See ya sucker!!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/popman-
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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How did the octopus beat a shark in a fight??

It was well armed!

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fredwardofox
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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What do you do when an elephant has three balls?

Walk him, then pitch to the rhino. He’s a sucker for a curveball.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doctor_boombot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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Why did the vampire get a COVID test?

Because he was COFFIN.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brylanham
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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How do you make an octopus laugh?

Give it ten tickles (tentacles).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CAra_CHAOS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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I bet Egyptians are suckers for pyramid schemes.
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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Did you hear about the guy who beat up a lollipop?

He gave it a good licking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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The Homeless Brothers - Sucker (Parody) youtu.be/0ollaScoXOQ
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAeromarine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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Brain Sucker

I learned this from an old girlfriend's dad when he did it to her little sister.

Dad: Puts his hand on top of kid's head and squeezes to imitate a rhythmic suction. Then he says "You know what this is?"

Kid: "No what?"

Dad: "It's a brain sucker, you know what it's doing?"

Kid: "Sucking my brain."

Dad: "Nope! It's starving!"

This one gets me every time!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beat1706
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2014
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What do you call a conspiracy theory blood sucker that lives on the moon?

A lunar tick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGrimBleeper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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My friend once said that if life gives you lemons. Squeeze those suckers and make some lemonade.

I said. What is life to you? some kind of a lime joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baldomccoy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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I got my fish to clean my tank for free

Suckers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Proudfishy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Sonic would really love boxing

He’s a sucker for rings...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingClydesdale
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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Why do con artists never run out of lollipops?

Because there's a sucker born every minute.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dave7243
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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"what part of your body would you get rid off?"

"My spine, It holds me back."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__Odelay__
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
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Not really a dad joke, but...

more like dad revelations. I was pulling up carpet and padding Sunday because we adopted two very rude Husky puppies last year that like to urinate in the house. As I was working, I was listening to Parliment Funkadelic on Pandora and I came to the realization that I was listening to P-Funk as I was dealing with pee funk.
Another thing that happened the same day was I took an opened bag of bird feed out of the closet to pull the carpet up and when I looked at it a bit later, I saw beetles all over the bag and crawling on the counter where I had set it. Probably 40 of the little suckers. I had to text my wife about that one. "Honey, I've got bad news. Our bag of bird feed has been infested with beetles. Yes, our bird feed has been infested with... more bird feed."
Anyway, just thought I would share. Carry on with the groaners.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpartanMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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My English teacher saw a kid in my class eating a sucker...

...she asked where he got it from. He said he got it from his little brother's elemenrty school and they sold treats to kids. My teacher was shocked by this, she then asked "Are they nuts?!?!?" To which I reply "No they're suckers.". Typical dad joke reactions ensued and I was satisfied.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xXplainawesomeXx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2016
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Somebody tries fighting me while I was holding lollipop

Needless to say, he got sucker punched

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DingusTickler007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Saw this on my sisters group chat
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boidoy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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Groundhog Day

Not completely sure this is a dadjoke but it sure got the same reaction. This happened about two years ago.

My wife used to work nights and on Friday and Saturday after she went to work, my then-12yo son and I would often watch a movie together. Sometimes he picked, usually it was a movie from The List, movies I liked when I was his age, things that shaped my sense of humor. I want him to be able to recognize the stupid quotes and references I throw at him. It’s his cultural education.

So we settled in for Groundhog Day. I’m a sucker for time travel shenanigans. Finished it up, he enjoyed it, and the next morning he was off to Boy Scout camp for a week.

He came back, we’re all excited to see him, and I tell him I got Groundhog Day 2 from Netflix. Threw it in the DVD player and we got about 20 minutes into before he looked at me and said β€œthis is just Groundhog Day all over again, isn’t it? There is no Groundhog Day 2.”

So worth an extra week hanging onto the disc.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shellexyz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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The brain sucker

As long as I can remember he has made this joke, i'm 22 now.

Dad: (puts hand on my head). "Hey son, what's my hand?"

Me: "idunno dad, what?"

