Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack

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📅︎ Nov 18 2020
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Brake fluid.
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📅︎ Jun 28 2020
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Skid Marx
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📅︎ May 01 2017
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If I were a rapper, my rap name would be

Lay-Z

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📅︎ Apr 13 2020
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My girlfriend threw away my scooby doo boxers.

Damn those pesky skids!

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👤︎ u/bear4bunny
📅︎ Dec 21 2019
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I thought my car was actually out of control

But as it turns out it was just skidding

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📅︎ May 16 2019
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Work gave me the option to work from home today because of the ice.

I took them up on it because earlier in the season I went for a pretty nice slide. It's like that old saying. Once skidding ice shy.

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👤︎ u/bubblezoid
📅︎ Feb 12 2019
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The man who saved Reddit

In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.

Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is ground down and hidden away, and the resistance is loosing its will.

A small group of contributors to reddit, huddled together in a bunker beneath barely-waving flags of Snoo, worked tirelessly to repost new ideas from around the internet, to release ideas from their chains, and make speech free ... again!

But it was not to be - a gang of the governments anti-piracy enforcers descended on this, the last bastion of humankind's will to share-freely. Arriving in an armored bus, ten shock-troopers breached the bunker and it looked like the day was lost.

Fortunately for us all, one brave redditor led the collective out a back entrance and they circled to the driveway. This leader told the other redditors to wait in the bushes while he overpowered the one soldier left guarding the transport. There was a flash of movement, a crack from a fallen branch as it struck the guard, and then, stolen keys in hand, the hero revved the engine and told the redditors to pile in.

He had to will himself ignore the gas gauge as he floored the accelerator on the 25,000 pound ticket to freedom - there was only survival or defeat, and nothing in between. Sirens came alive behind him as he rushed for the border to the promised land, to the Free-North.

As the engine begins to cough, the titanic weight of the transport cleaves the barricades asunder and the pursuing vehichles have to hard-brake to avoid skidding beyond their corrupt jurisdiction. Both exhausted and elated, the redditors follow their hero to the freedom promised by their new surroundings ... but their peril is not yet passed.

Though most of the pirate-hunters glower from the south-side of the border, one special agent has crossed over and is speaking with the border guards. The tension is thick. A long-faced guard turns to the newcomers, clearly troubled by what he must do.

"Folks," he says, a pained look on his kindly face, "I'm sorry, to do this, don't cha' know, but I got no choice, eh!"

Confused, the redditors look to one another, and tremble as they notice the agent's smug expression, greedy eyes fixed on the leader of the exodus.

"Look here, now, you are all welcome here, of course, and since speech is free here, we are

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📅︎ Mar 23 2018
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Did you hear they found a lost Marx Brothers film featuring a long lost 6th brother?

It's called The Great Underwear Caper starring Skid Marx

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📅︎ Mar 03 2019
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There was an accident at work the other day...

A guy had a metal skid dropped on his foot, severing all his toes. To add insult to injury, while he was recovering in the hospital, he was served divorce papers by his wife's lawyer. No one was really all that surprised, though; she's lactose intolerant.

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📅︎ Jun 15 2018
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Dad joked as soon as I walked into the office.

Heading in to work in the morning and the first thing I see when I walk in the door is a wooden skid. It was pretty dirty. First thought was "I hope that doesn't leave any... skid marks!"

Haha, I found that much more funny than anyone should have.

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📅︎ Nov 21 2014
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Why didnt the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

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👤︎ u/HaruArashi
📅︎ Jul 25 2019
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