Pessimist....Things can't get any worse.

Optimist.....Nah!! Of course they can.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.

The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/firestrike007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

The Opportunist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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I hate to be a pessimist about this pandemic thing...

But I’m negative.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Random-Human-Unit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Pessimists are the healthiest....

They're always negative.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demented_Sandwich
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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An Optimist and a Pessimist Walk into a Bar

The optimist orders a drink while the pessimist puts ice on the bruise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeffafa42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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What do you call a group of Russian pessimists?

A so-be-it union.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twillo_11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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What blood type does a pessimist have?

B Negative

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreenSaltMedia
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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What did the pessimist say after they went to the chiropractor?

Sorry for doubting you, I stand corrected.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plmcalli
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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How did the pessimist build his house

Constructive criticism.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPotato1606
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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What do pessimists and horses have in common?

They are both naysayers

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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What's the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages?

They both fear the wurst

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomG93
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2016
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I’m an optimistic pessimist.

I’m positive things will go wrong.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alfrodobaggins
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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A pessimist has a glass that’s half empty, an optimist has a glass that’s half full.

An optometrist just has a pair of glasses!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Somedudesmusic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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The optimist sees the donut whole; the pessimist sees the donut hole.

I tried to get this to a sexual joke, but I will leave it as an exercise for the reader.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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Two pessimists walk into a bar.

"When is Happy hour?" asks the first pessimistic.

"Probably when we leave," says the second.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
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Why did the Horse Whisperer have a reputation as a pessimist?

Because he was a famous neigh-sayer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pomegranate2012
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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Why are gardeners such pessimists?

They're always worried about their fuschias

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colacubeninja
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2018
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What do you call a pessimist sea-bird?

A pelican't.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charmbruster
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
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Pessimists need a kick in the can'ts.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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What blood type makes people pessimists?

B negative

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elevatedoctopus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2017
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The pessimist had a flat tire

so he opened the trunk and pulled out despair.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lindleyw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2014
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I opened up a gym for lazy pessimists

It didn't work out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Steve_McGuilicuty
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2016
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What did the pessimist with the flu say when the doctor told him his congestion symptoms would go away within a week?

That'snot going to happen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoisedProgramar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2016
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Always borrow money from a pessimist.

He won’t expect it back. Oscar Wilde :-)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dipsytripsy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2015
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I’m such a pessimist

Even my blood type tells me to B Negative

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrumSpace
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
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An optimist and a pessimist...

An optimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and thinks it’s an exit.

A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing train.

The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on train tracks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2016
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