Station to Station Puns

Inflation blows.

I smiled and told him, "Hey, it's the cot that founts!"

I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.

The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!

After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.

I went to play station 5

It was his claim to flame

‘Cos she’s worth it.

Inflation

Inflation.

Astronaut 1: "I want to make coffee but I can't find any milk."

Astronaut 2: "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."

Yep. Inflation.

He’s above the law now

All that I can say is that the atmosphere is absolutely electrifying.

“No, Fred, nice to meet you”

NP Arrrrrrrrr

"Turn off the damn fans, I'm trying to fish over here and you are creating too much wind"...
groans ensue.....

I blame inflation.

Inflation

(Actual joke told by my dad today)

Dad: I think the road’s already full thanks

It has it's pros and cons

To get charged

"Sorry boss... I just can't keep up! You told me to give each Elmo two test tickles!"

I mean, this is a Marathon, not a Sprint.

The officer asked her if she tried using a stud finder

Background: Where I live, we have these little plastic cards instead of tickets to get on trains. You load it up with money electronically and then "touch on" at the train station and "touch off" when you get off at your destination. The other day I touched on at the station. Shortly after arriving, the meeting I had been going to got postponed. So I touched off. I wanted to make sure that I hadn't been charged for sitting in the station for five minutes so I went up to the ticketing booth.

Me: Is there anyway for me to check the balance of this online or something?

Conductor: Oh, no need. I can do that for you!

He takes the card, places it on the end of his finger, and holds it up to his eyes.

Conductor: Yep, perfectly balanced!

I think he was surprised by how funny I found this.

It was a cardiac arrest.

All thanks to a strong local motive.

Dad: I'm going to fill the car up with gas AND put fuel in the tank!

Manslaughter.

Started filling up tank with regular 87. Didn't sound right, so I pulled the nozzle out and see that it was just a bunch of shaving cream. Tried the mid grade: rubber snakes. Premium: Jimmy Kimmel canceled Christmas.

Dammit, April Fuels.

"Yeah I asked my son to post my bale."

Cause I've got too much crime on my lands.

His alibi seemed to check out, but his story was full of holes.

I want to hear more about the big storm system in the area but they keep asking for updates from a "meaty urologist."

Radio Jockey Randy : Okay caller, here is the final question for $5,000 cash.

Contestant : I’m ready, Randy!

Radio Jockey Randy : Name three automobiles that start with ‘P’.

Contestant : Uh ... Porsche, Pontiac and Plymouth!

Radio Jockey Randy : Oh, I’m sorry contestant, those all start with GAS!

"Don't be upset, you're just compensating for inflation."

:|

Before I start; a golden gaytime is an ice cream that's pretty big in Australia.

So we went to the servo to get an ice cream. We were having a look when my cousin says "Hmm, I think I might have a Gaytime", to which I replied "Well when you're done just buy an ice cream and meet us at home."

He gets out of his car to fill up, spilling some gas on the ground. Just then a dog runs up, licks the puddle, and starts running laps around the station. After five minutes, the dog keels over, all fours in the air. Nervous for the dog, the man asks the attendant whats wrong. The attendant says, "nothing, he just ran out of gas." (from a friend's dad)

Cashier asks if I want any fuel. 'I'm not that thirsty'. I grinned.

He didn't even smile.

Heavy fines.

It’s because of inflation