[WP] An AI that wishes to experience romance hijacks a ship and kidnaps a dockworker. the dockworker is a gruff, sailor/soldier type. However, he often reads stories and poetry to the various shipboard AI that come through
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📅︎ Dec 15 2019
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Retcons made to Halo: Combat Evolved (Long)

I've been playing through all the Halo campaigns again and I've noticed a few retcons to Halo CE and recontextualisations. I haven't read the books.

I'm aware Fall of Reach came out before Halo CE but that also Bungie didn't really co-ordinate with it so there's lore discrepancies or at least intentional discrepancies (ie I've read in FoR its the first time humans see Elites which is clearly not the intention of Halo CE and reading the Game Manual lore etc).

I'm also aware there's issues with Halo Reach and Fall of Reach and Bungie deliberately ignoring book lore for their own and the attempts to revise and merge the two through book revisions etc.

I always find this fascinating with long running franchises. Going back to the original and seeing how things have changed and expanded beyond what was originally intended.

So here's what seems like it retconned or recontexualised!

1) Halo CE is the first time Cortana pairs up with the Chief. She's just a shipboard AI

In Combat Evolved the dialogue in the beginning suggests that Cortana is a run of the mill Shipboard AI and the Pillar of Autumn is her ship. Through dialogue you get the impression disengaging from the Pillar isn't standard procedure and pairing with Master Chief is a very special case scenario due to the Cole Protocol.

The way Cortana seems to take one last look and braces herself before she tells Chief to "Yank me". This is like a DEFCON 1 situation.

When Cortana enters Chief she mentions how his architecture is similar to the Autumn's. Chief says "don't get any ideas".

However in Halo Reach we see that Cortana is apparently with Halsey underground researching a Forerunner structure. She's a more "special" AI than previously assumed.

I think I read that Cortana is split into two. But if you've only played the games Halo Reach has you believe you've delivered Cortana to the Pillar. But in Halo CE one infers that She's just the shipboard AI.

You could also argue that Halo 3 recontexualises her relationship with Master Chief with her "luck" speech. Halo CE establishes that her and Chief clearly have a rapport.

>Cortana:"Sleep well?

>Chief: "No thanks to your driving".

> Cortana: "So you did miss me"

But the dialogue and directive of Keyes to keep Cortana safe all gives the impression, again, that this is a unique situation and Cortana hasn't been inside Chiefs head before.

I also think this doesn't track with Fall of Reach b

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👤︎ u/aphidman
📅︎ Jan 14 2022
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The Second Arrival (A "There Will Be Scritches" spinoff)

Based on the r/HFY story [There will be Scritches](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/r3lov3/there_will_be_scritches/) by u/YukiteruAmano92 and set in the same universe. Setting used with permission.

The Second Arrival

For the second time in a month, Lieutenant Tuvisha, security chief of the science vessel Far Star, stood in front of the docking bay doors awaiting the arrival of a new recruit. This time, however, anxiety and uncertainty were the emotion of the moment. Captain Thellrin hadn’t even bothered showing up for this arrival; it was his turn to (seethe) over current events, as Tuvisha had managed to almost single-handedly delay their departure by almost a week. The Svikkthian captain was almost obsessively punctual, and was eager to be underway to complete their assigned mission. This recruit, however, was important.

The Far Star had just completed their spacedock refits the week prior, and were now prepared to embark on their first mission to study and catalogue flora and fauna native to uncolonized deathworlds. The stated purpose, given by Svikkth Global University’s Trkbin School of Xenobiology, was to investigate possible trends in deathworld biospheres that may lead to new information on how and why sapient species native to these planets were all but unheard of. The prevailing theory in the xenology community, so far as Tuvisha could understand, was that given enough time, sapience could and would arise on these worlds. The Terrans were simply the first of such advanced species, due to the unbelievable number of dangers and competition present that had to be overcome by any prospective species to reach full sapience.

All (egghead) stuff, and mostly over the security chief’s head. Her concern was keeping a bunch of gardenworlder scientists safe in the vast reaches of space, helping to plot the safest and wisest courses to their destinations, coordinating with planetary authorities to ensure local laws were followed, maintaining shore leave schedules to ensure enough of a presence remained aboard during port calls that the ship didn’t fall into neglect, maintaining order during the long voyages between stars, and, of course, preparing to defend against pirates whenever they were encountered.

