A grandad joke
Because they come with their own scales
She said “yeah because it NOSE it’s there”
Croaky bacon.
He'd loan you his copy of Toy Story, and maybe Finding Nemo. But he's never gonna give you Up
Because they are in the Netherlands
That she wanted him to take her somewhere expensive.
So he took her to the local gas station.
It's true
Like all beings, the cow was brought into being by the universe.
The cow was very curious about its existence and asked a lot of questions of the universe.
"what am I?" it asked.
"a cow" the universe relied.
"why am I here?" it asked
"to be a cow" the universe relied, and nudged a pile of hay nearby, trying to distract her from digging deeper into that question.
The universe has a lot on its plate, existentially speaking, and in the past its gotten a bit fed up with some of its creatures.
But after what happened to Adam and Eve, the universe learned to be more patient with inquisitive beings.
The success of cats is largely because they take responsibility for their own curiosity.
But the cow was a bit needier, seeking answers rather than exploration.
The universe hoped the smell from the hay would entice it to act rather than ask.
"What's that?" the cow asked.
"Hay" the universe sighed..."for eating," it added, hoping to keep the cow quiet for a while so the universe could focus on other things.
It worked for a while but as soon as the cow's 4 stomachs were full it started asking questions again.
And that's when the universe created a bull.
"And what is that?" she asked
"That's a bull" the universe replied and wiggled its existential eyebrows suggestively.
The cow headed over to the bull and chatted him up, leaving the universe in peace for a while.
The cow was content in until she started started noticing some changes in her body.
"what's this?" she asked, pointing to her swelling body.
"You're pregnant" it replied.
She got really curious about what that meant and became very hyper asking question after question about pregnancy and birth.
She remained excited throughout the gestation, asking questions to prepare for her for the birth.
But when the day came she relaxed, and stayed focused on the task at hand. And after she gave birth, she was exhausted!
Nevertheless, she pulled herself together, looked at the baby that she brought in to the world and, predictably, asked the universe:
"What's that?"
"A calf" the universe sighed, trying to accept the relentless inquisitiveness of the cow.
"Ohhhh!" she sighed, "that explains it!"
The universe blinked. It couldn't help itself.
"Explains what?" it asked.
"Why I'm so tired!"
The universe paused.
"it's because," the cow said, "I'm decalfinated".
And the universe took the power of speech away from the cow for eternity.
... ...
Edited
... keep reading on reddit ➡A mooshroom
...just likes to see the world burn
FunGus
He doesn't know the area and gets himself lost. All he does know is that there are a lot of grizzly bears roaming around during the salmon spawn this time of year, so he's quite afraid to get out of his kayak.
The temperature starts to drop. He needs to stay warm, and decides to build a fire inside his little boat on the river.
He learnt a valuable lesson that night: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
I was saying how pokemon spawn in certain locations, like some types can be found by water while others are in cemeteries.
He said, "if you go to a Catholic cemetery can you find a pope-emon?" Even though his kids are grown, he's still got it.
Not in the case of Buddhists. They hear 'Spawning in 3..2..1..'
I was playing Warframe with a few buddies on Teamspeak. One of them is annoyed with the roll he got from his void relic and that all he'd get was a Forma Blueprint.
To which I replied "Well, it spawned forma reason."
Cue groans from chat.
No, I'm half left.
My fiance told me last night, while discussing terrible but great jokes, that her dad would let that one rip all too frequently when she was younger. Much eye rolling. I think it's hilarious and will pass on the tradition when we spawn smaller humans.
It was a spawn-taneous decision
