Did you hear about the Sith apprentice who finally got his printer to work?

I hear the problem was A dam driver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OratioFidelis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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What did the Railroad Engineer say to his apprentice?

You need more training.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FaceInTheCloudz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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I am a bread making apprentice, I knead to know!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeahChristopher
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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What does a Blacksmith say to his apprentice after he fuses metal.

Weld-done lad, weld-done.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/9ine0ne0ne
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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What did the hangman say to his apprentice?

β€œListen up, I’m gonna teach you the ropes”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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What do you call a railroad apprentice?

A trainee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/martzfartz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2016
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The apprentice has become the master

My dad was talking about his college calculus class

Dad: "I could barely understand my calculus professor. He was always speaking Chinese"

Me: "Are you sure he was speaking Chinese or was it just all Greek to you?"

Everyone except my dad groaned. He was beaming with pride

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dwlarkin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2014
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The fishmonger’s apprentice was flirting with me, but I have a hunch she just wants to make better commission.

I mean, it could be real but maybe that’s just fishful winking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slavaa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2015
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Dadjoked by an apprentice at work

Kid walks into work with a slick new trim and I ask him "you get a hair cut?" he quickly turned around with a cheeky grin and said "nah, I got all of them cut!"

God knows how long he was waiting to say that

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skepachino
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2014
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What does the Shepard say to his apprentice when the sheep are being too loud?

SHUT THE FLOCK UP!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElGuapo82
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2016
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What do you call an apprentice locomotive conductor?

A conductor in training.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reesareesa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2016
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Ever have your kid come up with a better punchline than your original?

I went to ask my daughter:

Where do you park when you visit the moon?

(Originally I was gonna say at the parking meteor!)

But straight faced she replies:

Anywhere you can find space.

Then she grinned... (she knew what she was doing)... space dad. get it? in space....

Totally out dad joked by my own daughter.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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My son is almost 3, and frantically calls me into his room when he should be sleeping. Dad! Dad! Put your finger in my ear... so I do...

"Get outta h-ear!", he says to me.

Made me so proud. Unprompted dad jokes from our little apprentices are just so great.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yyz-ac
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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Tomorrow is International Mud Day, and I had this marvellous exchange with my 4 year old today, Sunday: "Better prepare your gumboots, tomorrow is Mud Day!" I exclaimed. My child, without missing a beat, replied:

"No it's not, it's MUNday!" The apprentice has now become the master.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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I’m heartbroken that I lost a bucket of sand, silt, and gravel.

It was of great sedimentary value.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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My friend Izzy wanted to furnish her new apartment, so I took her to furniture store owned by 3 carpenters, all named Paul.

Two of them were still apprentices and learning the trade, but the third was a master at the craft and was also my friend. They were currently busy in the workshop working on a set of great wooden letters which spelled "BEAST". "Is your friend Paul the one working on the misshapen B?" Izzy asked. "Nope, that's not him.", I replied. "So is it the one working on the crooked E?"she responded. "Most certainly not!" I answered. I finally saw him and exclaimed, "On ST is the best Paul, Izzy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastJoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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Saw just dosen't cut it.

Talking about the condition of one of the power saws at work (construction):

Boss: Do you know if that saw is working properly now? Did (coworker) manage to fix it?
Me: Yeah, it's running now, only problem it that it doesn't cut any longer...
Boss: Huh?
Me: Yeah, it only cuts shorter.

The original conversation was not in English, but the pun works in my native language too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2rgeir
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2015
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My dad one-upping my "Corn"-y joke

A few years ago my dad and I were bored walking through a museum and came to a random painting of a woven basket filled with husks of corn. He asked me what i thought of it.

As his dad-joke apprentice i told him: "I dunno, seems kind of "Corn-y" to me"

Without missing a beat he stared at me and said "you may think it's corny, but i think it's a-Maize-ing"

I still crack up thinking about it years later

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trampestamp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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My sister has become king of the dad jokes

So we're in the car driving to the airport and my dad's talking about his buddy Terry. Terry was in some small movie and my dad was commenting that he played both the referee in a footy game, and then it cut to a shot of the crowd and THERE WAS TERRY. My dad goes "I mean, he could have at least put a different shirt on to create the illusion he was someone else. How silly of him!"

My sister says "You should be real careful dad, you shouldn't make fun of him. You can die from dissin' Terry"

Cue groans and laughter, and my dad conceding the apprentice has surpassed the master.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pocketnotebook
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2015
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The Tables Have Turned

http://imgur.com/MPyuSo4

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πŸ‘€︎ u/foxygrandpa696
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2015
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That fateful day has finally arrived. I'm a dad joker.

So, I'm a new-ish dad, and I now consider myself an apprentice in the art of dad jokes. How's this one?

I'm helping out my kid with his math. All looks good, except there's a weird loop at the top of one of his '1's.

Son: "Is that right?"

Me: "What's that thing there, with the loop?"

Son: "That's a 1. Is it right?"

Me: "Right? Even Better. I'd say you got a HOLE IN 1."

Son: ".... daaaad... ugh.."

At long last, I'm not at the receiving end of these ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vetokend
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2016
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G'day reddit. Been a dad since October 2014, and just yesterday these hit me..

It started off pretty innocently. I was at work doing work stuff (I'm an apprentice boilermaker if you want to know) and came up with this...

Q. How did the bacon get to hospital? A. In the HAMbulance.

Kinda just snowballed from there...

Q. How did the sheep get to hospital? A. In the RAMbulance.

Q. How did the oyster get to hospital? A. In the CLAMbulance.

Q. How did the marmalade get to the hospital? A. In the JAMbulance.

I decided to post my hilarity on Facebook, and my brother in law dropped this one:

Q. How did the martial artist get to hospital? A. In the JEANCLAUDEVANDAMMEbulance.

And my sister chimed in too:

Q. How did the Beaver get to hospital? A. In the DAMbulance.

The next thing I knew, it just wouldn't stop...THEY JUST KEPT COMING OUT OF MY BRAIN!

Q. How did the sweet potato get to hospital? A. In the YAMbulance.

Q. How did the Indian get to hospital? A. In the PAPADAMbulance.

Q. How did the other Indian get to hospital? A. In the WIGWAMbulance.

Q. How did the insomniac get to hospital? A. In the DIAZAPAMbulance.

Q. How did the baby get to hospital? A. In the PRAMbulance.

Q. How did The Flash get to hospital? A. In the SHAZAMbulance.

I went to bed around 8.30pm. NO SLEEP FOR ME, MORE DAD JOKES TO THINK ABOUT!

Q. How did Sean Penn get to the hospital? A. In the IAMSAMbulance.

Q. How did Dr Suess get to the hospital? A. In the SAMIAMbulance.

Q. How did the exhibitionist get to hospital? A. In the WEBCAMbulance.

Q. How did the 80's pop stars get to hospital? A. In the WHAMbulance.

Q. How did the air hostess get to hospital? A. In the PAN-AMbulance.

Q. How did the POW get to hospital? A. In the VIETNAMbulance.

I'm pretty much spent at this point, but thought I would share with you guys. Maybe you've got more of your own to add?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/azureal
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2015
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My Dad Loves his Construction Jokes

Dad: Did you know that mason apprentices learn on a trowel and error basis?

Dad: Hueehhh huueehhh hueegghhh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SCHMAPaFOODLES
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2014
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I am a bread making apprentice, I knead to know!

This joke is crumby.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeahChristopher
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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