So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?
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︎ May 18 2021
My Bluetooth speaker wasnβt working so I threw it into the lake.
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︎ May 11 2021
In surgery my doctor said, "So what do we have here?" I replied that I broke my arm in 12 places."
He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"
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︎ May 08 2021
Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!
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︎ May 05 2021
I'm so proud. My 12-year old told this joke during dinner: What degree does Dr. Pepper have?
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︎ Apr 30 2021
The trailer looks so good
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︎ May 21 2021
I hate the word "xenophobia", it sounds so...
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︎ Apr 21 2021
Why are fish so easy to weigh
Because they come with there own scales
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︎ May 12 2021
Why are Tesla so expensive?
It's because they charge a lot
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︎ May 26 2021
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..
..they make me feel even number.
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︎ Apr 14 2021
SOS! SOS!
A pilot ejected himself from a plane. He was suspended for a week.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
I meant to cross post it but I donβt know why I cannot cross post so here is the screenshot version
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︎ Apr 23 2021
Dad, do you know why itβs so dark at night?
No sun
EDIT: oh my god 1k upvotes! THIS like, tripled my post karma. You guys are incredible. Much love!
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︎ May 14 2021
I donβt understand why my son was so upset I gave him broken down cardboard for his birthday.
Heβs the one who kept asking for an ex-box.
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︎ May 27 2021
So I bought some shoes from a drug dealer...
I donβt know what he laced them with, but Iβve been tripping all day!
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︎ May 29 2021
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
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︎ Mar 19 2021
My granddaugter today (she's 8) How did the man breath underwater for so long without help?
He put a glass of water on his head!
It's the first time I have been able to see and hug her in over a year, and she made me so proud!
*Edit: So many typos in my title.
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︎ May 18 2021
My teacher likes to start every day by reading a joke from Reddit. She was sick the other day, so
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︎ Mar 12 2021
They were so young...
π︎ 6k
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︎ Mar 23 2021
Graveyards are so noisy...
I guess it's because of all the 'coffin'
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︎ May 20 2021
"So you're saying these carbon monoxide sensors are good?"
"Well, no one has come back with a complaint yet."
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︎ May 21 2021
My wife asked me to stop making so many Nazi jokes
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︎ May 31 2021
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
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︎ Mar 06 2021
Why are giraffes so slow to apologise?
It takes them ages to swallow their pride.
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︎ May 31 2021
So I'm walking down stairs with my 2 year old son this morning when my wife calls from the kitchen...
"Hey, you boys Wahstarving?"
"umm... what?"
"Cause I've got WAHFULLS!"
(She was so proud, a decent dad joke from the mama panda)
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︎ May 28 2021
Why do poultry birds always smell so bad?
Because of their fowl odour.
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︎ May 21 2021
French fries werenβt cooked in France, so where were they cooked?
They were cooked in Greece.
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︎ Jun 01 2021
I went to the beekeeper to get a dozen bees. When he gave me the bag, I counted 13, so I said βoops, you gave me an extra-β
He said βNah, thatβs a freebieβ
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︎ May 05 2021
Why is ballooning so expensive?
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︎ May 12 2021
Why are ducks so crazy?
Because they're addicted to quack!
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︎ May 02 2021
βSo whatβs it like living in the mountains?β
Itβs got itβs ups and downs
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︎ Apr 15 2021
My next door neighbor and I are very good friends, so we decided to share our water supply, because..
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︎ May 25 2021
Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
My son just got me with this one. So joke on dad
Son: Knock Knock
Me: Who's there?
Son: Door
Me: Door who?
Son: Knock again
Me: Knock Knock
Son: Who's there?
...
I had no reply as I was not telling the joke, really confused and laughed how it got turned around.
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︎ May 28 2021
My friend broke his leg, so I wrote, "You're stupid " on his cast.
I was adding insult to injury
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︎ May 10 2021
I figured out why Teslas are so expensive .
It's because they charge a lot.
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︎ May 24 2021
Weddings are so emotional-
even the cake is in tiers.
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︎ May 28 2021
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools
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︎ May 26 2021
So the doctor came in to ask me about my broken arm. He said, "will painkillers help?"
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︎ May 18 2021
This has so much potential but I just canβt think of anything!
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︎ May 29 2021
My kid said the house is so cold.
I told him to go stand in the corner to warm up. It's 90 degrees.
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︎ May 27 2021
I once debated a flat earther. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
Heβll come around eventually.
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︎ Feb 11 2021
I am so good at sleeping
I can do it with my eyes closed.
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︎ May 01 2021
Seven Year Old Hit Me With His Best So Far
Driving home after a long week and had been driving for five hours or so on two lane roads through NM and AZ. Hour south of Petrified Forest and see four sheep on the side of the road.
Me: Son see those sheep? There must be a break in the fence and they are wandering away from their ranch.
Son: Well, that sounds baaaad.
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︎ Jun 01 2021
If you want to weigh a whale you take it to a whale weigh station. So where do you go if you want to weigh a pie?
Somewheeere over the rainbow...
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︎ Mar 30 2021
Daughter: Dad, can you pause the movie so I can grab a snack.
Dad: (grabs the cats paws and pushes them) Sorry, I'm pushing pause but it's not working!
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︎ May 06 2021
So I was researching about Atheism...
Turns out itβs a non-prophet organisation.
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︎ May 26 2021
Why are balloons so expensive?
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︎ May 23 2021
Why are fish so easy to weigh?
Because they come with their own scales.
π︎ 132
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︎ May 15 2021
My mate broke his leg, so I wrote "You are stupid" on his cast.
I was just adding insult to injury.
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︎ May 09 2021
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