What did the Emperor say to the twelve slaves beneath him?

Lift with the knees!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumnem
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.

Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xXJustaGuy420Xx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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I like my coffee like I like my slaves

Free

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichardBachman19
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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Why did the cannibalistic Roman slave warrior show no remorse over his recent female victim?

Because he was gladiator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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What do you call a council of feudal slaves?

A serf board

What does the king do when he dislikes their recommendations?

He hangs ten

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LookITriedHard
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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7 years a slave

I'm visiting my parents and my dad tells me he watched 7 years a slave. My mom goes 'you mean 12 years a slave?'

My dads response?

'No, I haven't finished watching it yet.'

πŸ‘︎ 553
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Camp_Anaawanna
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2015
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Why did the slave go to college?

To pick up his Master's degree.

p. s. read this joke long time ago in one of the sub reddit, thought this belonged here too

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adster2171
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave

Would her name be β€˜Mozzarella’?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crispy_Scoundrel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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Morgan used to be a slave

but now he's a FREEMAN

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dethmstr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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12 years a slave

Dad- Any movies out that you wanna see? 7 Years A Slave looks pretty good

Me- I think it's 12 Years A Slave

Dad: I must've heard about the abridged version.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stinkyshrimp
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2013
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Came up with this about a year ago, still my greatest achievement. Did you hear about the sale at the Mexican slave market?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gen_Hazard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2014
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I bought a new-build house!

When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.

When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.

I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!

Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!

Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!

That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. β€œThis technology is going to change the world, I swear it!” I told her. β€œCan you answer the door? I’ve been on my feet all day”

β€œYeah,” she replied, less enthusiastic than I,β€œbut it’ll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.” She explained β€œWhen these machines develop such sentience, what’s stopping them from overthrowing us?” β€œTreating us as slaves, like we to them now?” She asked, distraught at theses ideas.

Knock knock

β€œIt’s best not to worry about these things,” I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.

β€œThere are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!” β€œThat future you’re frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.” I explained.

She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. β€œDon’t think on it now, have some faith!” I told her.

Knock knock

β€œNow let that sink in!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/olemonheado
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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What’s the perfect name to give to your first sim?

Simone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wxlson
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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What car does Boba Fett drive?

A mandelorean

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πŸ‘€︎ u/subhi2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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Now im hungry...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowsGirl9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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Why did the pickle go the 99 cent store?

He wanted to get a good dill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CA__Mac
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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My family was talking about my sisters project where she had to make a Roman theatre. In it she put some guys stabbing each other, as a demonstration of how plays sometimes consisted of people actually killing each other to make it more realistic.

I mentioned that they used slaves and criminals, since they would have a hard time getting actors to play the part of someone that actually dies, and my dad disagreed.

He said: No, people were dying to have that job.

Sorry if something like this has already been posted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ytrbpt_Hsbom
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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I made a β€œsuggestion for improvement” to my wife regarding her cooking.

She responded β€œyou know, I slave away all day in this kitchen..”

So I cut in: β€œand you still can’t seem to get it right.”

On the plus side, it’s way roomier than I would have expected in this doghouse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phisopholer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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It sucks when you just can't get a person...

because you've been refused to purchase slaves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaleidosky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2015
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Moses and the Pharaoh

A long, long time ago in Egypt the Israelites were held as slaves. One day the evil Pharaoh passed a decree that no Israelite could cut the grass outside their house.

The grass grew and grew, covering the houses and making it quite an ordeal for the Israelites to go to work in the morning, which put a bit of a strain on the old pyramid building that was all the rage at the time. But Pharaoh didn't care and the edict still stood. No Israelite could cut the grass outside their home.

Eventually the elders had had enough and called upon Moses, who had a bit of a rapport with Pharaoh, being brought up together and all that jazz.

"Moses, you must convince Pharaoh to see sense and let us remove the grass from outside our homes!" they implored.

Moses nodded, picked up his staff and sought an audience with Pharaoh.

In the royal chambers, Moses approached Pharaoh. "Yes, Moses? How can I help?" asked Pharaoh.

Moses stood tall, stared deep into Pharaoh's eyes, raised his staff aloft, cleared his throat and with a booming voice said, "Pharaoh! Let my people mow!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grubbymitts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2018
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Dancing queen

My dad and I were talking about the civil war and the use of slaves and the freedom movement and the such a while ago, (he's a history teacher at the local high school). "Dancing Queen" came on the radio and he leaned over and said, "do you know what people who like this band should be called? Abba-listen-ists" and laughed by himself for a solid minute.

Please help

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fastersnail
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2015
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Every time I asked my dad where my mom was...

Every time I would ask my dad where my mom was growing up, he would reply: "Sold her as a slave."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cire353
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
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Got my mom last month

Last month, I bought a book of skits from a store. I was reading a few of the skits out loud, and my mom mentioned Who's On First. My brother didn't believe it was 70 years old. Mom then said that there was a section of a Greek comedy that was very similar to Monty Python's Parrot Sketch, only with a dead slave instead of a dead parrot.

Me: "Monty Python resurrected that joke far more effectively than that guy wishes he could've resurrected the parrot."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RotWS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2015
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My dad watched a movie...

Dad: Watched 11 Years A Slave last night Me: You mean 12 Years? Dad: No, this was a shorter version, they cut a year out

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saracakes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2014
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I like my coffee like I like slaves

Free

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πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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I like my coffee how I like my slaves

Free

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fr4gnetic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2017
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