I ate an optimist once...

But, I couldn't keep him down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.

The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/firestrike007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

The Opportunist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Crane flies are optimists.

They're always looking on the bright side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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An Optimist and a Pessimist Walk into a Bar

The optimist orders a drink while the pessimist puts ice on the bruise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeffafa42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sunsquared
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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Optimists: Its tortilla

Pessimists: Its tortino

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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What type of blood does an optimist have?

B Positive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThickOunce
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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I’ve been having problems with my vision, so yesterday I went to my optimist.

He said it would get better.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thug_Lawyer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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A pessimist has a glass that’s half empty, an optimist has a glass that’s half full.

An optometrist just has a pair of glasses!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Somedudesmusic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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The optimist sees the donut whole; the pessimist sees the donut hole.

I tried to get this to a sexual joke, but I will leave it as an exercise for the reader.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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How do you know pelicans are optimists?

If they were pessimists we’d call them pelicants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacegecko
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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I went to a party full of optimists and passed out after drinking too much.

I woke up and someone had drawn happiness on my forehead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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An Optimist was Walking Around a Graveyard

He said, β€œI’m seeing a lot of plus signs here.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PKMKII
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2017
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An optimist jumps from the Empire State building midway someone asks..

How are you doing? Optimist: so far so good

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Msaniifu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2017
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Optimist Prime and Negativetron.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vicous
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2015
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What is an optimist's favorite condiment?

Relish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2016
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"Nobody is ever going to find a prime number larger than me!" - Optimist Prime
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πŸ‘€︎ u/venona
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2014
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An optimist and a pessimist...

An optimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and thinks it’s an exit.

A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing train.

The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on train tracks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2016
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What blood type do optimists have?

B positive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/symbot001
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
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