They planet.
They got done for sax evasion
[C'mon!! Just thought of this one and I fucking love iiiiit.]
Kinda choppy if you ask me.
Me (dad): "You know, because butter flies."
Eli: "Glad you got me, Dad."
(So proud my kid is going for the set up. He makes a good wing man.)
The one next to Target.
Suddenly he was more than willing to help me. Water works.
The saxophonist left. Soon after, he returned, carrying a man wearing a pair of high end headphones.
”What in the WORLD are you doing with that poor man?” His teacher cried.
The saxophonist looked taken aback. ”You said I needed to make my music sound smoother.”
”So…?”
”I figured we would need an audiophile for that.”
As I smoothed them out for folding, my wife looked over at me, so I said "laundered money"
True story
… a smooth criminal 🎶
Because no one expects the Spanish ink precision!
So he could be a smooth criminal
A smooth operator
The defense decided to go for manslaughter citing that the perpetrator was only trying to rough the man up a bit
It was a JIVE turkey!
So me, my mom, my dad, and my sister Annie we're in church and they had just put new book covers on all the bibles. Just those like plasticky slick cellophane ones, nothing fancy. But at one point we were standing there singing one of the hymns and the guy behind us just getting into it, he's a great singer and all but he swung his hand and I guess his palms were sweating because one of those thick old books with the lyrics flew out of his hand and railed my sister in the side of the head. And I leaned over and said "are you okay Annie? You've been struck by a smooth hymnal"
In other words, a pedi-file.
I managed to smooth things over for now, but there's a lot left to be unpacked.
A silicon :)
I got a way with words.
It a sure way to get my mellow tones in.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
A smooth criminal.
Note: I told this yesterday during brunch with my wife and kids; our kids laughed and my wife rolled her eyes. Mission accomplished 😂
It’s a running joke.
True story.
My son was excitedly telling us about his minecraft airfield that he was building, and he explained that, among many other details that my brain ignored, he made the runway out of wool. Other son asked why. I was very excited to tell him that it was because asphalt was expensive, and wool was sheep.
All the files were deleted.
Smoothly
Literally they can’t even
It has a lot of mellow tonin’.
Confused shrug in response
"Because Ubisoft"
Sails are through the roof.
Waiter; Sir, you are drinking 7up.
WMD-40
