I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.

I call him Dr. Awkward.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
How could you describe a group of chess grandmasters bragging about their skills in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atltop5150
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a handyman's skill set?

His repair-toire

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BedHeadBread
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If a highly skilled bird lands on your father’s sweater...

That’s a pro sparrow on your fleecy dad. Looking forward to a happy 2021!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
People are always amazed by the skilled tattoo artists in Spain

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision

πŸ‘︎ 168
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gamer_Noob_69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn't expect to see that convention of skilled printers in Madrid…

It was a Spanish ink-wiz-isition.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Vincent Van Gogh’s son was a LEGO master. As a test of his skill he was asked...

Can you LEGO an egg Gogh?

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What vegetable is the most skilled in Martial Arts?

BroccLee

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrNakMuay4
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do birds go to show off their skills?

Talon shows

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cornelius_M
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, β€œYou’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Domestic Skills

When my wife came home yesterday afternoon to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and me on the couch having done nothing but eat chips and watch TV all afternoon.

She shook her finger at me, "You better watch this lazy attitude you've had lately, mister, or you're gonna to make me do something I'll regret!"

"Wow," I thought, "I can't believe I'm going to get a bj out of this."

πŸ‘︎ 331
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My 7-year old son constantly insists that I use my ballet skills around the house...

He really keeps me on my toes.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I remarried, and my new wife is pissed because of my poor navigation skills

She said our relationship wasn't going anywhere

Edit : She just packed her bag and right

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chennai_buzzer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
The knights of the round table all had a unique set of skills

Do you think Sir Lancelot was good at jousting? Or just really liked it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itwasme
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
During lockdown my origami skills have improved...

Tenfold

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ?

I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I've decided to marry a pencil.

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Three fruits decided to have a dragrace match. The Lemon prepared by practcing driving skills, the orange by studying the appropriate tecniques, the grape by relaxing in the sun. Who won?

The grape. He was the only one who went raisin.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/midy-dk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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Those brother in law pun skills
πŸ‘︎ 21k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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Not my first pun but second pun here. Don't WINE about my Photoshop skills.
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/c_lassi_k
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Just watched a great documentary on Netflix regarding Chewbacca's porcelain skills...

It's called - Hairy Potter.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My English skills and mental health need improvement, but my math skills are fine.

Me grammar sucks and i is imaginary.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bdiscer
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a member of law enforcement who likes to show people his skills on the Guitar?

A share riff.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaman_90
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My Karate teacher is getting a divorce.

He is a great Sensei, but he's not very skilled at the marital arts.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mhoke63
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Most people told me learning sign language was a waste of time

But I find it to be a pretty handy skill

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ham-cum-rewritten
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Spaghetti car

I told my wife I was building a car out of spaghetti. She told me to stop being stupid. You should've seen her face as I drove pasta!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jamster_1988
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I wouldn't let my newborn work on my Ferrari's engine

He doesn't have fine motor skills

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjo_kes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a programme where you watch some very skilled dogs sleeping?

Snore patrol

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the disease named after a baseball skill?

It's catching.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Those brother in law pun skills
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My boss said my math skills are average.

That's just mean.

πŸ‘︎ 961
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
What do I call it when you're working on honing your sexual skills?

Horning

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my mom to teach my kids her skills in making bread and pasta from scratch

They knead it

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puggernault
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Advanced reading skills
πŸ‘︎ 285
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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Mama Frog was really struggling with her youngest, Little Hop. He couldn’t seem to sit still!

That is, at least not long enough to learn any of the many, many important things a frog needs to learn in order to be a frog.

You see, a frog needs to be super slick in order to get by. A frog without proper skills, well, he may as well be a toad.

Anyways, every time Mama Frog went about trying to teach Little Hop something, he would just bounce.. and bounce.. and bounce..

And every time Mama Frog had reached her limit of patience, right before giving up, she’d say to Little Hop, β€œIf you keep on keepin’ on hoppin around all aimless, I’m gonna turn you into a toad!”

Which, upon hearing, Little Hop would stop his hop and settle. You see, he knew well enough that he wanted no part of being a toad.

Well, on one particular day, during one such lesson, Little Hop had taken again to bouncing here, and bouncing there - and just about everywhere besides a place he could listen! And on this same particular day, Mama Frog’s patience was worn real, real, thin, you see, and she got sudden filled with a terrible frustration.

And just like a firecracker went off, in a sudden snap, Mama Frog turned Little Hop straight into a toad!

And when it was done, Mama Frog looked at him direct, shook her head, and said..

β€œI toad you so.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I used my carpentry skills to fix a creaky stair.

I mean, screw that noise.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the broke ornithologist?

His budgie-ting skills were horrible!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRoamingWizard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I brought my skills learned in the army to my new job, working to fix animals...

I'm a military vet!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My door to door fruit delivery business failed terribly because of my horrible interpersonal skills.

I was driving people bananas.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My skills at sharpening my knives are atrophying...

I really need to hone them.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My magnum opus. Even though the Photoshop skills are something quite atrocious. (Pic)

http://imgur.com/p8zGyin

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeywithanr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2016
🚨︎ report
You're no match for my smash skills
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sreksworb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Steak jokes are a rare medium well done.

Nevermind, that was raw. Let me cook something else up.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HauntedHatBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I wanted to impress my friends, so I learned how to improve my guitar skills.

It was A Major task but I can only C Minor improvement.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealJeemboo
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Just saw the new Netflix documentary about Chewbacca's porcelain skills...

It's called "Hairy Potter".

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, β€œYou’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...

πŸ‘︎ 267
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife what she thought of my peeing skills, on a scale of 1-10...

She said β€œurinate”

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoosierdaddiesx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend to rate my listening skills and he said, "You're an 8 on a scale of 10"

Really don't understand why he told me to urinate on a skeleton.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDPhoenix-8632
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report

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