The airlock doors cycle, and for the second time that month, Tuvisha found herself in the presence of a new deathworld species. Still Terran, but belonging to

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📅︎ Jan 03 2022
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First Contact - Chapter 602 - No Time for Tears

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Her name was Roca del Yaung y. McDonald, born a female on the third planet of Vanderme-7, known in the local language as "Land of Flowers" and settled for over 3,500 years. Like most Confederate citizens, she'd grown up in luxury and privilege. Nearly anything she could want was available in the public nanoforge template libraries. She had clean air, clean water, safety, she went to sleep with her belly full. Her DNA had been cleaned and tweaked, her parents had chosen her eye color and hair color, although that lasted till her teenage years. She was educated via eVR, in schooling till she was 22. At 25 she was proclaimed an adult and even though she could have left at any time, her parent's house had plenty of room.

She switched bodies often, just like her peers. Rarely going for longer than six months in the same body. Her fully mature body had long blonde hair, tan skin, green eyes, freckles on her face, was six foot two (the shorter side of normal for women), and well built and sculpted.

She'd been killed twice. Once when she'd choked on a piece of food because she'd been talking with her mouth full on the phone while walking along a trail outside of the nanite zones. The second time she had not been paying attention, immersed in an Enhanced Reality Game and walked into traffic, injured badly enough that the 'soup' couldn't save her. Therapy had eased the trauma of being killed, since both of them were 'lingering traumatic death events', and she had largely forgotten about them by the time she was 19.

Her life was one of parties, hanging out with friends, luxuries, and wanting for nothing. She had even traveled to other planets, and during Final Education Year Three she had even visited Earth and her ancestor's ancient homeland of Azatlan and The Wailing Loch. She'd even seen the immortal Bessie as the great beast surfaced to blow air at one of the Lochs.

It wasn't until she was almost thirty-five that she began to feel like something else was missing.

She had two children. Not like her mother, who she kind of looked down on as a 'breeder' and 'free birther', but normally, making sure the zygote was formed from donor sperm and a carefully selected egg, the

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📅︎ Oct 14 2021
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Halo: Burners: Ancient Truths

First : Previous : Next : My Other Stories

Burners: Ancient Truths

“I glow in moonlight, you fall like rain (You fall like rain). We’ll take the ever-after and turn it into pain. Your pain is the one thing that I feel inside me, That I have been hiding inside me for you. Your death is the singing that I hear when I'm dreaming, And the bell I'll be ringing when I sing for you. Pain isn't the only gift ill give you slowly, But I'll give it wholly and solely to you.”- Elena Siegman, The Gift

Chapter 18

“You ready for this? You haven’t had a body in years.” A deceptively kind voice asked and emerald eyes shimmering with reflected light moved under a golden polarized visor to meet their blue opposites.

“I’ll be fine mom, you spend too much time worrying.” Came the lighthearted, almost playful response.

“I’m allowed to worry about my children.” The reply sent emerald eyes rolling with amusement and embarrassment.

“I’m forty or twenty five if you don’t include time in cryo, not twelve and I haven’t been a child since thirteen, not a real one anyways mom.” The reply signaled the end of the comfortable conversation as a strain entered the redhead’s voice.

“Beginning tests of Yggdrasil Nidhoggr and Mark 7x orbital mobility packs.” A synthetic voice filled the hangar and a sigh of relief left the redhead’s lips.

“Finally, it was getting embarrassing.” The woman easily moved through the microgravity to her seat and felt her armor lock into place, a slight jolt accompanying her implants connecting with the weapon system she now sat within.

“Have fun dear, this is, my second to last gift. After this, there isn’t much time left for either of us.” The older woman watched as her daughter gave her a nod and was then sealed behind armor.

***

The room, ancient and over-sized for the humans now stunned silent within it, seemed to be frozen in time. The effect lasted all of a heartbeat however as Avery stepped forward towards the barriers and frowned at the ancient AI housed within, eyes narrowed under her helmet.

“How are you doing that? You’re hurting us you realize.” Avery stated, eyein

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📅︎ Jan 07 2022
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Life as a bed slave, part 5

Previous

#Joseph

Today is the day I perfect my bug killing axe! As I tinker with the design, I decide to add a few little flairs of my own. I'll give the handle an oval cross section for a better grip. The sword was comfortable, but the round grip meant I had to watch to make sure I was cutting, not paddling. This should be much better.

The edge should be broad and light. I'm fighting soft targets, so I really don't need lots of heft. That should do it. I'll print it out, and thanks to Khaarn, I can print out targets to practice with.

