I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party and she was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate...

They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...

I knew there and then that she was the One!!

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins

It’s the weight and c approach I guess

πŸ‘︎ 232
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seatheous
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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My doctor said that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go....

Because they dilate...

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnooRobots3440
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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A girl came into my bookstore and asked "What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"

Slim to Nun?

(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)

πŸ‘︎ 29k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/megad1rt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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Slim Jim carrey
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evansonly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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BREAKING NEWS: Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus..

In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy.. He presented with vomit on his sweater already.. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti

πŸ‘︎ 22k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlySupaFly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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Asked my 2 and a half year old what he wanted his name to be.

He pointed to the coffee table where we have a bag of candy and said "M&M!!!"

Guess I have to call him Slim Shady from now on...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatguy3495
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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The only time I got anything for Valentine's Day was in 3rd grade where my teacher gave me a Slim Jim.

I spent Valentine's Day eating my meat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pikiinuu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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Not your son
πŸ‘︎ 413
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theManlyMan8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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What are the chances of meeting Eminem?

Very Slim

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_OrangeJu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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The real slim shady

Me and my son were going to a store and he pointed something out. A person in a cloak. He said that they looked shady. I asked if they were fat he said no so then I replied so they’re the real slim shady

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-dad-guy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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What are the chances of seeing a skinny man next to a catholic woman?

Slim to nun

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afc1224
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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What’s the majority of cows religious beliefs?

Moo-slims

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChubChuz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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My wife asked me to get the milk from the fridge. I asked if she wanted slim or whole. She said whole. I asked if she needed the butter, as well. She said no.

She wanted the milk, the whole milk, and nothing but the milk.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/P4rtyP3nguin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
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How do you call a skinny drug dealer?...

Slim shady

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsyourboi103
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I won the slim waist trophy

Glad I got that one under my belt.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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What sound does a 747 airplane make when it bounces?

Boeing, Boeing, Boeing

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwesomeW2017
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
My daughter inadvertantly came up with this one today:

I was putting spray-on sunscreen onto my (not slim) belly and my daughter, seeing the can and not remembering the correct word said, "hey, it's just like grafatty!). I couldn't stop laughing for a solid 5 minutes. I will never be able to put sunscreen on without thinking of that again.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rethinkthegrid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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I challenged my entire family to see who could fast the longest.

You could say my competition is getting slim.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theonlyMOONMAN
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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How do hip-hop artists stay safe when traveling from country to country?

Bubble rap.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oranm91
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
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Please stand up!
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
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I don't trust those trees, son. Why not dad?

Because they're shady

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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What do you call a rapper with Parkinson's?

2Pac Shaker

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_F_S_M_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2013
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"Dad, did you lose weight?"

"Yes. Help me find it!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/python935
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
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What do you call a Muslim cow?

Moo-slim.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zaneroth369
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2013
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Do you know why the Ramadan exists?

After the fasting you become even more muSlim

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeholderBR
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
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What are they calling that new diet pill developed by a team of Greek and Iranian scientists?

Β΅-slim

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2016
🚨︎ report
Customer dadjoked his children at the convenience store today.

The kids were probably around 8-12 years old. They all go the sweet aisle and start looking at the chocolate etc. The father picks up a bag of M&Ms and says to his kids:

"Hey, want some Slim Shadys?"
They give him a funny look. He looks again and notices that they're 2 for Β£1.
"50 Cent for some Eminems? That's Ludacris!"
Cue another look from the kids.
"I'll pay for them though, it's no Biggie."

I'll admit, I chuckled.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frippety
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
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(X-Post from /r/Jokes) Two dad jokes for the price of one!

What do you call a fitness instructor who moonlights as an action hero?

Jason Stay-thin

What do you call a music artist who works out and is a bit of a creep?

Slim Shady

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RagingDraugr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2017
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Sweat.

So my family and I were clothes shopping and when we got in the car afterwards, my mom said that something smelled like sweat. My dad turns and says, "well, ChikaChikaSlimShady just bought a sweatshirt!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2013
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My wife went to weightwatchers early yesterday

My wife went to weightwatchers early yesterday because from her experience the first meeting of the new year is always crowded with people resolved to lose weight in the new year. She was surprised to find that not many people were there. I said "so it was a slim crowd at weightwatchers?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ibrentlam
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
🚨︎ report
I ask my dad, "What are the chances of me borrowing the car today?"

He Responds, "Two Chances," I look expectantly. 'Slim and None."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nfestid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad wishing my cousin Happy Birthday via Facebook

Happy Birthday from Columbus. Cathy (my mom) made you cookies. I ate them for you. Think of it as a slimming birthday present from your waist line to my belly! Your welcome! Happy 21st.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seewhatyadidthere
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2013
🚨︎ report
Was out with my dad one day back when Eminem was just getting popular

It was the middle of the day during Texas summer and my dad pointed at a stick of a tree and asked, "So, is that a Slim Shady?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/damiensol
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a skinny man with sunglasses?

Slim Shady

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DinoCoat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
🚨︎ report

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