A friend and I were trading sponge puns... (Hint: I really milked it)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jank_Tank
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2016
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What do a boy band and a dish sponge have in common?

Both are in sink(NSYNC)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RigidRat
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
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Sponge cake
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bababa_babanana91
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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Why did the sponge wake up early?

To get the moist out of the day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bakevaren
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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It took me ages cleaning the dishes with my wife.

Next time, I think I'll use a sponge instead.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2021
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I once knew an arrogant sponge

He was very self absorbed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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I've just washed the car with my son..

Next time I'm going to use a sponge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
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it's a sponge cake
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shapkael
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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Why are sponges such good listeners?

Because they soak up everything.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reach_Greatness
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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I was washing the car with my son, until he said β€œcan’t you just use a sponge”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lafleur2017
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
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These guys broke into my house and stole everything except for my soap, my hand sanitizer, and my sponges.

Dirty bastards

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaDaBeast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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How do sponges talk to the devil?

They use a squeegee board.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ethanholmes2001
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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Why was the sponge so rude?

Because it was so self-absorbed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andye2801
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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- Dad, explain the tides to me?
  • Well, first of all, there's sponges!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peter-the-average
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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What do you call a distant shower sponge?

Aloofah

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOnionKerniggit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
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My Dad always enjoyed washing the car with his sons.

I don't know why he didn't just use a sponge, like other Dads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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I actually struggled at first
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DustyyDoggo
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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My costume is a bunch of sponges pinned to my shirt

I’m self absorbed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/topderp1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
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I wonder

How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikethelabguy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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What did one sponge say to the other sponge?

Nothing. They were too aloofa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amhayesing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2017
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Did you hear that Sponge Bob broke up with his girlfriend?

He's back to square one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hajduken
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
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Why did the bath sponge have trouble making friends?

He was a loofah.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wigglewam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2015
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A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RabbitHODL
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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Me: Is the dishwasher dirty?

Dad: No...
Me: puts plate in sink
Dad: ...but the dishes inside are.
Me: moves plate to dishwasher

(Edit: formatting)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dj_rogers
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
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-Dad, can I wash the car with you?

-I don't know son, why can't you just use a sponge?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cray_z8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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I don't know if this is a Dad joke or just plain appalling...

I was in the kitchen with John Lennon about to do the dishes and I turned to him and said:

"Right John, I've got my washing up basin, sponges, hot water, the dishes themselves of course...is that it am I ready to go? Do I need anything else?"

And John turned to me and said-

>!"All you need is glove!<

>!All you need is glove,!<

>!All you need is glove,glove!<

>!Glove is all you need"!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeeHootieMctoo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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So you’re tellin me a shrimp fried this rice?!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/droopydrip1007
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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**Dad:** Hey M, did you hear about that kidnapping? (my little sisters name is Emma, everyone calls her M for short)

My Little Sister: No! What happened?!

Dad: Dont worry, he woke up.

My Little Sister: ROLLS EYES

Me: Hahahahahaha! Nice.

My Little Sister: Omg! Is this funny?

Dad: No, THIS IS PATRICK! (We all really love SpongeBob SquarePants)

I GET UP TO GIVE MY DAD A HIGH FIVE AND HIS PHONE RINGS AS SOON AS I GET UP. IT'S MY MOM CALLING HIM FROM THE KITCHEN

Mom: Hi, I was wondering if I had the right number. Is this funny?

Dad: No! THIS IS PATRICK!

My Little Sister: Really?! You too Mom?!

Mom: No, I'm 49 sweetie.

My Little Sister: Nevermind! I'm watching, "Black Mirror," in my room by myself.

Dad: Sweetie, African American, don't just call them Black. That's not nice.

My Little Sister: ............. I hate you all.

  • I know this isn't necessarily a,"Dad Joke." It's more of a conversation my Dad and Little Sister had. But it was seriously one of the funniest moments I've ever seen.

  • I really love my family. Lol

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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Why did the sponge wake up early?

To get the moist out of the day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bakevaren
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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Yesterday I was washing the car with my son.

He said, "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cryingstlfan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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Dad can I wash the car with you ?

I dunno son, I prefer you use a sponge

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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I was washing my car with my friend,

Until they said, β€˜can’t you just use a sponge?’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pipoca-queimada
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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A man was washing the car with his son.

The son asked, "why don't you use a sponge instead?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rey_lumen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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One day, a father was washing a car with his son...

The son asks, "why can't we just use a sponge?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funny-Promise956
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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A man is washing his car with his son. The son asks,

"Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notwutiwantd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
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Been out washing the car with my son.

He said Dad why don’t you use a sponge like the other dads?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMBiSH
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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I was washing the car with a friend

Until they said, β€œCan’t you just use a sponge?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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A dad was washing his car with his son.

After a while, the son turned to his dad and said "Hey Dad, why can't we just use a sponge ?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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A father was outside washing his car with his son

The son asks: "Dad, can't we just use a sponge?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ba71905
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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A dad was washing his car with his son when the son said

β€œDad, can you please use the sponge?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PolkaDottedFork
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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A dad is washing his car with his son.

The son says: "Dad, can't you use a sponge"?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ben_Zedd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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A dad was washing his car with his son.

The son asked why they couldn't just use a sponge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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I was washing my car with my daughter the other day

and she asked β€œDad, why don’t you just use a sponge?”

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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A man is washing his car with his son. The son says...

Why can’t you just use a sponge?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclemerle1775
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
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I was washing my car with my son

He said β€œcan’t you just use the sponge?”

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jtrad_24
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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How deep would the ocean be...

If it didn't have sponges

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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