Teacher: "I sheared a sheep once," Student: "Oh, How'd it go?" Teacher: "It went: 'Baa' and it's fleece came off! Student: "Man, that was Ba-aa-d!"
groans
It was cutting-hedge technology.
I saw a sheep in town the other day and the shear brilliance of its fleece caught my eye. I asked it, "what are ewe doing here?" The sheep replied "I'm out on the lamb"
It's cutting hedge technology!
"This is cutting hedge technology".
A Lamborghini.
Names such as:
Baa-bara
Wool Smith
EWE-NICE
Brittney Shears
John Sebastian Baach
But that's a whisk I'm willing to take.
so I pointed and said "Where everybody knows your mane."
Shear size
But theres too many drawbacks
Edit: Heckin thanks for the platinum!!!
It has 3 beats to each baa
I tell them it is for the shear fun of it
A sheep-skate.
I witnessed an apple store robbery today, they made me an iWitness. I was already running late, after my wife took my cheese this morning. Even after I told her it was Nacho cheese. She asked what time my dentist appointment was, I told her Tooth hurt-y. But I didnβt end up going, as there was stairs I had to ascend. I donβt trust them, theyβre always up to something. Then my wife got really mad at me and said that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!
I went straight to the barber for a new look. He asked me if I wanted a haircut? I said no, I want them all cut. Puzzled he would ask such a silly question, I noticed the graveyard across the street looking overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there I thought. I picked up a book about anti-gravity. It was impossible to put down! Shear amazement a barber would have a book like this! I told the barber I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me. He stopped cutting my hair when my ear fell off. He must of realised I was a leper at this point so I paid for his service and told him to keep the tip.
I received a call from my Eastern European mother in law, apparently my child was refusing to sleep during nap time. She told me heβs guilty of resisting a rest. Then she called me straight back to say there was a kidnapping. I rushed to her home to find my kid napping. I was angry by the miscommunication but that anger turned to joy when I realised it was the first day of spring. I got so excited I wet my plants. After which I realised I was late for soccer practice. Iβm not a big fan of the sport but I was doing it for the kicks. I decided not to go as I was tired from the night before where I spent the night looking for the sun. Then it dawned on me. Unusual for me, as Iβm usually a pretty good sleeper. I can do it with my eyes closed.
Sheared Khan
I didn't even know they could knit!
I had just got my hair cut nice and short and been dropped around at my mate's house by mum. As i walk in: Mate's Dad: Hey bonya, who did ya hair cut? Me: (slightly confused) My hair didn't cut anybody...
Shear luck.
An art critic was judging paintings at an event.
The first one was a bland painting of the earth. not too bad, but nothing out of this world.
The second one was a blank painting. Why they even turned it it, donβt ask.
The third one though. The third one was a beautifully crafted painting of a sheep.
The art critic turned to the artist. All they had to say was, βWow, I am wooly astonished. The shear amount of detail of this art ewe made, which definitely lambs you into first place. This might be way pasture standards, but too baaad, donβt be sheepish. This piece definitely separates the sheep from the goats, it will definitely farm you some moo-lah.
I can't stand that kind of shear incompetence.
Dwayne Johnson recently came to the arts and crafts store I own looking to buy equipment for the wardrobe department for his latest movie. He asked if we could quickly fill a large order of cloth-cutting shears. I told him yes, but given the rush, we couldn't offer a bulk discount. For the next hour, Mr. Johnson haggled with me, insisting on paying a single, reduced price for the order of shears rather than the standard per-item price.
With my frustration growing, Mr. Johnson wouldn't back down. Finally, he made a desperate attempt to get the deal he wanted: he suggested we play any simple game of my choice; winner sets the price structure for the shears. He then asked me what I wanted to play.
Fed up, I shouted: Rock! Pay per scissors!
the ba~ ba~ shop.
Sherlock combs.
By shear coincidence
With shear determination
Really Ba-a-a-a-a-ad.
It was shear luck.
by shear coincidence.
Shear curiosity.
(so this makes sense, I'm a dog groomer, and I was using my 8 inch straight shears).
While using my shears I accidentally cut my finger, when a Co worker asked if I was okay I said:
"Yeah, at least I only cut myself out of shear stupidity"
They say he died from shear boredom.
It was shear luck
Shear wool power.
This is just in the middle of a chapter and isn't even acknowledged by the surrounding passages. It's pretty baaad if you ask me. But really, thanks to this picture I will never forget what a shear transformation does.
Textbook is Linear Algebra and Its Applications by David C. Lay, since for some reason I feel like I should probably cite it.
Shear luck.
Context: My mother's maiden name is Shearing and she had been at her parents, helping them out for a few days (they live far away) and had been talking about getting the wifi password, which was difficult.
So she said that she phoned her sister, but that a co-worker of her sister picked up. After being asked if he could help, my mother replied "Well unless you can tell me my dad's wifi password..." He laughingly replied "Sorry, that's not the type of information we share in this office."
Now my dad looks across the table, smiles and says "It's not the type of information they Shearing that office?"
I can shear with you.
Me: Tears magazine in half.
Her: "How did you do that?"
Me: "'Shear' force."
I stared at her until she gave me a look of disgust and walked away.
