Speed Limits Puns

I'm putting my foot down.

Oh, and by the way, those flashing lights on top of your car look really stupid.

Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."

Turns out he was a shit driver..

I told her that I was more like a circle, squares are too edgy for me.

I said, "Thanks. You're a real trooper."

Stop, Speed Limit 30, No turn on red, Yield.

Because speed is limited by band width

It was speeding down the interstate going 20 over the speed limit with a bunch of monkeys hanging off the side when suddenly it lost control and crashed, spilling the contents of it's trailer across all four lanes blocking traffic for hours.

It was bananas.

By which I mean safely and within the speed limit as not to draw the attention of the police.

My son in the back seat says; "Dad Waze shows the speed limit is 65mph but we are we are going faster than that. Are you breaking the law by speeding? I had to slow down to let my wife take this picture because I replied "It's all going to be ok, Nationwide is by our side!"

Last night I was driving home and had a police officer following me. I tried my hardest to go the speed limit. As I was driving, I saw a wild turkey running towards the road. I slammed my breaks but still hit the turkey. The bird flipped over my car and hit the police officer behind me. The cop then turned on his siren and pulled me over. He gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird.

Me: "But Dad, you rarely go above the speed limit" Dad: "And I've been Wreck-less for years Me: ...

We'll be walking around town and we'll see somebody running or jogging, and he'll yell, "slow down! There's a speed limit on this road!"

A car will pass us going well over the speed limit my father cannot help himself.

"Hey kids there goes our speeding ticket!"

*groans