Successfully Puns

The first human bean is here

Now my high school kid wants me to remind him of Newton's 3rd law of emotion

It was a cell fulfilling prophecy

I guess you could say the steaks were high

He was beside himself.

The results speak for themselves

He created a pyramid scheme

Edit: spelling

... because she put's the intended recipient in the box marked "Subject".

But there were some baby goats there using alchemy to paper money into coins near the exit. As I rushed out the door, I tripped over some of their stacks of coins, which knocked me out til the police showed up.

I was so close! And, honestly, I would have gotten away with it too... if it weren't for those metaling kids.

Whey to go

You could say he was out standing in his field

Because nobody else had done it the Wright way before.

I also lost my job as a barber in the process.

"Hey dad, I tried that Indian bread you bought."

"Oh yeah? How was it?"

"Good! I tried putting it in the toaster but the top stuck out and didn't get toasted. Really, though, it's a naan issue."

They failed their spot check.

And when your elephant comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.

Which is no small feat

My younger brother was so desperate about having an A+ in his English exam that he said that he'd be going to hell if he didn't do so.

He didn't get an A+, which I fully used to my advantage.

"How did the test go, bro?"

Got an A-...

"I guess you're on the headway to hell now."

He never groaned more in his life.

So I was just browsing reddit and eating some noodles. I came across this video about a guy who is only able to use one sound to communicate. Just as I was stopping the video, my roommate came over and asked me what I was watching. I said, "Just some guy who can only say 'tono'. I stopped watching because it got really repetitive." He told me that I would make a good dad some day :)