Within a couple hours, I'm in an empty room, swinging my axe back and forth. Lighter than I expected. Good. A quick pendulum motion at the ground in front of me should get the job done.

Satisfied with this, I reach for the weapon I invented. The spiked chain whip. It's also lighter than I had expected, probably because I'm used to handling steel, not titanium. I set up the targets, and lay the chain out.

I crouch as I pull my arm back and swing it forward, expecting the chain to shoot where I swing it. Instead, the chain, stretched out to my right, whips towards me, and the spikes bite into my ankle. Pain explodes through my ankle as I fall over, further injuring myself on the spikes.

I look down. It doesn't look broken, but I'm not sure I want to walk on it. Damn it, and the medical bay is half way across the ship. Oh, right. The blood. I rip my sleeve off and tie it around my ankle as tight as I can. That helps, I think.

I begin the long, slow crawl to the medical bay, taking an elevator to the next deck up, and then to sweet relief with Doc Kissil.


#Kissil

Joseph. Again. At least he's in for a simple injury this time. Just some local anaesthetic and minor surgery. Looks like he nicked a tendon on the back of his foot, and scratched an ankle bone. No walking for him for a while. After the repairs, I have to fashion another splint for him, and, at his insistence, send him out on a wheeled gurney.

I hope he doesn't show up here too often.


#Joseph

Okay. I know I was never exactly very good compared to Sargent Mike, but I didn't think I was that inept. I made my way to requisitions, and made myself a pair of forearm crutches. Maybe I should shelf the chain whip.

After cleaning up my mess, and putting everything away, I reported to Zirak. The rest of the day was spent brainstorming little tweaks on the scaber weapon.

I hesitated t

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📅︎ Oct 05 2021
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SERIOUS: This subreddit needs to understand what a "dad joke" really means.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

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📅︎ Jan 15 2022
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The Definition of Madness Chapter Six

Morning fellow SSB fans.

First of all I sincerely apologise for the considerable delay in the posting of this rather short chapter. Writer’s block is a bitch and unfortunately its taken this long just to make the damn chapter readable.

I can’t promise to do better in future, though hopefully now we are past this awkward point, this will flow a smidge more easily.

Hope all of you are enjoying yourselves.

(Once again, this world belongs to Bluefishcakes, and for the knickertwisters this is not canon).

Am eager to hear your ideas about the future of this story, please don’t hesitate to express your thoughts.

The Thunderchild hurtled through the void of space, bound for a corner of the Empire David was idly researching, lying back against the bulkhead behind his bunk, finger flicking against surface of the Shil pad in his hands.

Sighing in boredom he cursed the petty squabbles between the noble houses, and the fact that such squabbles frequently spilled into bloodshed. This particular sector he was bound towards wasn’t known to be a particularly valuable area, but the original official reports had predicted a much greater production of raw materials than was presently being produced. The daughter of Noble House X was running the joint as a chance to prove herself. However, Noble House Y was insisting that she was diddling the Empire out of its rightful slice of the profits by skimming off the top.

To add to the situation, Noble House Z who had initially offered (and been declined) their shipping line to transport the materials to refineries situated in their territory, was renewing their offer with a vigour which intrigued the T’koltha command, resulting in David and Kato being pinged across the galaxy into what was looking alarmingly like a blood-bath in the making, if only to remind the three houses of where their first loyalties should lie, before more… persuasive parties such as I-TAD were dispatched, particularly as tax evasion was being mentioned in a not so subtle manner.

Tossing the pad onto the small table beside his bed, David slid his glasses up on his head, rubbing his eyes with a groan of utter boredom and distaste. Not for the first time, he found himself begrudgingly admiring the Shil method of politics, none of the foibles of democracy but every level of the social hierarchy had a counterbalance to keep it in line, be it obvious or not. The aristocracy was permitted to be a collection of backstabbing, brow

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👤︎ u/Dandee42
📅︎ Nov 26 2021
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The HEL Jumper [Chapter 4.18]

Book 1 of The HEL Jumper

Year 2 of The HEL Jumper

Year 3 of The HEL Jumper

-----

Previous | First | Next | Patreon

Thanks to Darth_Android, bloblob, AMERICUH, dragon_slayer97, MidnightSon98, Ironwing, Krystalin, Ripley, Ethen, Artifex, Mamish, Vikairious, Sam_Berry, LilLaussa, Daddy_Talon, Gruecifer, Gaelan_Darkwater, Konrahd_Verdammt, DaPorkchop, Benjamin Durbin, Siddabear, Matthew Adams, and everyone else supporting me on Patreon.

