Everyone is worried about mobile phones and smart speakers spying on them. But what they should be really worried about is their vacuum cleaners.

They’ve been picking up your dirt for years.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darvian23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2023
🚨︎ report
I asked my smart phone what to do when I feel sleepy in the middle of the day.

It turns out there’s a nap for that!

πŸ‘︎ 768
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danjl68
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2023
🚨︎ report
Dad got his first smart phone. I asked him if he knew to put it in rice if it got wet...

Him: Yeah and if that doesn't work, you put butter on it

Me: Butter?? Really? I hadn't heard that one. Why butter?

Him: Because if the rice doesn't work the phone is toast

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/taurus_tourist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad posted this picture on Facebook. He just got a Facebook and a new smart phone. He learns quickly.

http://imgur.com/9M4dGnO

My dad is notoriously bad with electronics. I have no idea how he did this but nonetheless, it made me sigh.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/broccolibush42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
🚨︎ report
Why did Trunks destroyed his smart phone?

It was an android!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SophieByers
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2023
🚨︎ report
A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
🚨︎ report
An older man never had a smart phone, until recently....

He was chatting casually with my brother-in-law (they are neighbors) to say he was done with smart phones.

The older man was irate as AT&T was charging him extra fees because he was old!

My brother-in-law was astounded. He asked the older man what on earth he means by that. I mean, how could a company, this day in age, be so open about charging people extra fees in an ageist way...?

The older man shuffles into the next room and, after a few minutes of rifling around his stacks of papers, he brings back an invoice to my brother-in-law.

Waving it in his face, the older man says, "Look! Right here! It says right here 'Over Age' fee!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ITS_GOOD_FOR_YOU
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2022
🚨︎ report
My open, four passenger vehicle wouldn't stop talking to me using artificial intelligence!

Then I realized I had gotten a Turing car.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rogueasset
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2023
🚨︎ report
Smartphone? I doubt it...

>!...if it was smart, it would be a car or doctor. It would not be a phone.!<

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoastRiter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2022
🚨︎ report
A good friend of mine, who is a father, sent me an original joke of his creation today, an I wanted to share it because it was pretty good

He's someone who has been very creative in his ways when he delivers his jokes to his victims, I'm a bit ashamed I didn't see this one coming

He called me on the phone, saying he needed help with doing something, sounding fairly serious on phone. He said "soljakwinever I need your help with something on amazon. I keep searching for lighters and it's not working right. Can you open it on your phone for me" Recently he's been asking me for help with some computer stuff, I built it for him lately and it's got nothing problems, blue screens over stuff, he's very smart but I wouldn't say he's anywhere near 'tech-literate'. But his is getting issues like I've never seen. So I assumed he needed help with something like that. I answered "Sure Bryan. Let my just open the app." Pulling Amazon up on my phone. "So what did you need help with? Something about lighters" I ask. He replies still sounding serious "I keep searching for lighters and the app keeps showing me matches. Can you try it and see if that happens to me too." I type 'Lighter' into the search bar, submit the search and looking at my results, seeing product listings for lighters. "Looks normal to me. I'm seeing nothing but lighters" He responds starting to crack "Yeah! Nothing but matches!"

I got played.

EDIT: Wording fix

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/soljakwinever
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Checking the weather

My wife and I had just left our apartment the other day and were walking down the street towards the ferry stop. It was getting quite cloudy and windy, and wife says:

"Did you check the weather before we left?"

I said "No, I'll check now."

And then I looked directly up at the sky and stood there like that for a second until she got the joke. I had my (smart)phone in my hand at the time, so I'm sure she thought I was about to look it up on that.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xbtdev
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Laid this one on my dad today

Me: Man my galaxy S3 is trash

Dad: Yeah when I decide to get a smart phone ima get one of those apples.

Me: Really? Apples run on electricity now?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrMuffinn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
🚨︎ report
I use my smart phone for when I feel sleepy in the middle of the day.

It turns out there’s a nap for that!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/houndoom92
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2023
🚨︎ report
I told my wife not to worry about her smart phone and tv spying on us….

Because the vacuum has been gathering our dirt for years!

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wacey166
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2022
🚨︎ report
What happens if I bring my Smart Phone with me to the capital of Italy

I will get Rome-ing charges.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gameboy90
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2021
🚨︎ report
How can you tell if your smart phone is good at playing music?

If it has a lot of gigs

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TRAKRACER
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My first legit dadjoke

Our daughter is four months old.

The other day while my wife and I are laying in bed and she's trying to sleep while I am still redditing:

Her: can you dim your phone? It's bright Me: well, it is a smart phone, after all

I giggled, she sighed. I'm so proud

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onetoomanyclicks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Google

A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and plays on his smart phone. "Wow, I just Googled 'cigarette lighter' and got 150,000 matches," he tells the bartender. "Well," the bartender replies. "Now you don't need the lighter."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2022
🚨︎ report
I think I'm getting older...

As I was asked, "Should take a look! Got a smart phone?"

"Nope... just a dumb phone..."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Divinityfound
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.