Why did the spider just mind it's own business making a web?

To make sure I wasn't being bugged

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uckioh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Ever wonder how spider makes a circle-shaped web perfectly?

Because it's sΟ€der we're talking about.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/obiwankedkenobi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
How do spiders make their web?

They arachknit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stressmove
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Spider Web:

Instantly turns you into a ninja when you walk into it

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
On a photo shop battle about a deer with a spider web between its antlers
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NearlyHame
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
There was a spider in my web development class today.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sloppyblowjobs69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Spiders are the only web developers who like to find bugs
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTexican11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I just texted my dad because I found a spider web in my computer

He said "Good, then your software will be bug free."

Bonus pic of said web. I'm open to advice on how to deal with it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oOWildWeaselOo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2017
🚨︎ report
The thing to learn from spider cannibalism is that when you spin webs, in the end

You weave what you sew

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call corn stuck in a spider-web?

Corn on the cob

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
🚨︎ report
How does Peter Parker view porn? On his spider web.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RyanRebalkin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Why don't multiple spiders ever share the same web?

They dislike net neutrality

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tacodude64
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Web developers must have a knack for spiders.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HighwayCrawler
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2017
🚨︎ report
If Spider-man didn't have all that Web stuff going on...

... he would just be Peter Parkour.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timotab
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2016
🚨︎ report
Two spiders got married and bought their first home.

I was so happy for the newlywebs.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tymme
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Entangled business deal

If a spider catches more moths than they need, can they sell them on the web?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frudedude
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.

We went out and had beers. Cool guy, very driven, wants to be a web designer.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mer-edith
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
For his birthday, a boy wants a pet spider.

His dad takes him to an exotic pet store, where they see a big, hairy spider. The father asks how much it costs. β€œThat’s fifty dollars,” the clerk replies.

β€œFifty bucks!” the dad exclaims. β€œForget that, I’ll just find a cheap one off the web.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daviscojokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Cool Guy
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ratzypiet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
How many spiders does it take to create an app?

None. Spiders don’t make apps; they only design web sites!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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Social Distancing.

Day 5 of social distancing:

I struck up a conversation with a spider today! He was nice, his name is Dave, and he’s a web designer!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ging_e_R
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Tonight is a sad night... our robotic vacuum cleaner, Wall-E, killed our bathroom spider, Al Gore.

Why was our bathroom spider named Al Gore? Simple. He created the web.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DamnRedhead
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 673
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πŸ‘€︎ u/70FP
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
🚨︎ report
This should brighten or make your day worst

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. Turns out he’s a web designer

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Granilloo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know?

Spiders are the only web developers that enjoy finding bugs!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
You need an IQ of 200 to get this computer pun.

A band named 1023 MB was very sad, they couldn't get a gig.

This is unoriginal, but it has been reposted so many times i can't even pund it anywhere in the web, I even asked my pet spider where it was orginally found.

Pun 1: >!A gigabyte is actually 1024 MB not 1000 MB!<

Pun 2: >!Spiders makes webs idiot.!<

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoatNoodles1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Jeff has had only one dream ever in his life, to become a train conductor.

Jeff went to his local train station and begged for the job. He got a job, as a janitor. Every day he swept the train car floors. To make his job easier, he added certain style to his sweeping technique. He used a 3 level system for how powerful he wanted to sweep. He had a small sweep for small piles of dust. Medium sweeps for leftover chip bags and plactic bottles. And the Super Mega Large sweeps for when there were spider webs as big as the train.

Jeff was a master sweeper, so he got Promoted!.. To hobo kicking. Nowadays he comes to the train station early in the morning, finds the nearest hobo, and kicks him out. However, Jeff's legs hurt after several strong kicks, so he used his 3 level system in hobo kicking. He had a small kick for tiny, bite sized hobos. Medium kicks for your average sized hobo. And his Super Mega Powerful kick for 300 pound hobos.

