It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Some would say I'm living the dream.
Queen
They wouldn't publish it though, the publisher said that the intended audience was a dead market.
Not screaming like the people in the back of his car.
...or you'll be under a rest.
Damn near poked my eye out.
... Not on fire and screaming like everyone else on the bus he was driving.
He calls it boot camp.
Pipe dreams.
a hibernation
Damn that Bluetooth Fairy
friend of mine told me this today. I wanted to share
Ending a sentence with a proposition.
Whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away....
Because if it would lift the other leg it would fall.
Literally she can't even.
He refuses to stop Putin
You will have to face the reaper-cushions
I think she’s having contradictions.
Mountain Dew
Not yelling and screaming like all the other people in the car he was driving at the time.
Probably gay.
It would be total bedlam!!
Because he saw a sign there saying: For-rest
Because they don't want to be kidnap...
Okay sorry.
They were called "Knight Lights"
No one at work ever mentioned it.
Nightmares
I'm just a wimb-a-way from singing it.
Oh well, c'ellar vie.
...could be called Napchat.
That's what I get for sleeping funny on it.
He's a car-pet.
In monk beds
I was a rest ed.
Hibearnation
He forgot to Book-A-Rest
Muscle mammary.
Well, obviously they're napkin.
It kept him up at night.
…but as he grows older and bigger, Daddy Balloon insists he sleeps in his own bed.
Baby Balloon doesn't like being all alone, he misses his Mommy and Daddy so much, that after a few nights, he tries to sneak back into Mommy Balloon and Daddy Balloon's bed, only to find that he had grown too big to fit in the bed with them!
He decides to let some air out of Mommy Balloon, but there's still not enough room, so he let's some air out of Daddy Balloon, but again there's not enough room, so he lets some air out of himself and finally he fits into the bed!
Well, the following morning Daddy Balloon is furious!
"I am very disappointed with you!" says Daddy Balloon. "Not only have you let your Mother down, but you have let me down and let yourself down!"
This evening I was sitting on the couch with my sister doing some paperwork and my dad sleeping next to me. I started playing a game on my phone which was making the movie hard to hear so my sister said "can you not?" And my dad replied from his slumber "no but I can tie" and returned to sleeping. I started laughing hysterically but my sister didn't get it.
I told my dog a joke while throwing a ball. He didn't get it.
It's pretty stable.
Wife wakes up.
Wife: That was the worst night's sleep I've ever had.
Me: And the worst part is, it's not over yet! Rolls over and goes back to sleep.
The wife began her roll out of bed with her eyes.
I was asking my parents' permission to go on vacation with my friends at our condo on the coast.
Mom says, "Sure that's fine! That means you get to sleep in the master bedroom for the first time!"
I respond, "Yeah, I probably won't though... I mean that's your bed so I don't think I'd really be... comfortable."
Dad says, "Well then you better not sleep on the kitchen table either!"
He was tossing and turning all night.
I guess you could say the pig was a real...bed hog.
I replied: "Do you know where I buy all my potassium?"
"no... where?"
"K-Mart"
I woke up in the middle of the night to my girlfriend's arm in my face. It was positioned in such a way that her elbow was right near my head. Being half asleep, I sat up, picked her arm up and said:
Me: "Baby, this is your elbow" (while moving her arm)
Her: "I hope it stays that way for a very long time..."
"Do kangaroos use kangaroo-th paste to brush their teeth?"
I had a dream that I ordered new underwear, but the package was lost in transit. So I emailed them.
The reply email from the company started "Let's be brief…"
Me: I guess you can say... she gets a kick out of it!
YEAHHHHHH!! (I didn't actually do this part, but it played in my head.)
Wife: groans go to sleep.
He usually mumbles something. But last night he said vividly: "That is the worst dad joke I've ever heard."
I think I need to stop telling dad jokes
Unlike the passengers in his car.
Not screaming like the people in the back seat of his car.
She almost poked my eye out.
Damn near poked my eye out last night!
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Not screaming like everyone else in the car.
Not screaming like the passengers in the car.
Not screaming in terror like the other 3 people in the car
Not screaming in terror, like his passengers
Not screaming in terror, like his passengers.
Not screaming and yelling like the other people in the car with him.
Not panicking, like his passengers.
No, I sleep in my bed.