-----

“It’s amazing how much can change in a year, isn’t it? Last year I got him all to myself and now he’s playing around with the other humans and spending all day at the sparring ring. Males will be males though, I suppose,” Veera lamented casually as she and Asha sat around one of the few fires that were still burning after the morning meals. Asha looked up from her stitching.

“I know, it feels like just yesterday that Zolta was quivering like a newborn chesko and giving me this pendant,” the young tailor sighed wistfully. “Now he’s all grown up and we’re going to have a cub soon. Veera, if you don’t focus you’ll need to do all of the stitching over again! I know you and Russell have plenty of goods to trade, but leather this soft and broken-in doesn’t grow on trees you know.”

Veera looked down at the leather, bone needles, and sinew thread in her lap for a moment. “Sorry Asha, thanks again for teaching me this. I, well, my mother isn’t-”

“Please Veera, there’s no need to thank me,” Asha insisted as her feathers ruffled self-consciously. “I’m not particularly good at working with leather anyway. I spent a lot of my time as an apprentice working with erulass. I’m beginning to understand just how right my mother was when she said that cubs change everything.”

“Well, regardless of how you feel about your own skill, it’s above mine,” Veera stated the obvious as she did her best to follow along with Asha’s deft motions. The two of them were making slings for carrying newborn cubs, an item that Asha would be needing in the immediate future. With her own cubs on the way, Veera found the prospect of learning a useful skill more interesting than a fight between one of the humans who had assaulted her husband and Kaha. That hadn’t stopped her from praying to Uthos and Seil for the sun guard’s victory, however.

“You’re pickin

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📅︎ Oct 02 2021
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Out of Cruel Space, Part 116

Meanwhile! At the LAB!!

“Good afternoon sir! Welcome to The Undaunted Labs where the future is being made today. We have made excellent progress sir and will be more than happy to show off some of our discoveries.” Doctor Samuel says as Admiral Cistern walks into the laboratory. The military man pauses, considers then simply turns to the scientist with a mildly baffled look on his face.

“I know a quote when I hear it, but I don’t know where it’s from.” He says and the doctor waves him off.

“I’m sure it will come to you in time Sir! Now then, if you’ll follow me we have some excellent advances to show you and several interesting observations that explain a great deal about the technological and psychological development of the galaxy as a whole.” Doctor Samuel assures him. “This way please.”

Admiral Cistern follows the man past the blast shielding to a table with several machine components dismantled and labelled in front of him with a large device with similar labels all over it, it vaguely resembles a cube with the front and back removed. “I see you’ve reverse engineered the technology in this piece.”

“Yes indeed sir. This weapon known as the Endless Barrage or the CS-92, one of ten illegal weapons of the CS series after the first fifty each weapon designation grows more and more restricted, the final ten being outright illegal to own.”

“But not to sell?” Admiral Cistern asks.

“Loopholes sir. The weapons are actually in a minimum of two components and not actually made until they’re slotted together. Making the components is perfectly legal, selling the components is perfectly legal. Slotting them together is where you break the law. Incidentally my dismantling of the weapon has rendered it legal to possess.”

“Half the legal system in the galaxy is loopholes, if not two thirds.” Admiral Cistern notes with a sigh.

“Yep, anyways, what we’ve learned from this is the shrinking technology. Unfortunately it’s not like in movies and TV shows. Shrinking things is just the first part, keeping it shrunk afterwards is the tricky part.” Samuel explains as he takes a pen out of his breast pocket. “Observe.”

He places pen in the large device. He then opens a small cover and flips a toggle. The device audibly powers up and begins to hum. The pen seems to vanish from sight and Admiral Cistern squints a little to see a tiny little scratch in the machine. The machine ceases humming and powers down, moments later the pen visibly grows from the scratch. Doctor Sa

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👤︎ u/KyleKKent
📅︎ Sep 11 2021
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Experience in the navy (RSN)

Hi, I'm currently a more than 1 year "soldier" (nsf) about to ord serving in the navy as a "naval warfare system specialist" which here in the navy is a fancy way of saying the bottom of the food chain. This post is mainly for those who got posted to the navy as an NSF or is considering signing on.

