What’s Irish, stays out all summer and goes inside in winter?

Patio Furniture

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marasydnyjade
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this....

I’ve never heard him complain

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NameViolation666
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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If Green = Spring, Red = Summer, Orange = Autumn, and Blue = Winter, which colour is the wettest?

The Spring-colour.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ravisandesu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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What are the four seasons?

Spring, Summer, Pumpkin, and Winter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2017
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Donkey walks into a bar and sees there’s a horse in the bar as well.

Donkey starts speaking to the horse, β€œSo what do you do?”

β€œOh in the summer I do racing and in the winter I do the showjumping.” says the horse.

Donkeys thinking, holy shit, this is a thoroughbred.

β€œWhat do you do?” Asks the horse.

All embarrassed the donkey says β€œoh... uh... well in the summer I give rides to kids at the beach”

They chat a bit more and arrange to go round the donkey's house for drinks next week. Donkey's thinking to himself he’s got to come up with some way to impress the thoroughbred. So he gets a picture of a Zebra, a nice frame and hangs it up.

Horse comes round and goes β€œOh this is a nice house you’ve got, that’s a nice picture too”

Donkey says β€œOh aye, that’s when I played for Juventus”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skubbags
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2018
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Why do people care only when a tree falls in the woods?

Trees spring, winter and summer in the woods too (Because they're stationery).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/turddicken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
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Did you know that all of the seasons are named after a tight coil of metal?

Except for winter, summer and autumn...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
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God dammit dad, we're already late.

On bridges in Michigan, there are signs warning motorists of ice that forms over them during the winter months.

When I was a kid, I was riding in the car with my dad one hot summer day. my dad says, "boy is it hot..." as he pulls over on the bridge, unhooks his wristwatch and sticks it out the window. I ask, "what are you doing, dad?" And he says, "didn't you see the sign? 'Watch for ice on bridge'!"

He laughed for a good five minutes as he drove off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-El
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2013
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Bees?

Sitting at Breakfast today, the question came up: "what happens to bees in the winter, and how do they come back so fast in the summer?"

Skipping all the answers and cutting to the chase, I answer: "The bees die and come back as ZomBees". Lot's of groaning and laughing followed from everybody minus the gf.

I'm now single.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Howzie09
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2015
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I lost 50 pounds on a diet over the past year...

Meanwhile, when I came back home to visit family this summer, my parents were surprised by the amount of weight I lost, as I had gone from 275 pounds over the summer to 250 over the winter to 225 now. They'd just been back from Scotland, and right after they congratulated me on my weight loss, my father remarked that he had a gift to give me from their trip:

http://i.imgur.com/19Io48t.jpg

Really, Dad?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DriftingSkies
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2015
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My father on iCloud storage...

Me: dad, I need your credit card for $0.99 to buy 20gb of iCloud storage for my phone.

Dad: shakes head in confusion You need what?

Me: I need $1 for iCloud storage...

Dad: I can see why you would need it in the summer, but it's winter and there are plenty of clouds in the sky...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanielPerianu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2015
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My dad has always been good at what he does.

I saw this picture on the front page and had I had to send it to my dad. This is his e-mail response.

"Hey, Konceptz

Holiday greetings vary. Summer funny. Others try to spring a trap on the reader. Of course, that works best on people who will fall for anything. My Mom always told me that when I winter the mailbox to be careful for booby traps.

See son, I'm trying to look out for you. Hope you have a great Christmas!"

Quite dadstardly of him...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konceptz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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