The knights of the round table all had a unique set of skills
Do you think Sir Lancelot was good at jousting? Or just really liked it.
During lockdown my origami skills have improved...
I've decided to marry a pencil.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since
Three fruits decided to have a dragrace match. The Lemon prepared by practcing driving skills, the orange by studying the appropriate tecniques, the grape by relaxing in the sun. Who won?
The grape. He was the only one who went raisin.
Just watched a great documentary on Netflix regarding Chewbacca's porcelain skills...
It's called - Hairy Potter.
My English skills and mental health need improvement, but my math skills are fine.
Me grammar sucks and i is imaginary.
What do you call a member of law enforcement who likes to show people his skills on the Guitar?
Not my first pun but second pun here. Don't WINE about my Photoshop skills.
What do you call a programme where you watch some very skilled dogs sleeping?
Those brother in law pun skills
Have you heard about the disease named after a baseball skill?
Steak jokes are a rare medium well done.
Nevermind, that was raw. Let me cook something else up.
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
Title
Me: "I've been getting better at biking with no hands"
Mum: "That's a handy skill"
Me: "Actually it's a no handy skill"
What do I call it when you're working on honing your sexual skills?
Those brother in law pun skills
I told my mom to teach my kids her skills in making bread and pasta from scratch
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants
I used my carpentry skills to fix a creaky stair.
I mean, screw that noise.
I brought my skills learned in the army to my new job, working to fix animals...
My skills at sharpening my knives are atrophying...
I really need to hone them.
My boss said my math skills are average.
My door to door fruit delivery business failed terribly because of my horrible interpersonal skills.
I was driving people bananas.
I wanted to impress my friends, so I learned how to improve my guitar skills.
It was A Major task but I can only C Minor improvement.
You're no match for my smash skills
Making external auditory sensors for automobiles is an employable skill
You can make a car ear doing it
My magnum opus. Even though the Photoshop skills are something quite atrocious. (Pic)
What do you call a green onion with mad rhyme skills?
My wife was filling out a skill testing question using my back as a table.
She was have trouble with the question so she just googled the answer and wrote it down.
I told her that I was leaving her.
Why she asked me.
I told you I would leave you if you ever cheated on me.
To the person who stole my glasses
I will find you, I have contacts
My 7 year old son: “What did Neptune say to Mercury?”
“I can’t hear you.”
The skill is developing in this one. So proud.
What skill does a herb farmer need to perfect?
I'm quite insecure about my home baking skills, though people kept complimenting me on my home made bread.
"Thanks" I said "I kneaded that"
His pun skills are top notch
Chalk it up to my artistic skill
Dad teaching me culinary skills.
"Let me show you how to make an egg roll, son."
Picks an egg
"Take an egg, put it on the table, and just push it!"
I am very, very skilled at parking. I could probably park a car in any spot you think wouldn't be possible.
One could say I'm a hardcore parker.
Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam has a father who was known for his skills as a Jedi and military leader.
They call him Darth Vedder.
What's a magician skilled in the art of hickeys called?
Why was the baker upset with himself?
What's the difference between someone who bought a house and someone who practices their electrician skills?
One's a home owner and the other's an ohm honer.
I used to brag about my Photoshop skills to my friends.
But when I was about to show them, the software crashed midway and I could do nothing about it.
It destroyed my image.
I saw two chess masters in the hotel lobby, and they were bragging about their skill.
They were chess nuts boasting in a open foyer.
How do you tell your pasta is done cooking?
You have to be skilled in Al-dente-fication
Which geometrical instrument has the most leadership skills?
Tilt shift is a hard skill to master
My dad calls his teeth "skills"
so every night he could go brush up his skills
I finally passed my writing skills test.
My snow skiing skills are going downhill fast!
I once challenged an amputee to a swordfight
I asked my girlfriend what her opinion was on Pete Townshend's guitar playing skills.
She replied "Literally who?"
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you...
What is someone with bad social skills doing on a conference?
Link was showing off his boomerang skills.
It was a stunning performance.
Raising a puppy is sharpening my skills...
[Mom, dad, SO, I eating Chinese food before Billy Joel concert]
[Finishing up, dad notices bunch of fortune cookies left in the box to be thrown out]
Dad: "You gonna throw all these away?"
Mom: "...are you gonna eat all of them?"
Me: "No reason to throw them out, they're worth a fortune.........."
.......It sounded much better before I typed it all out, I hope it comes across as good as it did that night.
I walked into an underemployed martial arts dojo today and offered my skills.
In no time, I was HI-YA'd!
Did a presentation on beginners carpentry skills today.
My brother is in town, and has forgotten the skills of our Dad.
Brother: Hey, can I take a shower?
Dad: As long as you put it back when you're done with it.
How does an ant put on a tie?
With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.
What do you call a court justice who is skilled in martial arts?
Doing the laundry with my roommate when my Dad-skills activated
On the weekends, my roomie and I head to the cleaners to do our laundry. We were folding our clothes and towels away when he commented on how fancy I fold my towels, similar to how some hotels chains have theirs folded. He asked where I learned to fold towels like that when I said "Oh, its just a natural towel-lent of mine"
What does a baby corn call its dad?
Popcorn.
(Credit goes to Puppy Dog Pals I watched with my daughter today)
My sister was hired to sew 8 bridesmaid dresses by Saturday. . .
She seamstressed but she’ll get it done. However her skills are only sew sew.
Not sure if this has been put on here before...
A man fancies himself skilled at writing puns, so when a local newspaper offered $5000 to whomever could write the best pun, the man thought he'd make some quick cash. He spent the next day writing puns and picked out the ten best ones to send in to the newspaper. He figured that at least one of the ten he submitted would win, but sadly, no pun in ten did.
So, this is a little bit unoriginal but it's my first own dadjoke that I came up with on the spot, so I was proud to know I might hone my skills in the future to be a great/horrible dad.
Friend: Text me when you have time.
Me: When you have time.
Friend: ...
Two gunslingers of equal skill had a face off, what do you think happened?
Dadjoke at my beginner programming skills
My dad asked me how my very first arduino program was going.
Me: "I made an LED blink!!"
Dad: "Wow, I think I would definitely lose a staring contest with an LED."
My 4 year old is honing her dad joke skills.
My wife and I were enjoying coffee this morning when I asked her what kind it was. My daughter said "It's hazelnut coffee! Right, Mommy?" My wife said "No. Way off." To which my daughter replied "Way off coffee?"
Just saw the new Netflix documentary about Chewbacca's porcelain skills...
It's called "Hairy Potter".
I'm not a dad yet, but I'm practicing for when I am (should be in about 20 years)
Me: "I've been getting better at biking with no hands"
Mum: "That's a handy skill"
Me: "Actually it's a no handy skill"
I asked my wife what she thought of my peeing skills, on a scale of 1-10...
I asked my friend to rate my listening skills and he said, "You're an 8 on a scale of 10"
Really don't understand why he told me to urinate on a skeleton.
My origami skills are in creasing.
Dear whoever stole my disc copy of Microsoft office
I will find you. You have my Word.
Telekinesis is not a handy skill.
To the person that stole my Microsoft Office license, I will find you
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