Before I continue, I would like to say this is my OWN personal experience and this does not speak for the rest of the NSFs in the navy who are posted to ships, and are on different platforms. Each platform AND unit has their own culture - some good, some bad and some toxic. However, I will just talk about the navy shipboard life in general and not my life as an NSF here so nobody can trace me down and lynch me lol cause some regulars might get pissy 😢

Anyways, I'm sure you've seen the ads from the navy. Pressing buttons, firing missiles, sitting in red rooms analysing the combat data, looking all cool and fancy but that's far from what you really do in the navy. As a matter of fact, the things you see in the ads are just 10% of what really happens. In reality, the navy far from the glamour RSN advertises it to be. It's draining - Mentally and physically. You might get a vocation which in theory sounds all cool such as "C2 (command and control) or nav" but that's not just what your job entails. Especially on my platform, 70% of what you do is seamanship. Not even related to what the navy advertises. You deal with ropes, spend hours in the hot sun painting the decks, tidying up the ropes on the ship and the storerooms around the ship. You hardly even do what the navy advertises. Everyday you go to work, only to not do what you thought you would be doing and instead, you're doing physical labour. To top it all off, your "seniors or superiors" half the time comes up with random shit to keep you "occupied". Half of the people there don't even know what to do due to lack of experience and you often find yourselves doing something for an hour+ only for someone to say it's wrong and you end up redoing everything wasting your time.

On top of that, you have duty or this thing called "quartermaster". Basically you are the PA man of the ship (?). It's hard to explain but can be stressful at times. Other than that I guess it's just your regular 24hour "duty", same as army. However, due to the long standing issue of the lack of manpower the navy has always had, you sometimes find yourself doing 1 in 3 or 1 in 4 duties while the seniors (another thorn in the neck, especi

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👤︎ u/shrewmiee
📅︎ Oct 13 2021
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Out of Cruel Space, Part 131

Meanwhile! At the LAB!

The door to the laboratory opens and Admiral Cistern steps through. His face is carefully schooled to not expose any distress. To his internal relief several soldiers with the relief NS on armbands are in there already. Evidently people were taking the impromptu Axiom researchers more and more seriously. Good.

“Admiral on deck!” The nearest one notes and the room turns to salute him. He returns the gesture crisply.

“Gentlemen, I’m glad to see you all working together.” Admiral Cistern remarks before glancing up at the two still images above the group. The problem they’re all working on. Security cameras in the shipboard factories had shown Engineer Pike speaking to and being assisted by a two dimensional figure wearing his face that was somehow capable of physically interacting with the world. Clearly Axiom shenanigans were afoot and he needed to know how and why.

“Sir. Glad to have you here. We think we’ve isolated what caused this... incident and have both good and bad news for you.” Doctor Ricken is apparently speaking for the lab today. The rest are likely busy with the ship outlines they’re designing and refining constantly.

“Bad news first if you’d be so kind.”

“This is not going to be the last time we will see this phenomenon. In fact from what we’ve uncovered this is the most benign and minute manifestations of this event that could have occurred.” Doctor Ricken says and Admiral Cistern gives her a curious look.

“Sir, if I may?” Specialist Adegoke asks and The Admiral nods.

“I took interest in this event for two reasons. First off is that Engineer Pike is a friend and secondly in that he seemingly manifested a photon and graviton based construct. That’s my area of speciality. I use these things to create illusions with the occasional hidden punch. Though I’m more of an illusionist than anything.”

“Specialist. I understand you appreciate your recent promotion, but that’s no reason to beat around the bush.”

“Sorry sir. Effectively this is a known phenomenon in the Galaxy at large as either a sign of an overactive imagination in extremely Axiom capable races, particularly in their childhood or a massive psychotic break in a person.” Amadi explains an Admiral Cistern looks concerned. “Thankfully, and distressingly, this is not the case of what’s happening here, which means there is another unaccounted for variable. One which we believe we’ve confirmed.”

“We haven’t confirmed it Specialist. We’ve hypothesized it but h

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👤︎ u/KyleKKent
📅︎ Sep 26 2021
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Blind Girl Here. Give Me Your Best Blind Jokes!

Do your worst!

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📅︎ Jan 02 2022
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[SECRET] Project Surya | Helldiver Express

>>The chariot of the sun-god has only one wheel, which is known as Saṁvatsara. The twelve months are calculated to be its twelve spokes, the six seasons are the sections of its rim, and the three cātur-māsya periods are its three-sectioned hub.

>>One side of the axle carrying the wheel rests upon the summit of Mount Sumeru, and the other rests upon Mānasottara Mountain.

