If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.

It's a great way to let off some steam.

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👤︎ u/JoeFas
📅︎ May 28 2019
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I fell into a cactus.

I'm making sure to pay attention more sharply next time.

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ Oct 03 2019
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I got my daughter so good today I stunned her into silence

My daughter comes home from school and plops down in the chair in front of me hands in her hair

Daughter: My Homework is SOO gay

Me: I'm glad to hear that it's LGTBY friendly

She gives me a blank stare with a few blinks for about 10 seconds

Daughter: What!? Dad.. NO! It's not that! I mean it's... Just... no!

Me: Oh! so it's happy then! I'm glad your homework had a great day at school!

My daughter exhales sharply

Daughter: Sure dad, it's Happiest homework ever!

👍︎ 121
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👤︎ u/obievil
📅︎ Dec 03 2014
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I've been torturing my best friend.

I'm a 24yr F, and was well-trained by my father in the art of dad jokes. And I discovered that my best friend hates dad jokes one evening when we were hanging out and she goes "Hey Sasafras23...I'm hungry."

"Hi hungry, I'm Sasafras23."

"I HATE YOU."

Since then I have been periodically torturing her with dad jokes. Most recently:

(Helping her clean for a party). Friend: "Okay, let's hit the table first."

(I hit the table sharply) "Okay, now what?"

Her: I swear I will kill you.

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/Sasafras23
📅︎ Feb 02 2017
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Dad joked my girlfriend recently

We were driving through the mountains a few weeks ago and passed through a small tunnel. Upon exiting I exhaled sharply and started panting like I was struggling to hold my breath the whole time.

GF: "Sounds like you almost didn't make it..."

Me: "Yeah, for a second there I had tunnel vision"

👍︎ 11
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📅︎ Feb 04 2016
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So, my dad's driving a rental car...

Normally, my dad drives a more luxurious car, but he's rented some model of Toyota since one of the tires on his car is blown out. My brother and I are sitting in the back and as he's fiddling with the buttons, my brother says,

"Hey, dad, where are the buttons for the heated seats?"

To which my father sharply replies, "They're in the Jaguar."

👍︎ 4
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📅︎ Jan 03 2014
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