Jeff was sooooo good at kicking hobos and he was Promoted!.. to coal shoveling. Jeff arrives 20 minutes before his train departure, loads up with the conductor, and shovels coal. likewise with his legs, Jeff's arms got tired after several large piles of shoveled coal, so he used his 3 level system to rest Jeff's weak arms. Jeff dumps small piles of coal in the incinerator to send the train at a slow pace. He dumps a Medium pile for a somewhat fast pace. But when the train station's 30 miles away and he's scheduled to arrive in 7 minutes, Jeff uses his Big Gargantuan Humongous shoveling strength to send the train at super sonic speed!

After all of Jeff's many years of working for this train station, they finally promote him to Train Conductor! Jeff shows up to work 30 minutes early on his first day, conducts the train for his first time ever, and crashes the train. He injures 30 and kills 13 more. Jeff is sentenced to Death.

The day of Jeff's execution, he's asked for his last meal. Jeff tells the guard that he wants a 13 foot stack of pancakes and a 40 ounce jug of green Kool-Aid. Jeff takes exactly 34 minutes to eat with it all. 26 Mintues later, Jeff is taken to the electric chair.

Jeff sits down in the electric chair, and is strapped in by a nearby guard. After all the safety precautions, they turn on the electric chair.

BZZZZZZ

Nothin happened. The guard is confused and Jeff is confused. The guard trys it again.

BZZZZZZ

Nothing. Jeff doesn't even move a muscle. The guard decides to let Jeff go since he can't kill him. Before Jeff leaves, the guard has one question.

Guard : "Excuse me um, J

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saspa314
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Spider joke found on Imgur.

My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.


Sorry if this is a repeat, I'd never seen it on here.

Here's the image I came across.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pinklavalamp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Spider at a campfire

While sitting around the campfire on a cool early morning in the Appalachians, I notice a spider web on the campfire ring and point out how much ash it's covered in. My father then proceeds to say, "well it makes sense you know...cause the web comes from his ash." He never disappoints

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chester_McFee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2016
🚨︎ report
My dad and the spider

My dad was sat in his chair, on his laptop, when all of a sudden he summoned me to his side. As I sit by him, he points at the screen. A spider has found its way onto the monitor.

"Do you know what its doing?" He asked.

"No" I replied.

"It's on the web."

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dantwon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
🚨︎ report
[Request] I need some help thinking of a punny title for a table-top game!

Hey there /r/Puns! I'm working on a pop-culture table-top card game similar to Story Wars for me and my friends, and am trying to think of a punny name for the title! The current name is Crossover Mania, but we can all agree that that's terrible, so please help me out!

The game will be mostly battles/challenges between 2 characters, and the game will include characters, items, locations from comics, movies, anime, cartoons, games, etc.

I'm also going to be using some puns for certain cards' flavor texts, such as for Spider-Man: Fun Fact: He has a bit of a web addiction.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nitro-Nito
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Which superhero would be the best fit to do your website?

Spider-Man, he's a great web developer.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2016
🚨︎ report
Never thought my dad would do it

My parents are both immigrants from Taiwan and came in the mid 80's. We've always owned restaurants (currently have a Japanese steak house this is important for later) so their English isn't all that bad and has improved over time. I've never gotten a single dad joke from him. Ever.

Que yesterday we are driving home from a family dinner to celebrate his birthday. We all get into the vehicle and my mom says in Chinese "You've got something hanging onto your shirt, it looks stringy. Is that a spider web?"

I respond, "What? That's his pet, he can't raise a pet spider?"

Dad says, "Yeah I raise them really big and fat so we can make spider rolls at the restaurant." (Spider roll is typically softshell crab in a roll with other stuffs for the non-sushi fans out there)

I groaned, chuckled, then reveled in all that was my first dad joke. It was awesome. Thanks for reading guys! Sorry it's so long.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DROpher
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Went to taco bell with the family

they had the spider web halloween decorations up and my dad said: you should really clean up in here, there's spider webs everywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/requiem_revisited
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
🚨︎ report
So spider..

Person: So Spider what's your new year's resolution?

Spider: To spend more time with my family instead of on the web.

(If you don't get it, it is that spiders have a spider web).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneralA01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought it was a good dad joke.

My wife asked me to remove a spider this morning. I look up and reply "He's made his web, now he can sleep in it" - I got 'the look'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stonewallgamer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

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πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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The Spider

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had some drinks. Really cool guy. He is learning to become a web developer.

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZsazsY
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
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