>Bhagavata Purana, Canto 5

Surya

8 January, 2045 - Lion 6 orbital shuttle

Geostationary Orbit, 140°E

Free-fall always played tricks on the mind. It was that inability to see the horizon, to determine up or down, that led to disorientation and a screeching lizard brain if one did not focus. For Starla, who had long since passed the millennium club - logging 1000 days in space - venturing out into the great empty void was still an anxiety-inducing prospect. Her sole lifeline to safety was the graphene-formed umbilical that snaked from Lion 6's open airlock and that was triple-fastened to her exovehicle suit.

It was a nerve-wracking experience even for spacewalk veterans, and Starla had found that the EV suit's sweat-wicking and air-conditioning properties were insufficient for the task. Of course, she wasn't the only one out here labouring in the strenuous conditions of zero-g.

No, her blimp-like orbital shuttle was one of a dozen that floated in the aether, floodlights and holoprojectors illuminating the dark and allowing the antariksawan to work in relative safety. From afar, they must have looked like jellyfish parasites, crowding around the skeletal silhouette of a voidcraft slowly taking shape from nothing.

NusAngkasa Bhd. was the Nusantara League's single largest orbital company, with a federally-granted monopoly on affordable space lift and extensive integration with the Angkatan Antariksa. Starla got a paycheque from both NusAngkasa and the armed forces, and by all accounts she was an employee of both. It was confusing, bu

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📅︎ Dec 07 2021
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This subreddit is 10 years old now.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

👍︎ 14k
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📅︎ Jan 14 2022
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Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

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📅︎ Jan 11 2022
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What starts with a W and ends with a T

It really does, I swear!

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📅︎ Jan 13 2022
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“Never Send a Fleet” or “Terrans taste like tziltskas” revised and expanded

Lieutenant Commander Rebekah Montclaire’s steady gaze and stony expression belied her true emotions as she watched the horrific footage. She wasn’t sure how the Terran diplomatic corps had obtained it, but the Navy finally had a definitive answer to the question of what had happened to the missing humans on Niagara. She glanced at her fellow SEAL operators around the briefing room and could see pale faces and hard expressions everywhere she looked. None of them were strangers to violence, and everyone in this room had both witnessed and actively committed appalling, unspeakable things on their missions, but what she saw now wasn’t violence. It was butchery.

Literally.

The video showed a race she was unfamiliar with, called the Pravlashi, quickly and efficiently killing their—she had to fight down the urge to vomit—livestock, and processing the human “meat” with practiced ease, making certain nothing went to waste. It didn’t matter to them if their victim was male or female, old or young. Not even children or pregnant women were spared. They simply went about their gruesome business, hanging rows of naked, terrified humans up by their ankles with smooth silver hooks driven through both Achilles tendons. One by one the humans were jerked into the air to hang upside down, and when they came to a rest a Pravlashi worker mercilessly slashed their throats and waited for them to stop struggling as the blood drained away. After that, a single drawing cut with a hooked, long-bladed knife parted the skin, and all of the internal organs spilled out into an obscene pile. Anything left in the body cavity after that first spray of gore was scooped out by hand. The carcass was then pushed aside to make room for the next victim. Although they were an intelligent, spacefaring species, at no time did the Pravlashi show any indication that it knew or cared that it was butchering fellow sentient, intelligent beings.

“I think we’ve seen enough,” said Vice Admiral Pasternak, mercifully turning off the holo, then nodding at the only civilian in the room. “I want to thank Mr. Czarnecki and his spies for obtaining that video for us. It couldn’t have been easy.” Before the admiral could say anything else, Rebekah raised her hand.

“Yes, commander?”

“Are we certain this footage is real? That video was too good to have been shot by drone. Whoever took it had to be standing in the room.”

“It’s real. We’ve already identified the victims with facial recognition. All of the Terran

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📅︎ Sep 08 2021
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Why did Karen press Ctrl+Shift+Delete?

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

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👤︎ u/Eoussama
📅︎ Jan 17 2022
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So 2 trees got arrested in the town I live...

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

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📅︎ Jan 18 2022
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I am legion. I am mother. Chapter 95. The final flight.

first

previous

———-

Artemis helped refugees into the back of a covered truck. The ship as well as the shuttle it carried made it past customs by the looks of it.

Then Romru and Vincent made it up in there.

Romru looked back. “Wait I thought your coming with us?” She said concern in her purple eyes. Brushing her silver white hair aside to cover her ruined ear.

“I have to stay here for a bit.” Artemis said to them. “Gotta work around the ISS’s security systems and that hit the general put out on me.” She said. Then looked at Vincent. “It may take me a week tops but I will make it up there.” She grinned. “Then we will have enough time to watch whatever movie and tv show you two like.” They seem to brighten to to that.

