You can’t say it’s pointless
I think I'll name it But Pho Real.
He's a real neighsayer.
But I’ve always wanted to give Red Bed Redemption a shot.
Turns out, Israel
But after a while it stuck with him
The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."
The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.
The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"
The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.
The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"
The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.
The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"
The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"
Keeps calling it a hippo potty myth
He was very counterintuitive.
He said, "you'll see."
When God said unto Moses, "I am who I am." Moses said, "No way!" And God said unto him, "Yahweh!"
"I stand corrected!"
She was a rare medium well done.
It's so sketchy
"I stand corrected."
So I ended up getting psychic larges instead.
I was skeptical at first, but then I saw her face...
They're skeptical spectacles.
Kids were discussing animals. Someone mentioned gnus (wildebeests), how they have horse tails and buffalo horns. I told them I'm not even sure if they are real or not. "Really? You don't know if gnus are real or not?" Says the oldest in a skeptic tone.
"That's right. I'm an agnustic."
Did you see the headline that Genetic Engineers are experimenting with odd combinations of animals in order to come up with new species? This article was talking about people trying to combine a bull with a possum.
While the scientific community is responding with skepticism, I think it's a possum-bull.
A piece of string and his buddies go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says we don’t serve strings here, but they sit down anyway. The bartender walks over to the table and says either he can leave, or you all can leave, I don’t care, then the bartender walks away. The string says let me see if I can make this better, and he goes up to talk to the bartender with no success. And goes back to the table. He sits there for a minute thinking. The string then ties himself into a knot, and frays his end and then go back up to the bar to get drinks for the table. The bartender looks at him skeptically, and says” aren’t you that piece of string, and the string replies”no, I’m a frayed knot”
A skeptic tank.
Walking back from the kitchen at work with a snack I turn to my coworker and say:
"I like pears, which is why I'm bummed there was only 1"
"Ok dude", he waits for a moment and looks at me... "Was there a hidden joke in there?" He questions skeptically.
I smile at him and wait a moment. Realization dawns on his face and he curses and turns away trying not to show that he's laughing.
A couple puns.
A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."
There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one).
edit: just a bit of formatting showing difference from one pun the other
My dad, step mum and I were watching a nature program. The topic turned to a lake that contained the largest number of wild mussels in the country. Cue conversation:
Dad: "I went to a party there once."
Dad: "Yeah, I pulled a mussel".
I groaned, step mum rolled her eyes, refusing to acknowledge the joke while dad is cracking up at himself. It took him a good minute to compose himself.
(For those unfamiliar with the slang, in England "to pull" someone means scoring/picking someone up at a bar/club/party or whatever)
EDIT cant spell.
Dad - What are you doing?
Son - Getting a bowl of Banana Pudding.
Dad - OH, I'm allergic to Banana Pudding.
Son - (EXTREME SKEPTICISM) What do you mean you're allergic?
Dad - I can't eat just one bowl.
Him: Do you know why they call it Popeyes Chicken? Me (skeptically): No. Him: Because if you have a chicken allergy, your eyes pop out of your head. eyeroll Happy Father's Day, Dads!!