop frozen waffles along the shore and trick a bunch of communists into eating them.
After all, I could've sworn he said his dream was to see the Sandy Eggo Commie Con
I was confused becuase I could’ve sworn I was on grass
I couldve sworn it was 6:04 like a minute ago.
A bunch of ROTC kids were getting sworn in at halftime and the lady says, "I, state your name." And I swear to you, half the dads in the stadium go, "I state your name" followed by stifled chuckles
News: "Larry Hogan was sworn in today as the 62nd Governor of Maryland..."
Mom: "So he was only governor for one minute."
Such pun. Much groan. Wow.
Could've sworn I'd kept my eye on it.
Girlfriend sits down at spinning wheel to spin fiber into yarn.
"I think I'm going to spin for a while."
"Don't get dizzy."
commence groaning
So I am staying in Germany with a host family. I know little German and we all went out for lunch. I was looking at the seafood section and I took forever in deciding what I wanted, going back and forth between the salmon and the sea bass. I finally decided on the sea bass, and we order our food.
So some restaurants in Germany are a lot more casual than American restaurants, and you sometimes seat yourself and the waiter/waitress will bring the silverware and napkins to you later. So when I saw the waiter bring over a plate with silverware and napkins on it, he placed it in front of me, to which I naturally said:
"Well, I could have sworn I ordered the sea bass."
My host family literally died laughing.
