Grand-Dad Joke that I've grown up with... Seasonally appropriate

Which reindeer is the least famous? Olive! Olive, the other reindeer!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MerylNMonroe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2013
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Welcome to Seasonal Pun Emporium!

We’ve got all wordplay for all your seasonal needs. You’ll have so much fun, you’ll never want to leaf. Do You want puns that really only work this time of year? We gautumn!

(Okay but actually those are my only two. In the spirit of fall disclosure).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tylerjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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A lightly seasoned pun

Me: Just added more watersoftener salt and now my mouth tastes salty....I guess you can say the salt aSALTed me.

Friend 1: facepalm

Me: Don't be so salty about this, it was only a lightly salted joke

Friend 2: The humor, it needs more seasoning!

Me: I'll give it more thyme to sink in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skippy439
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2014
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Seasonings Greetings!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OfficialDampSquid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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I was diagnosed with Dunlaps Disease shortly after feasting my way through the holiday season...

Yep, my belly dunlaps over my belt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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'Tis the season for original content :^)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlipBleepBloop00
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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My dad just told me his joke about seasoning a pot roast.

It's about thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaunj656
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Happy Ho.idays to friends and .oved ones c.ose and far. B.essings to you and yours this Yu.e season.

(This is my No-L greeting.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonDuJour
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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Have a happy Holiday Season y’all reddit.com/gallery/k22bhw
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Jazzman_8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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What do you call an agnostic person during the Christmas season?

An eggnogstic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trillerzap136
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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Why couldn't they ring the jinge bells this holiday season?

Why couldn't they ring the jinge bells this holiday season?

There was noel

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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What was Bob Marley's favorite seasoning?

Oreggaeno

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πŸ‘€︎ u/enjoyinglifetoday
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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What is an accountant's favourite season?

Summer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnykelly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Seasonal
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HorseBoxGuy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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How does a military fanatic season their food?

With a salt rifle and pepper spray.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jzerene
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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How much seasoning do you put on pork chops?

You can go ham.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kenitals
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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I quit my job as a taste tester at the herbal seasonings factory...

... I found the work too Thyme consuming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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To which season is bowtie pasta best suited?

It's for fall!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twitchard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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How do planets staying busy during hunting season?

By shooting stars

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pillaryspud
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?

Quack Quack!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beard_sniffer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I may not be a dad, but....

The last Christmas season made me into a real father figure!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EVejrup
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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My wife always yells at me for not knowing how to properly season my food, but I don’t mind.

I take it with a pinch of sugar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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Just got a job offer at a thyme factory

It's seasonal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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What is a cop’s favorite seasoning?

Pepper spray.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tupacwolverine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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I posted this on r/memes a while ago and it didn't blow up or somthing. I am just so proud of this it makes me laugh every time
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πŸ‘€︎ u/or2072
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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What do you call an ex-military rolling around in spices?

A seasoned veteran.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snipesma
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Ahh.. nothing like the passing of the four seasons here in lovely Ireland

Easily my favorite day of the year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...

... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.

Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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For the upcoming NFL season, players will not be allowed to keep chicken as pets.

That would be considered a personal fowl.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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Guys, I just got a new career offer!

It’s at the spice factory, which is great. The best part about it is that it’s a seasonal job. Heh. Heh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MTBCardBear4211
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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It's campfire season....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ostrantula
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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Bedroom seasoning

Babe & I tried to spice things up so as to improve our sex duration

But as a 2 mins guy I came on thyme, as usual

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Farmzy_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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I bought the best ever seasoning for my mutton.

It’s the Greatest Of All Thyme

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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I really hope this whole COVID-19 thing gets cleared up before tick season

Because then we’d have corona with Lyme

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sw24rexx
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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I’m trying to learn the alphabet but I can’t get past X

I don’t know why

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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My kids get confused when I throw whole basil leaves at them this time of year

But as they say, 'tis the season

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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How does a cop season their food?

With assault and pepper spray!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VerbalAcrobatics
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the soldier who got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?

He's a seasoned veteran

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the solider that got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?

He’s now a seasoned veteran

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CuteBearLegs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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