About two months time until reaching the planet of “new Yflona” and search for that handler that Heddi’s iron Angel told her about.

Maybe the “mega sin city” of New Cyelin would be like new Angelas. Los Angelas had been struck by a diverted asteroid from when Mars declared independence. Some belters took advantage and decided that they were tired of being misused by the early United American government. And earth governments in general. So a new city sprung up to replace the old one eventually.

Romru immediately wrapped Artemis in a hug, interrupting her musings. She held her until the driver called that he’s ready to go.

“He I’ll always make it up there.” Artemis said patting her back. Then they let go. “I’ll see you two soon.”

The truck began to move.

“I’ll see you soon mom.” Romru blurted out. She immediately ducked back in watching Artemis.

Artemis stood there in shock and watched as the truck began to leave and disappeared into the forest ahead.

Something wrenched inside her, an emotion she hadn’t felt in what felt like a lifetime.

“She called me mom.” She whispers to herself.

She still stood there still shocked by the statement.

“-ey Hey Arti are you in there?” A deep voice said.

Snapping Artemis into reality. “Yeah I’m here.”

“Good.” Shak said. His weasel like face looks elsewhere. “Let’s get going.”

They moved off to a nearby city to draw coalition forces elsewhere.

———

It took half a day’s drive.

Vincent and Romru sat quietly in the truck

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📅︎ Oct 06 2021
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What is a a bisexual person doing when they’re not dating anybody?

They’re on standbi

👍︎ 11k
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📅︎ Jan 12 2022
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What is the scariest tree?

BamBOO!

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📅︎ Jan 18 2022
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Geddit? No? Only me?
👍︎ 6k
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👤︎ u/shampy311
📅︎ Dec 28 2021
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I wanna hear your best airplane puns.

Pilot on me!!

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📅︎ Jan 07 2022
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A public domain document from the USG, describing detailed, specific technical benefits of additive manufacturing compared to the current state-of-the-art in rapid production and provisioning, with many parallels to (and takeaways for) civilian industrial applications.

92 Features / 3D Printing for Joint Agile Operations JFQ 95, 4th Quarter 2019

3D Printing for Joint

Agile Operations

By Jaren K. Price, Miranda C. La Bash, and Bart Land

The Navy seabase off the coast of Africa is like a floating hive, with personnel moving

about aboard multiple ships and both aircraft and landing craft launching to deliver the

second wave of the assault force to their objectives. Teams of mechanics examine several

Army and Marine Corps vehicles recovered from the beach via landing craft air cushion.

One team triages damage in preparation for repairs required for expedited return of the

vehicles to the field. Another team assesses the more significant damage done to a joint

light tactical vehicle (JLTV) that struck a mine. The mechanics submit requests for repair

parts. Some parts are immediately retrieved from stores located on the seabase, while man-

ufacturing specialists load blueprints from a database for those parts not already on hand.

Soon, three-dimensional (3D) printers hum. Meanwhile, the specialist engineering team

develops a repair solution for the JLTV, and an engineer drafts the 3D design. The new

plans are also transferred to print production. The parts are delivered to the mechanics

who then complete the repairs. Within hours, the vehicles are ready for return to their units.

I

n the near future, this scenario could

become reality. Additive manufac-

turing (AM), also known as 3D

printing, could enable future agile

operating concepts. AM has the ability

to significantly shorten the Depart-

ment of Defense (DOD) logistics chain,

especially where repair parts are con-

cerned, by producing the parts as they

are needed. This would enable rapid,

flexible response to unanticipated faults

or battle damage with reduced stockpile

requirements, increasing the agility

of the operational force. However, to

Colonel Jaren K. Price, USA, is the Deputy

Commander of the U.S. Indo-Pacific Command

Joint Intelligence Operations Center.

Lieutenant Commander Miranda C. La Bash,

USN, serves in the Intelligence Directorate

at U.S. Special Operations Pacific Command.

Major Bart Land, USAF, is the North East Asia

Logistic Planner in the Directorate of Logistics,

Engineering, and Security Cooperation at U.S.

Indo-Pacific Command.

Titanium parts printed from powder and

laser provide researchers with high-strength,

heat-resistant examples of future of additive

manufacturing

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📅︎ Nov 29 2021
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E or ß?
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👤︎ u/Amazekam
📅︎ Jan 03 2022
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What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?

Nothing, he was gladiator.

