He was very self absorbed
Because they soak up everything.
"
They use a squeegee board.
A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
Because it was so self-absorbed!
He said Dad why don’t you use a sponge like the other dads?
Dirty bastards
Aloofah
I’m self absorbed
I was in the kitchen with John Lennon about to do the dishes and I turned to him and said:
"Right John, I've got my washing up basin, sponges, hot water, the dishes themselves of course...is that it am I ready to go? Do I need anything else?"
And John turned to me and said-
>!"All you need is glove!<
>!All you need is glove,!<
>!All you need is glove,glove!<
>!Glove is all you need"!<
He's back to square one.
He was a loofah.
If it didn't have sponges
Dad: No...
Me: puts plate in sink
Dad: ...but the dishes inside are.
Me: moves plate to dishwasher
(Edit: formatting)
-I don't know son, why can't you just use a sponge?
So my name is Bob and my dad just came in handed me a sponge and said spongebob
It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.
Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.
When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.
The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.
The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.
Scissors always cut to the point.
Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.
When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.
Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”
i c e i c e w a t e r
Architecture is an aspiring career path.
‘Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.
I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.
Plants should always rooted in the ground.
Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.
Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.
Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.
Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.
My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.
I am not a fan of wind turbines.
Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.
Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.
Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.
Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.
A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.
I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.
Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.
Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.
My car was dirty so I decided at the weekend I would wash the car with my youngest son.
After only 5 minutes the cheeky bastard asked if we could use a sponge instead.
My Little Sister: No! What happened?!
Dad: Dont worry, he woke up.
My Little Sister: ROLLS EYES
Me: Hahahahahaha! Nice.
My Little Sister: Omg! Is this funny?
Dad: No, THIS IS PATRICK! (We all really love SpongeBob SquarePants)
I GET UP TO GIVE MY DAD A HIGH FIVE AND HIS PHONE RINGS AS SOON AS I GET UP. IT'S MY MOM CALLING HIM FROM THE KITCHEN
Mom: Hi, I was wondering if I had the right number. Is this funny?
Dad: No! THIS IS PATRICK!
My Little Sister: Really?! You too Mom?!
Mom: No, I'm 49 sweetie.
My Little Sister: Nevermind! I'm watching, "Black Mirror," in my room by myself.
Dad: Sweetie, African American, don't just call them Black. That's not nice.
My Little Sister: ............. I hate you all.
-
I know this isn't necessarily a,"Dad Joke." It's more of a conversation my Dad and Little Sister had. But it was seriously one of the funniest moments I've ever seen.
-
I really love my family. Lol
I was washing a car with my friend, when he said, “can’t you just use a sponge?”
Throughout his whole life he was just fascinated with trains. Specifically passenger cars. He would enjoy going on trips with his family.
Demitri grew up and decided to make it his career. Unfortunately the difficult life he had from bullies pushed him towards the bottle and turned him to an alcoholic.
One late night in his shift he wrecked the train killing 10 people. When the courts found out he was drunk while operating they charged him with murder and sentenced him to the electric chair. For his last meal he only requested a simple ripe banana. When his time came the executioner strapped him to chair and asked for any last words. He simply said, "No." The pulled the lever and to everyone's amazement he was unharmed. The government saw this as an act of God and released him.
Couple of years later Dimitri got another job operating locomotives again. Unfortunately bad habits are not easy to quit and he was still an alcoholic. These trains were his only happiness. Unfortunately it happened again. He was drunk and crashed the train this time killing 8 people. He was again sentenced to death by the electric chair. He once again requested a banana. This time executioner really soaked the sponge to not risk a repeat. When the lever was pulled Dimitri was again left unharmed. Once again it was concluded to be another act of God and he was given his freedom.
Dimitri turned to the bottle even more especially having 18 lives gone because of him. He somehow managed to get another job doing what he loved most. It happened again though. This time, 23 people. The courts angry sentenced him one more time to death by electric chair.
When the time for his final meal came he requested another banana. The guards being very visibly upset over the situation denied his request and he was left no last meal. As the time approached and he was strapped to the chair. The executioner had a large grin ready to take this murderous man off Earth. When he pulled the lever however he was still left unharmed.
Furious the executioner cried, "How are you still alive?! You did not eat the banana!"
Dimitri shook his head and simply said, "Oh no officer the banana is not why I'm still alive. It's because I'm a terrible conductor."
"One jar of milk, and a sponge please."
"I have to buy sponges over at the dollar store."
"That's a cost we can absorb."
Guess I should have her pick up a pregnancy test, too.
.... a bunch of nematodes.
This one was said by my father when we were visiting an aquarium with my wife and kids. We just finished looking at a tank with a few dozen clown fish. Unfortunately, I had no idea what a nematode was. My 8 year old son then proceeded to educate me what he learned from sponge bob.
Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if it didn't have all those sponges in it.
You didn't know? All ovens are self cleaning!
throws me a sponge
Clean it yourSELF.
"
"
The son asks...... "Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?"
The son asks: "Dad, can't we just use a sponge?"
His son said: dad, can’t you just use a sponge?
He said: "dad, can't you just use a sponge?"
He said: "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"
After a while, the son turned to his dad and said "Hey Dad, why can't we just use a sponge ?"
Until they said, “Can’t you just use a sponge?”
He said "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"
“Dad, can you please use the sponge?”
Nothing. They were too aloofa.
"Dad , can't you just use a sponge?"
The son says: "Dad, can't you use a sponge"?
He said “can’t you just use the sponge?”
The son asked why they couldn't just use a sponge.
The son asks, "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"
and she asked “Dad, why don’t you just use a sponge?”
Son: Dad, can't you just use a sponge ?
"Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"
When his son says... Dad, can you just use a sponge!
Why can’t you just use a sponge?
The son says “can’t you just use a sponge?!”
The son asked why they couldn't just use a sponge.
He asked me why I couldn’t just use a sponge.
The son asks, "Can't you just use a sponge?".
I told her a sponge would be better.
His son says "dad, why can't you just use a sponge?"
“Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
And then they asked me to just use a sponge
Son: Why can't you just use a sponge, dad?
“Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
The son said, "dad, can't we use a sponge?"
