If you want to weigh a whale you take it to a whale weigh station. So where do you go if you want to weigh a pie?
Somewheeere over the rainbow...
When I was a kid it was free to use the air hose at the gas station. Now it’s $1
I once went to the CNN broadcasting station. They had an aquarium full of rubber amphibians.
Just as I feared... fake newts everywhere!
I like to listen to music as I fall asleep, so I tuned the radio to the Metal station
I've always been a heavy sleeper.
Do you know why air pumps at gas stations used to be free but are now $1.50?
I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette
I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.
The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!
After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.
I went to the local petrol station
There was nothing coming out of the nozzle. I walked to the kiosk and i said, have you got your pumps on?
He said, no, I'm wearing flip-flops
Compressed air at gas stations used to be FREE, but now you have to pay $2!
Went to the Police Station yesterday and started singing Rock a bye baby.
The Sargent stopped me and said, "No sir, we need an alibi."
My son tried to make me a rest bed with a built-in water station, but the water kept squirting out.
I smiled and told him, "Hey, it's the cot that founts!"
Remember when you could go to gas stations and put air in your tires for free? Now it’s $1.75! You know why?
After the most historic series of fires ever, an arsonist goes into the police station to turn himself in.
It was his claim to flame
I went over to a station where people could gather and entertain themselves with games. On the entrance was marked “5”
An astronaut was trying to make coffee on the space station...
Astronaut 1: "I want to make coffee but I can't find any milk."
Astronaut 2: "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
How come it used to cost a quarter to pump your tires at the gas station, and now it costs a dollar?
I left it late to get a gift for my mum for Mother’s Day. Ended up at a petrol station. I bought her some Lorry Oil...
Whenever my dad goes to get gas he says “regular please” and when the gas station attendant (we live in Oregon) asks “fill?” my dad replies
“No, Fred, nice to meet you”
A man decided to stand on top of a police station
1 boy was named trouble and the other was called shutup. One day trouble got lost so shutup went to the police station and said ‘I lost my brother’. The police said ‘what is your name’ ‘shutup’ the police said ‘what did you say to me’ ‘shutup’. The police said ‘are you looking for trouble’ ‘yep’
If you ever wonder what its like to work at a power station
All that I can say is that the atmosphere is absolutely electrifying.
We were driving across state over the holidays and my 4 year old tells us she has to pee. We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. I proudly proclaimed ‘Urine luck! There are plenty of places to go at this exit!’ Sadly, I only got an eye roll from my wife.
What radio station do pirates listen to?
I noticed the other day that you now have to pay to fill your tires with air at a gas station.
Fishing on an inland lake on an island this weekend with my daughter. This island generates lots of power via wind turbines. Anyway, We are on the lake and it gets rough and REALLY windy. Pretend to get mad and yell at the power station...
"Turn off the damn fans, I'm trying to fish over here and you are creating too much wind"...
groans ensue.....
Me *at service station*: want to get some sweets for the road?
Dad: I think the road’s already full thanks
We used to be able to go to a gas station and pump our tires for free. Now it costs $1.50, you know why?
Inflation
(Actual joke told by my dad today)
Talking to a conductor at the train station
Background: Where I live, we have these little plastic cards instead of tickets to get on trains. You load it up with money electronically and then "touch on" at the train station and "touch off" when you get off at your destination. The other day I touched on at the station. Shortly after arriving, the meeting I had been going to got postponed. So I touched off. I wanted to make sure that I hadn't been charged for sitting in the station for five minutes so I went up to the ticketing booth.
Me: Is there anyway for me to check the balance of this online or something?
Conductor: Oh, no need. I can do that for you!
He takes the card, places it on the end of his finger, and holds it up to his eyes.
Conductor: Yep, perfectly balanced!
I think he was surprised by how funny I found this.
Why did the battery go to the police station?
EVERY TIME he goes to the gas station
Dad: I'm going to fill the car up with gas AND put fuel in the tank!
A man died from a heart attack when being taken to the police station
It was my first day on the job at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. My boss gave me the easiest, but most important, job on the assembly line. After a few hours, my boss frantically ran to my station to check in on me. "Why are you so far behind? Why are marbles and thread scattered everywhere?"
"Sorry boss... I just can't keep up! You told me to give each Elmo two test tickles!"
A man was giggling in a police car on the way to the station. What crime did he commit?
A woman went to the police station to report her husband as missing
The officer asked her if she tried using a stud finder
A farmer was arrested and soon after a large quantity of hay was FedExed to the police station. When they asked the farmer if he had anything to do with it he said...
"Yeah I asked my son to post my bale."
I live in a remote town. We're building a train station to encourage travel to nearby places.
All thanks to a strong local motive.
Went to the gas station today.
Started filling up tank with regular 87. Didn't sound right, so I pulled the nozzle out and see that it was just a bunch of shaving cream. Tried the mid grade: rubber snakes. Premium: Jimmy Kimmel canceled Christmas.
Dammit, April Fuels.
They took the piece of Swiss cheese down to the station for questioning...
His alibi seemed to check out, but his story was full of holes.
Complained to my dad about having to pay $1 at the gas station air pump...
"Don't be upset, you're just compensating for inflation."
:|
Do you know why I allowed a police station to be built on my property out in the Styx?
Cause I've got too much crime on my lands.
Remember when they used to have air at the gas station for free? Now it’s $1.50
Before air was free at the gas station, and now you have to pay for it? You know why?
Air used to be free at gas stations, now it's $1.50. Know why?
Air used to be free at gas stations, but now it costs $1.50...
Did you all notice you have to pay for air now at the gas station?
It’s because of inflation
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