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👤︎ u/rj104
📅︎ Jan 15 2022
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Pun intended.
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📅︎ Jan 15 2022
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No spoilers
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👤︎ u/Onfour
📅︎ Jan 06 2022
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Covid problems
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📅︎ Jan 12 2022
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These aren't dad jokes...

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

👍︎ 12k
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👤︎ u/Lance986
📅︎ Dec 15 2021
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Which actor drives the least?

Christopher Walken

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👤︎ u/TR1771N
📅︎ Jan 18 2022
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Spi__
👍︎ 6k
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📅︎ Jan 11 2022
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A Bug Problem

“A Bug Problem” by Kittani

K'vor was three glactic standard days from leaving the military. He thumbed through some entries in his journal with his paws. Pausing to stroke his worn claw across a holopic of his wife and three cubs. The Keryn were a proud and noble race, but they had their softer sides. Not like the enemies they were chasing across this part of the galaxy. The Arranthos were a ruthless insectoid race with bioengineered technology. What they couldn;t destroy they would infect with everything from logic plagues for the shipboard AI systems, a fancy way of saying programmed paradoxes, to actual biological warfare that would consume and dissolve all living tissues. Preventing boarding was K’vor’s job. “Seven seconds to contact” The cold and comfortingly neutral voice of the ship’s AI stated. K’vor and his squadron of shock troopers manned the main airlocks, waiting for the telltale thud of a boarding vessel latching to the side. “Be ready, men. Bio-shields at maximum!” A thick smell of ozone filled the air as the personal shields energized around them, giving each trooper a faint light blue glow. THUD! The ship shuddered as the boarding pod latched onto the airlock, extending its tendrils around the side of the ship. A metallic gnashing could be heard outside as the mandibles of the half organic, half machine began chewing its way through the airlock doors. Soon the Arranthos would begin spewing out the maw of the boarding pod’s orifice.

Gnash, crunch, gnash, crunch!

“Airlock integrity field failing” The AI chimed in. Slightly more stilted than usual. “The Plague”, K’vor thought to himself. We’ll lose AI control of the ship. “Trooper T’dol!, Secure the shipboard AI!” K’vol looked over his shoulder to see the trooper enter the core room and a second later the confirmation that the AI had been deactivated. A new trick they had learned in dealing with the Arranthos. “Form up! Squad A on me!, Squad B at junction 3!” The orders conveyed a confidence that K’vor did not actually possess at that moment.

The ship’s automated systems sounded off. “HULL BREACH, EMERGENCY, HULL BREACH”

“Far less tactful those systems eh Chieftain?” One of the troopers quipped. “Shut up and fire!” K’vor yelled as the first of the Arranthos soldier caste poured into the hallway. Covered in a red exoskeleton and the signature three white stripes of their caste, the creatures stood twice the height of a Keryn and had to stoop slightly in th

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/Kittani77
📅︎ Sep 03 2021
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For Gotham
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👤︎ u/FreeHugsXD
📅︎ Jan 17 2022
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I dislike karma whores who make posts that imply it's their cake day, simply for upvotes.

I won't be doing that today!

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👤︎ u/djcarves
📅︎ Dec 27 2021
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The Ancient Romans II
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👤︎ u/mordrathe
📅︎ Dec 29 2021
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I'd like to dedicate this joke to my wisdom teeth.

[Removed]

👍︎ 7k
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📅︎ Jan 14 2022
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I did it, I finally did it. After 4 years and 92 days I went from being a father, to a dad.

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

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👤︎ u/Sk2ec
📅︎ Jan 01 2022
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Naan-negotiable
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👤︎ u/sjmaeff
📅︎ Jan 16 2022
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It this sub dead?

There hasn't been a post all year!

👍︎ 13k
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👤︎ u/TheTreelo
📅︎ Jan 01 2022
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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in your frying pan?

You take away their little brooms

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📅︎ Jan 09 2022
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School Was Clothed
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👤︎ u/Kennydoe
📅︎ Jan 08 2022
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What did 0 say to 8 ?

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

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📅︎ Jan 03 2022
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I had a vasectomy because I didn’t want any kids.

When I got home, they were still there.

👍︎ 10k
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👤︎ u/demotrek
📅︎ Jan 13 2022
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Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

👍︎ 3k
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📅︎ Jan 16 2022
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Remember that joke I told you about the chiropractor?

It was about a weak back.

👍︎ 6k
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👤︎ u/tanglwyst
📅︎ Jan 16 2022
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