Dad: "it's a brain sucker. And what's it doing?"

Me: (partially annoyed cause iv'e heard this a million times) "whaaaaaaaat dad???"

Dad: "Starving." (Walks away with a smirk, like it's the first time he's ever told me it) -_-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nicktheduck
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2013
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I pretended to throw a ball for my plecostomus, and he chased after it.

He's totally a sucker.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glt23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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Looking for a new pun tat

I already have a bee on my butt-cuz when I do the sizzle finger thing I say it stings beeing this hot

A pacifier on my middle finger- for the suckers

I am hoping to get a fly in a suit soon holding some jars of honey- cuz you can catch a fly with honey but you can catch more hunnys being fly

Any other ideas would be appreciated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drippinsteezsam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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Why do mountains never get cold?

Because they have snow-caps!

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustinJSJ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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I love chocolate

Hard candy is for suckers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bandito210
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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I was brushing my daughter’s teeth...

My five year old daughter had a blue colored sucker before bed. As I was brushing her teeth, I noticed they were a bit discolored.

β€œHey! You’ve got Bluetooth!” I said.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/byrd107
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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My wife just got her breast pump going...

So my wife just got her breast pump all set up. She's got the double suckers rolling, tits out, milk flowing like a minor tributary. And I ASK "ARE YOU PUMPED?!" fucking genius.... She stared silently for like 10 seconds. Then told me to post here.

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeremySTL
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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How do you say goodbye to a vampire?

"So long sucker"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MclovinCanada
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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I wish sugar never would have been discovered...

There'd be a lot less suckers in the world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dasvott
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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My old Vacuum finally broke and I had to throw it out.

I’ll miss that sucker.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartacats
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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Politics

Poly = many Ticks= blood-suckers

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhmorgan87
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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just quit my job at the lollipop factory

so long, suckers!

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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What do you call a stupid fish?

A dumb-bass

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Norskey
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2013
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What do you call a guy who blows all his money on jackets at the advice of a psychic?

A seer-sucker.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stickmanofdoom
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
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What drink fools and hurts you?

A Sucker Punch.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wormri
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2017
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My dad's favourite joke while walking down the pop isle

Dad: Man! I'm so thirsty I can drink Canada Dry!

Me: (γ€’οΈΏγ€’)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ninjap0wz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2016
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Dad jokes galore: Candy company settles with mid-Missouri man over underfilled boxes

A settlement has been reached in one of the sweetest lawsuits ever to be filed in federal court, but details of the payday are under wrappers.

Daryl White Jr. of Belle, Missouri, didn’t sugar coat his anger about paying a dollar apiece for boxes of Mike and Ikes and Hot Tamales that were only two-thirds full. Determined not to be a sucker, he hired counsel and paid the U.S. District Court Western District of Missouri a $400 filing fee to sue Just Born Inc., the candymaker’s parent company, for alleged deceptive advertising and unjust enrichment.

SOURCE

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/missourijake
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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What does a vacuum cleaner say to his brothers in the aisle when a customer takes him away ?

So long, suckers!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arklaw
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
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The difference between a lawyer and catfish

Is that one is a slimy, bottom dwelling sum sucker and the other one is a fish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PolesawPolska
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
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My brother and sister were talking about food a few minutes ago.

My sister asked if we ever had shepherd's pie. I told her, "No, but every so often I cook 'matterdaddy.'" She walks off while shaking her head.

My brother doesn't get it and asks, "Matterdaddy? Matterdaddy? What the heck is a matterdaddy?"

I immediately respond with "Nothing. What's a matter with you?"

He groaned loudly and my sister just responds with "You're such a sucker for falling for that."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alf-was-here
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
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My dad at a movie theatre

So my family goes to watch this Bollywood mystery movie. We get there a little late, and there's only space for us at the very front row. Upon sitting in our seats my dad says "I'm so glad we're sitting at the front."

Hearing this I said "What, these are the worst seats possible."

He says back to me "At least we'll know the ending before any of these suckers."

I heard people behind me groan.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timelord71
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
🚨︎ report

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