Sometimes I squat down, hold my knees to my chest, and lean forward

Because that’s how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cleverless
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
If you squat on a stump and take a dump....

Is it considered a toilet-tree?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rj17141
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m stuck on the toilet!

Call the squat team.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirty-Slippers
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I don’t know how you guys get home every night but, I squat down, put my head between my knees and fall forward.

That’s how I roll

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueholeload
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
It is purple/red and makes a nibbling sound when you squat in the grass

Vegetarian hemorrhoids

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meegja
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My 8yr old daughter got me with "I can breathe under water"

She filled a cup of water placed it on her head and began to violently and rapidly breathe in and out. The force is strong with her.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theevildave
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a software engineer doing squats?

A back-end developer

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shitty_Orangutan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Squats are a pain in the ass.
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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I once saw a man squatting behind a grave. β€œMorning!” I said.

β€œNo, just having a shit” he said

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peachyfluf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly squats

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jenny312
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I put the dumbbells on the rack after finishing a set of squats.

It was a big weight off my shoulders.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Two homeless fellas are squatting in an abandoned house down the road.

I guess it's cheaper than a gym membership.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a German man squat down the other day to pick something up

He was krautching.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taocman
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw a woman squatting behind her car on the roadside the other day, and I thought to myself...

That’s a funny place to lift weights.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Old [and lazy] guy at work says, β€œyou know what work out is best for lazy people?”

β€œDiddly squat”. Dead pan serious as he says it too.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jubo-ish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Every day I squat down, tuck my head between my knees and lean forward.

That's how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wheezy360
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
🚨︎ report
I think my wife is secretly putting glue on my antique weapon collection.

She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I squat on the floor, put my arms around my legs and lean forward.

That's how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fudgebert
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
🚨︎ report
The powerlifter skipped leg day again.

He did diddly squat.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I once grabbed a slippery soap...

It got out of hand pretty quickly

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alcinada
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Puns mmmmn
πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MathieuVeldhuis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
The other day my friend asked me what my favourite workout was

I said, "jack squat, I do it all day".

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Three year old got me again.

Came home from work, squatted down, held out my arms and asked my son where my hug was. Without missing a beat he looks over his shoulder and says, "I don't see it anywhere."

πŸ‘︎ 307
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flapjack22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Schindler's lift imgur.com/AdspSaZ
πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2014
🚨︎ report
How does Bigfoot stay in shape?

It does Sas-squats.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bunch of seniors with bad knees and poor vision?

Squeaky squat squad squinting

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s Ned Flanders’ favorite exercise?

Diddly squat

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Macauley_Sulkin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I always wondered why my dog has to stop and sniff a ton of things for ages on our daily walks...

...and then it dawned on me she's just checking her peemail.

I suppose this morning's half-hearted squat to pee while moving was a reply-all.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Batshit_Betty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dad sitting with super strong legs?

Papa squat

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TyTyFitz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I don't mind leg days

I just do diddly squats

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoureAMuenster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm lazy but still went to the gym...

Did a bunch of diddly squats.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/signalranch
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
🚨︎ report
At the gym on a date with a lawyer

We had finished squats and were moving on to the next exercise. I told her:

Your Honor, I request permission to approach the bench.

She didn't find it as funny as I did.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ogionthesilent
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Was walking the dog this morning.

I figured out that our heeler is part alien, because he leaves crap circles instead of crop circles.

(he gets so excited on walks that he doesn't "squat still", instead going in a circle)

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jehannum_505
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2016
🚨︎ report
One my dad just used on me

I asked my dad if he could make me a sandwhich and he said, "i dont know, that sounds pretty hard to do. Let me try." He then squated, put his arms out, and wiggled his fingers at me and then said" BOOM, you are now a sandwhich!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gizmah
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2015
🚨︎ report
Exercise talk

I was sitting around with my brother and dad watching sports and we got on the subject of exercise. I asked my brother if he ever squats nowadays. My dad interrupts and says, "nah, he stands sometimes though."

Groan.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2015
🚨︎ report
I feel like this joke is underappreciated on /r/todayilearned.

http://goo.gl/4RBWVA

tl;dr: TIL During the 2014 Sochi Olympics, Russians got free passes on the Moscow subway system if they did 30 squats in front of a motion sensor

/u/SayLem37: "How did the sensor know they were russian?"

/u/eatnubmer1: "They did the squats quickly."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eatnumber1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2014
🚨︎ report
My uncle told me this one

Two men are walking in the jungle when suddenly one has to poop. He tells his friend and the friend says he has to go too. Of course there are many dangerous animals in the jungle so they are scared of going alone. Then the first man suggests that they get some leaves and squat back to back so they can keep an eye out. The second man agrees with him. While they are pooping a lion's roar erupts from the trees. The first man speaks

"You're sacred aren't you"

The a a second man not wanting to seem like a coward says no.

The first man says

"Then would you mind wiping your own ass"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoolAsACucumber
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Dad joked by my workmate...

I'm a mechanic, and our work van has some cheap after market headlights installed. One wasn't working and I found out its because they're poorly made. I commented "Look at this Chinese crap!" He turned around and says "No, this is a Chinese crap" and squats down on the floor.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoulFate
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
🚨︎ report
What kind of exercise do lazy people do ?

Diddly-squats

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly squat.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/waffel-daddy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sticky118
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly squats

πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddley squats

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PNWCatDad
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
How to lazy people exercise?

They do Diddly Squats!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tw1ch1e
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
New to me.

Sometimes I squat on the floor, hold my knees and lean forward.

Because that's how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2014
🚨︎ report

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